


Copnapped

by faliceplease



Category: Chicago PD
Genre: Completed, F/M, I Love You All, I cried writing it, Kidnapping, Trauma, it's painful, please don't keep reading if you get too upset, police work, some scenes may trigger you
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-07
Updated: 2017-02-13
Packaged: 2018-06-06 20:20:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 45
Words: 55,734
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6768598
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/faliceplease/pseuds/faliceplease
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When your life is hanging in the balance, you realise exactly what's important to you. When Erin and Jay are kidnapped, they can only begin to imagine why. So when Jay's past comes back to haunt him will he ever be able to fix what's happened?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

The first time they met, she had him pinned against the wall in minutes. That smart mouth of his always gets him in trouble. No man could get away with touching her ass, or looking at it for that matter. If Erin were to think about that moment now, she would laugh. That was the defining moment, the moment when everything changed. She hadn’t ever had her own partner, not since being a rookie. It was her and Voight, no questions asked. Nobody dared question the relationship between the pair of them. They might have had assumptions, but they were never voiced.   
Until Jay Halstead entered her life, she had noticed him from the beginning, any woman in her position would have. The difference being, she knew how to practise admiring from afar, when she walked up those stairs, she left her personal life behind, professional was what she strived for. It was the only way to survive in a place like this.   
She knew in her heart that she would never be able to do it, date someone on the job. There was only a certain amount a girl could take, the job was demanding enough. She didn’t need that stress outside of the badge. She’d told him that, the night they nearly kissed. She saw it in his eyes, he was hurt but he understood. She hated being that girl, the one who put everything into her work, but stepped into a completely different life as soon as her firearm left her pouch. She never wanted to be the kind of woman that shut herself off every night, not wanting to think about the bad, bad things she’d seen that day. But she had to, she wouldn’t cope if she didn’t.   
The look on his face haunted her at night, when she closed her eyes and tried to forget the world. There he was, disappointed because of her. She hated it. They’d been through so much together, so many memories she wanted to forget, but she couldn’t because he was in them and her mind didn’t want to forget about him, it wasn’t fair on her, it wasn’t fair on Kelly or Jay but that’s how it was.   
She had a system, one that seemed to work. She knew what nights Jay would head to Molly’s. Those were the days they stayed in, ordered take-away and made out to the sounds of the television. Despite whatever she felt for Jay, she was Kelly’s girlfriend, and that wasn’t a position she took lightly. She was serious about the handsome fireman, and he was serious about her. This was good, this was exactly what she needed, what she wanted. 

The last time she saw Severide he had been rushing off on a call. She’d kissed him gently and off he ran. She remembered watching him race off with the other truck guys, just another day on the job, working like he did every other day, now all she could think about was whether or not she’d see him rush off to work again, if ever see him again at all.  
It was a blur after that, the case was the last thing she could think of right now, not when her life was hanging in the balance. Sore and sorry she sat there searching for hope.   
The room was dark, with only a small lamp in the far corner keeping their vision alive. The rope was fight against her wrists, her arms ached from being strapped to the arms of the chair. The only thing they could hear were the sounds of each other breathing. Erin tried kicking her legs in an attempt to loosen the binds around her legs. The idea was better in theory than in motion. She groaned, loudly. 

Halstead turned his neck, he couldn't move too much, he couldn't turn around to face her. Their backs were against each other's, funnily enough this was the first time they'd been this alone in a while. 

"Erin." He whispered, unsure of anyone listening in. She stopped her quest for escape, closed her eyes and sat there limply. 

"What?" She growled, thrashing her arms around again. 

"You're going to tire yourself out." He warned her, tapping his fingers against the end of his chair arm. He stared at the grey stone walls that surrounded them, he was trying to figure out exactly where they were. 

Erin ran her tongue over the split in her lip. It stung, she gasped. She wanted to get these guys, she wanted to get them really badly but she knew Jay was right. She needed to calm down. 

"How bad is it?" He asked, knowing they'd beat her. He'd been in the room, his head covered with a pillow case. He hadn't witnessed the end product, but he knew it was bad. It took a lot to break Lindsay, and although she was far from broken. He knew she was shaken. 

"It's fine, I'm fine." She assured him bravely. Her eyes blinked back a small tear that threatened to fall. She wasn't going to cry, not here, not now. 

"How big are these guys? Is it worth the fight?" He asked, intending to get the two of them out of there. He needed a plan, he needed a course of action. 

"They have guns, we need to get the guns." She told him, trying to piece together everything that she saw. 

"How many guys were there?" He asked, squinting his eyes, trying to adjust to the lack of light. 

She thought deeply, retracing the events. She counted, but she couldn't be sure. "Four, maybe five?" She guessed, not entirely sure. Her memory was hazy at best. 

"Okay." He responded quietly, she knew he was trying to figure out how he would take them, how they could take on these thugs. She just didn't like the idea of him getting hurt in the process. 

They'd taken their phones and their weapons. Even their vests, it wasn't looking good for the pair of them at all. 

"Jay." She whispered, so quietly it was a wonder he even heard it. 

"Yeah?" He asked, trying to turn around. 

"Be careful." 

He nodded, and even though she couldn't see him, she knew he had heard her. 

She was just holding onto the hope that Voight would save them the trouble of having to fight for their lives. 

 

“What have you got for me?” Voight barked into the radio, Antonio knew that this turn of events was going to turn Voight into a monster; he just wasn’t counting on having to be the one he took it out on.   
“Surveillance cameras picked up something, a black van with the windows blacked out. No number plate, it’s definitely our guys.” He said rather calmly, this was effecting the entire unit, their own had been kidnapped, Antonio figured he had to be the one calm member of their team if they were going to take down the bastards that did this.   
“Alright, I want you and Hal-Atwater to look into it.” Voight told him, frightened by his own mistake. Lindsay wasn’t the only one whose life was at risk, Jay was in there too. “Call in if you find anything.” He quickly added.   
“Will do.” Antonio promised, ending the call with a sigh.   
Voight opened the door of his car, slammed the door closed and shoved his keys into his pockets. This side of town was what most of us would call dodgy, but Voight walked across the street like he was walking down a runway. This was his town after all.   
He zoned in on a couple of guys, he turned around checking to see who was watching, one of the guys slipped him a wad of bills, he nodded, shoving the roll into his other pocket.   
“Know anything about a hit going down tonight?” He asked, eyeballing the younger of the two men.   
“I might know something.” The little punk teased, but Voight was having none of that, he grabbed the kid by the neck and slammed him against the wall, his grip tightened every time he heard the guy squeak.   
“Those scumbags took one of my own, now if you know something, it’d be smart to spit it out now, any more funny business and I’ll make sure you never get a word in edgeways again.” He promised sadistically.   
“Ease up aight, my boy don’t know anything. He’s just playing.”   
Voight let go of the kid, cracking his knuckles to remind the pair that he meant business.   
“You hear anything; I’m your first phone call.” He told them, “Unless you don’t want me to be your first call when you’re locked up for dealing.” He threatened, adjusting his jacket in the process. The pair nodded, scared out of their wits, he turned his back to them, striding back to his car. This was his city, and nobody was going to get away with taking one of his own. No matter how tough they think they are. 

 

Erin’s breath caught in her throat, footsteps grew louder, closer every second. “Jay?” She whispered, “Don’t do anything yet okay?” She begged him, he sighed, they were partners. He didn’t want to upset her.   
“Alright.” He whispered back, just as the clanging of the door hitting the concrete wall interrupted them. Erin looked up at the perps with wide eyes, two of them passed her, moving toward Jay. He screamed out as they shoved his head into a sack, the other two moved toward her, she spat at them, as they tried to do the same. “Go to hell!” She yelled as they gagged her, shoving her head into a sack as well. She tried kicking and making their job difficult. Her legs were fastened together tightly, her hands tied behind her back. She imagined Jay was in the same predicament but she didn’t want to imagine.   
Without the advantage of sight, the pair could only rely on what they could hear, the sound of hushed voices, the running of a car engine and the opening of car doors, Erin let out a tiny groan as she was thrown into what she assumed was the back of a van. The sound of a male groan accompanied her, she felt around the best she could with the restraints on her hands and feet. She grabbed hold of what she soon found out to be a finger. “Are you okay?” Jay whispered, he hadn’t been gagged like she had. All she could do was squeak. “Squeeze my finger, once for no, twice for yes.” He told her, he waited. She didn’t move. “Erin?” He whispered.   
Squeeze.  
Squeeze.


	2. Follow The Leader

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so thankful to have all of you here starting this journey with me as I attempt to write about one of my favourite series of all time. It’s going to be tricky, but with your support I’ll try my hardest.   
> This chapter will hopefully make you want to keep reading, ENJOY

The intelligence unit hovered around their desks, there wasn’t a single one of them who wouldn’t rather be outside being proactive, but Voight’s orders were final. They all stood around each other feeling useless, Ruzek was pacing around the room. He could never quite manage to sit still on a good day, so today he was on overdrive.   
Antonio walked in, a sour look on his face. He bypassed the team and walked straight into Voight’s office. Hank turned around, he had been staring aimlessly out of the window trying to figure out his next move.  
“One of My C.I’s gave me a name. It’s a long shot, but I think if we go after this guy we’ll find out where the others are.” Antonio reported, handing over a slip of paper, Voight unwrapped it, reading Antonio’s messy scrawl.   
“Diego Sanchez.” Voight wrote messily on the white board, the team all stood eagerly around him, waiting for their next move. Antonio moved forward, addressing the group.  
“Kid’s got a record a mile long, been in and out of custody since he was a teenager. Drug possession, gang fights, you name it. My C.I says he’s been running with the same crew Lindsay and Halstead were zoning in on. Now he’s a known dealer down at a local club, who’s ready for some undercover work?” He asked, and everyone raised their hands, this was their family and they all wanted to do their part to bring them home.  
“Ruzek, go and grab Burgess and Roman from downstairs, we could use all the help we can get.” Voight told him, Ruzek hurried off down the stairs. Voight turned to the other more experienced team members. “You know what we have to do, I don’t care if we have to feed him to the fishes when we’re done, this is Lindsay we’re talking about.”   
Olinsky nodded, he knew the drill and even though it still haunted him in his sleep since the last time, he wasn’t above having to do what needs to be done. Even the look on Antonio’s face was enough reassurance Voight needed to know that they were all on the same page. 

Lindsay was biting her lip to stay awake, this time the room was less pleasant. It smelt like mold, the floor was damp where she was laying, she was struggling to keep her stomach in check as the smell was enough to make her sick. She didn’t know where they were but she guessed it was somewhere the health and safety board hadn’t yet discovered. She could hear Jay moving, but he wasn’t speaking. She assumed they’d probably gagged him, or maybe he was holding his breath to keep from breathing in the toxic air.   
She could hear clanging, possibly from another room, all she wanted was to close her eyes and wake up in her own bed. She knew that wasn’t going to happen, that would mean life would be dealing her some good luck for a change. She rolled around on the floor, trying to find something, anything sharp enough to untie her hands. She hit her head harshly against a pipe on the wall, she winced as pain struck her like a bolt of lightning. She turned around in an effort to loosen the cable ties that held her wrists together, rubbing them against the pipe, it felt like an unsuccessful mission, that was until she moved down the line a little, meeting the metal bolt that joined the pipe to the wall.   
There was just enough room for her to manoeuvre the metal latch between her wrists and the tie, she pulled and pulled until it started to slowly loosen. She didn’t know what Halstead was up to on account of her still being blinded by the sack on her head but she kept going until there was enough room to slip one of her hands out, she groaned at the tight squeeze, but pulled her other hand free. She removed the sack from over her head first, scanning the room and their surroundings, she ran to Jay, using her teeth to untie his wrists, ripping the sack from off his head. “Halstead.” She breathed, wrapping her arms around his neck, he fell into her embrace, her body shivered against his body heat.   
“I’m okay.” He whispered as she broke away from their embrace. She looked him up and down, searching for bruises or injuries. There wasn’t a whole lot of light in there, but she watched his face change as he noticed her face, the bruises, the cut on her lips. He was worried.   
“I’m going to kill them.” He promised, holding the back of her head gently, she closed her eyes not knowing if he’d have a chance. He ran his other hand over her shoulders, she winced as he fingered more bruises.   
“Didn’t your dad ever tell you to keep your mouth shut?” He asked, knowing they only attacked her because she was provoking them.  
“He also told me not to go down without a fight.” She chuckled, gripping his muscular arm. Jay smiled, pulling her back in for a hug. Her words rang in his ears, and he knew he wasn’t going to let them take Erin down without a fight. They could take him, but he was sure he wasn’t going to let them break her. 

Voight swung his fist against the face of a younger man, he was handcuffed to the cage, refusing to talk. Antonio stood guard against the door, not wanting Burgess and Roman to get in on this action just quite yet.   
“Now are you going to tell us what we need, or are we going to have to get creative?” Voight asked, moving in closer, Olinsky opened the cage, handing Voight a piece of iron. “I think it’s about to get colourful.” He said to Voight, patting his boss on the back. Voight nodded, “Well I guess that settles it.” He told Diego, thrusting the Iron bar into his ribs. The man cried out in pain, but showed no signs of surrendering.   
Voight whacked him again, this time on the knees, he wasn’t afraid of breaking bones for answers. In fact, he preferred it. Another series of cries sounded, but still no talking. Olinsky grabbed a handful of iron chain, wrapping it around the neck of the man, he lifted the ends up higher, indicating to Voight whether it was high enough to dangle the crim from, Voight looked up, “Little higher.” He told him with a smirk.   
Diego started to panic, he looked up at Olinsky’s hands as he started to feed the chain through to cage gapes. “Alright! Alright!” he yelled, surrendering finally.  
“Oh? Now you have something to say?” Voight mocked, did you hear that Olinsky, this scumbag has something to say.” He announced loudly, Antonio walked over, leaning his hands against the outside of the cage.   
“That didn’t take as long as I thought it would.” He said matter of a factly.   
Diego glared at him, his face softening as he spotted Voight’s menacing face looking straight at him.  
“Now, what was it you had to tell me?”


	3. Chapter 3

Erin and Jay sat against the moist walls of the dimly lit room, Erin rested her forehead against Jay's shoulder, it was the only part of her face that didn't hurt to do so. Jay was breathing softly; she liked the way his whole body moved every time he took a breath.

"What do you think Voight is doing right now?" Jay asked her, she lifted her head up, watching him as he spoke, she didn't know what to say, there was no telling what Voight could be doing right now. But she knew he would be doing a lot more than sitting on his ass like the pair of them were.

"Probably beating the crap out of someone." She chuckled.

Jay could feel her shivering, he wrapped an arm around her shoulder, pushing her into his warmth. It wasn't much but it was the best he had. Freezing to death wasn't exactly part of the plan, and in a way he liked protecting her, having her closer to him.

"In a messed up way, I'm glad you're the one here with me." Erin whispered, feeling herself calm and mellow, they hadn't eaten in over 24 hours, they were tired and hungry and sore all over. She was about to drift off yet again.

"Oh yeah?" Jay asked, holding back his own shivers.

"Yeah." She whispered huskily.

"Erin, stay awake with me alright?" He told her, moving his shoulder to keep her from getting too comfortable, she was trying, she really was, but her eyes just kept drifting shut.

Jay stood up, holding her under his arms so she was in a standing position, he walked her around the room slowly, just enough to get the blood flowing again. "Wake up." He told her over and over, she grunted, rubbing her eyes. "I'm awake." She promised.

Kelly Severide walked into firehouse 51, he could feel the eyes of his fellow firemen watching him as he passed them, he didn't care. This was where he had to be. He couldn't sit at home and do nothing, he needed to be doing something, saving lives so he could feel adequate. Chief Boden had other plans however, signalling him into his office straight after his arrival.

"Severide, it would be completely understandable if you wanted to sit this shift out." The chief started, but Kelly wasn't having any of it. He didn't need sympathy, sympathy wasn't going to change the fact that his girlfriend was missing.

"Chief, with all due respect, the best place for me to be right now is on the job." He insisted, the chief looked unconvinced, he knew what it was like to have your personal life affect your job.

"Please." Kelly begged.

Boden was thinking it over in his head, he knew that his heart and his brain weren't going to agree on this, but he also knew he wouldn't forgive himself if he forced his lieutenant out of the firehouse.

"If you show any signs of distraction, I'm sending you home."

Kelly smiled, "Thank-you."

Matthew Casey had just arrived on shift, he walked over to Kelly with concern on his face, "Heard anything yet?" He asked, biting into his apple. Kelly shook his head, still in disbelief that this was his reality.

"Antonio said they have leads, just have to hope that they actually get somewhere with that." He said sadly, fidgeting on the spot.

Casey tapped him on the back, "They'll find her, if I learnt anything from Voight it's that he protects his family right? He'll find her."

Kelly nodded, "He'd better."

It was lunch time when Gabriella ran into the arms of her older brother, "What're you doing here?" She asked, walking him into the station. Antonio gave her a sad look, she understood immediately. "Erin and Jay still missing?" She asked, and he nodded, "Afraid so, have you seen Kelly?"

Gabby called out Kelly's name, the man appeared a few moments later, he looked rough even for Kelly. She couldn't help but feel sorry for him. "Call out if you need anything okay?" She said to her brother before leaving the two men to their conversation.

"Hey man," Antonio greeted the fireman, grabbing his hand in a firm shake.

"Heard anything?" Kelly asked in deep concernment.

Antonio shook his head, "We followed a few leads, one of our C.I's gave a tip we've been following it today. Still nothing, I'll let you know if anything changes." He promised just as his phone starting ringing.

"Antonio." He answered, turning away from Kelly.

"We found something." Voight barked on the other end.

"Send me the address."

Antonio looked at Kelly, "I'll keep you posted." He promised before running straight out of the station and into his car.

"Home owner across the street reported seeing the van coming and going from here over the past few days." Voight explained as Ruzek bashed down the front door, Antonio and the others raised their guns as they raced inside, Ruzek and Olinsky were up front, a chorus of "Clear" sounded throughout the house, boots clacked as they met against a staircase down to the basement.

"Voight, you need to come see this!" Alvin shouted up the stairs, Voight pushed past Antonio, rushing down the stairwell.

"They've been here." Ruzek announced, pointing over to the two chairs, to any civilian, the scene would have looked like two chairs in an empty basement, but not to the team, Lindsay had left behind a strip of her shirt, wrapped around the leg of her chair. Voight ripped the fabric from the furniture, "That's my girl." He cracked a smile, turning back to his team.

"I want street surveillance, witness statements, find out if anyone in the surrounding blocks has seen the van, we're going to find those sons of bitches."

Jay rest his hand on the small of Erin's back, he had let her sit back down on the promise that she'd try and stay awake. "You know when I first met you, I wanted to bang you." He told her, trying to keep her alert.

Erin chuckled, rolling her tired eyes. "I know you did." She told him, he laughed softly. She liked the sound of his laugh she always had.

"Oh really?" He asked with a smirk. "I was telling all the boys how I had the hot partner, and they were all jealous." He teased, watching her face perk up slightly.

"You did not." She fought, punching his shoulder softly.

"I did too, you can ask them yourself."

"I will." She threatened, before bringing herself back down to reality. "When we get out of here, you owe be a big mac." She told him, scanning the room.

"Deal," He nodded, watching her gaze.

"What, no fight?" She asked smugly.

He shook his head, "No fight."

"Don't tell me you're going soft on me."

"Not like you're making me hard." He wriggled his eyebrows, she laughed sarcastically but he did catch the small smile she had been trying to hide.

"What kind of room do you think this is anyway?" He asked after a moment of awkward silence. Erin looked around the room once more, taking in her surroundings.

"I'm guessing it's an old laundry room, but with these guys I wouldn't be surprised if they'd been cooking up all kinds of nasty surprises between these walls once upon a time."

"Could be one of their meth lairs you think?" He asked, imagining it in his head.

"Couldn't have been too recent, this place looks abandoned. No sane person would ever come in here willingly."

"Well I definitely wouldn't."

She looked at him and nodded, leaning back into his body. "Me either."


	4. Chapter 4

One night Erin had asked Voight why he didn't like inter unit relationships, at first he shrugged the question off. Acting as though it was nothing. He tried changing the subject but she wouldn't drop it, he caved of course. He almost always did, even if it was just to shut her up.

He had told her a story, about two partners he once knew. They had each other's backs from the start, their feelings took over their better judgements until their emotions cost a life. He vowed to never allow such a thing to happen in his unit, there was no room for distractions, or saving ones lover over another member. She had felt bad for the guy after that, having always thought it was another way for him to gain control, a stubborn ass as she liked to call him. But it was deeper than that, she finally understood why it was so important to him to keep her and Jay on a professional level and why Burgess was yet to be promoted. He was saving them the heartache in his own way.

Sometimes she liked to think about how different her life would be if she hadn't joined the intelligence unit, if she had never met Voight or Jay or any of the others. Would Jay be held captive right now with another partner? Or was it her own damn fault they were in this mess to begin with? She didn't know the answer, but she knew dwelling on the want ifs weren't going to get her out of there alive.

She stood to her feet, scoping out the place, she needed to figure out what kind of pickle they were in so she could find a way out of there. Jay opened his eyes, watching her as she eyed the door, he could hear her rattling the handle, but of course it was locked.

"They only have hand guns, no rifles or anything they can spit rounds at us with." She started ranting to him, pacing back and forth, "There's about six guys, most of them are younger probably proving their loyalty to the men at the top." She explained, knowing that Jay hadn't seen most of what she had.

"And how are you going to take on six guys?" Jay asked her, it's not that he was doubting her, he just wasn't entirely convinced of this plan.

"How are we" she corrected, walking back over to him. "Look, I know it sounds stupid, but I can't just sit here and wait for them to starve us out. If all that training we did in the academy doesn't come in handy in a kidnapping then I don't know when it will."

Jay could understand where she was coming from, and even though he was from military background he still had a bad feeling in the pit of his stomach. "Only if we both agree on it okay? If I get a bad vibe, you can't just start a surprise attack on your own. Promise?"

Lindsay didn't want to waste time on pinkie swears, but she also didn't want to waste it on arguing either. She nodded, "Okay."

"You know they're not going to be happy when they find out we untied ourselves."

"Yeah well, I'm not happy with them either."

Ruzek and Olinsky stood in the doorframe of an elderly couple, they had sworn black and blue that they'd seen the can passing through just hours ago.

"You're saying a black van passed by your place at what, 4am?" Ruzek questioned, not entirely believing the old man's story.

"Yes that's right." He said slowly.

Ruzek leaned into Olinsky's hearing range. "Are we buying this story?" He asked, convinced the old man had gone bonkers.

"Do you have any other leads?" Alvin questioned the younger cop, Ruzek shrugged, his partner had a fair point there.

"Did you happen to get the number on the plates?" Alvin asked their witness, who was scratching the top of his bald head.

"I-I think it had a 5 in it, didn't it dear?" He asked, turning towards his wife.

"Oh yes, it had a 5 and a 9 in it." She agreed.

"Thank-you for your time, if we have any more questions we'll call you." Alvin promised the pair, walking back out to the street. Ruzek walked around to the passenger side, climbed in and waited before speaking again.

"If Burgess keeps her looks by the time she's that age, I'll be a lucky man."

Alvin started the engine, ignoring what his partner was saying.

"I mean, she must be what? 70? Underneath those wrinkles she must have been a very attractive woman in her day."

Alvin pulled out into traffic with a jerk, mostly just to shut Ruzek up.

"One thing I learnt in my life, don't value a woman by her looks." He spoke wisely, and Ruzek quickly shut up after that.

Back at the station, Ruzek and Olinsky were having difficulties trying to find number plate matches on Jin's computer, it had been the cause of many arguments between the partners since Voight announced he wasn't going to bring in anyone to replace him. Every set of partners would have to free fall in amongst a bunch of technology they seldom understood.

"I don't know how he did this everyday. It's like learning another language." Ruzek complained, clicking the mouse repeatedly trying to hurry the thing up.

Alvin rest his fingers over the top of his younger partner, urging him to stop. "I thought all you young guys were tech savvy." He accused.

"Yeah well not all of us spend their lives staring at screens all day."

"Oh yeah? What are you doing now tough guy?"

Ruzek stared at him in annoyance, closing his mouth before saying something he's regret. He turned back to the screen and continued his searches.

Antonio walked into the station, he was headed straight for Voight's office. Hank signalled him inside, instructing him to shut the door as usual.

"What've you got?" He asked, knowing his best detective must have found something.

"Gas station was robbed this morning, 4:15am. Possibly it's unrelated, but a black van was caught on security tape."

"What did they take? Gas?" Voight asked, wondering what Antonio was getting at.

"Ice bags."

Voight frowned, struggling to connect the dots.

Antonio held his hand out as if to say "bear with me." Hank nodded, waiting for the punch line.

"If you're a crook with a couple of cops, what are you going to do to make them talk?" He asked, hoping His boss could piece the puzzle together.

"Take them for a dunk." He answered, and Antonio clicked his fingers.

"Exactly."

Erin pulled away from Jay, she could hear the footsteps, they weren't far away possibly just down the hall. She looked at her partner with a slight panic, but she was ready for a fight.

She moved towards the door, Jay by her side ready to pounce as soon as the door opened, what they weren't counting on was being sprayed with pepper spray. "What the hell you assholes!" Erin yelled between her coughs.

Jay tried to fight back as they twisted his arms behind his back in another attempt to restrain the pair.

"Get your filthy hands off me!" He could hear Erin screaming but he knew better than to give his all in this fight. "Erin, it's okay just calm down." He called over to her.

They were bound to chairs, this time with rope, they couldn't move, and yes they'd both tried, numerous times. The rope wasn't moving at all.

They were now in what appeared to have once been a bathroom, the bathtub was filled to the brim with ice and water, a lethal combination in itself.

Jay glared at their captors, he's been schooled in this, and wasn't about to budge. He knew they were looking for answers, and he wasn't going to give them anything.

"Don't tell them anything." He whispered to Erin who was sitting directly beside him, she smirked.

"Wasn't counting on it partner."

"Stop talking!" One of the men yelled at them, clanging an iron rod against the edge of the bathtub. The ringing sound pierced all their ears.

"If we stop talking how are you doing to find out what you want to know?" Jay asked, trying to confuse them. They men in the room, the two of them. Didn't look much younger than Jay or Erin. Jay figured the best way to get out of this situation would be to confuse and frustrate them as much as he could possibly do so.

Voight was paired up with Antonio, they'd been viewing the footage from the gas station. They were at the point where they could practically taste how close they were getting, and at the same time it felt like they were still at square one.

"Olinsky just called, no gas stations in the area have seen the van. They can't have gone too far without gas."

"They're still in town." Voight said with a smile, "Alright, let's go and see if anyone off the streets has anything to say."

Antonio followed Voight back into his car. He just hoped that time was on their sides for once.

"You want to know what we know right?" Jay asked the men who were holding him captive, he figured stalling was their best bet right now, unless of course Erin had come up with a better plan in the past few minutes.

"No talking."

"Okay, but if you change your mind don't blame me for not wanting to answer." Jay told him, tapping his feet against the tiles.

"You." One of the men pointed towards Erin, "You shouldn't have followed us girl." Erin looked up at them with a menacing stare, she wasn't going to let their words affect her, even though on the inside she was slightly freaking out.

"Maybe you should have been less obvious about your little operation then." She snapped icily. They did not like her attitude at all, and before she knew what was happening, the two of them had taken one side of her chair each and were lifting her face first into the ice cold water, she gasped as her flesh hit the ice, she tried to hold her breath as best she could as the ice burnt against her skin. They pulled her up out of the water, and laughed at the freshly reddened face in front of them. "Now you talk." They told her, but Erin wasn't giving in. She stared him right between the eyes and spat. "Never."


	5. Chapter 5

Jay cried out in pain, the ice water was burning his lungs. Erin winced, that was one sound she did not want to hear. She had no way of blocking out the sounds, she kept her eyes closed so she didn't have to watch them torture her partner, as they forced his head down into the tub. He was a fighter, she knew that he was fighting back, she just hated that he was in pain.

"Let go" She said calmly, kicking one of her captors. It wasn't a hard kick, just enough to gain his attention.

Without letting go of Jay, she was slapped across the face. "I said, let go of him!" She screamed. Jay was pulled out of the tub, he gasped for air, turning to meet Erin's eye. She was grabbed around the throat, throttling her until she started turning blue. Jay started yelling, "That's enough." Over and over, each time his volume increased, and fear caused his voice to shake.

"She doesn't know anything!" Jay yelled at them, kicking the man nearest to him, he missed. Just nicking the back of his knee, but it was enough for them to let go of her.

She gasped for air, her eyes searched Jay's she was scared, and so was he. Her nostrils flared slightly indicating that she was just seconds away from crying. He shook his head, his eyes were milky, and to Erin he looked like a little boy, just for a second.

Nadia had sat by the phone in Erin's apartment since she'd been missing, Nadia didn't want to be out and about when her one true friend could be in danger, she needed to stay put, to be ready in case someone called, in case she was needed.

Burgess had come over to check on her twice, but she still wouldn't leave the apartment. Every time she heard the phone ring, she'd jump to her feet only to realise it was just a phone on the TV, she didn't even know if anyone was going to call but she had to be there, she just had to feel like she was doing something.

A knock at the front door and she was on her feet running to answer it, on the other side it was Kelly. She didn't have much to do with the fireman, but she'd met him a few times when he was with Erin.

"Hi." She smiled sweetly, although her heart wasn't in it.

"Can I come in?" He asked, she nodded and stepped aside. She noticed in his hands he was carrying take out.

"You hungry?" He asked, wandering into the kitchen. He knew his way around the apartment pretty well, or well enough to be comfortable going through Erin's draws for a fork.

"I guess so." Nadia shrugged, sitting herself down on the sofa, she lowered the TV volume and sunk into the cushions.

"I know there is nothing we can do, but Antonio is good at his job. He's helped out some of the guys down at the firehouse, he'll find her." He said to Nadia, sitting himself down beside of her.

She nodded, still not entirely convinced, she wanted to be but it was hard, she knew what some of the guys on the streets were like. They hated cops, some hated them so much they would do just about anything to them without having any remorse. She hadn't eaten in the two days since Erin had been taken, the idea of food was too hard to stomach so she never actually tried feeding herself, but now with Kelly handing her a plate of food she felt obliged to at least have a few nibbles.

"She's tough." He assured her, but she wondered if he was really trying to convince himself.

As day finally turned into night, Voight wandered the streets looking to lure a rat out for some cheese. He was eager to find his girl even if it meant dancing with the devil. He knew these streets, he' patrolled them well, but this time it was different, it felt eerier than usual. The street light flickered as he stood out in front of the big dumpster. A pair of men wandered over to him, they handed their hands out for the money, Voight placed rolls of $100 bills into both of their palms.

"Where is she?" He asked them, strength in his tone.

"We ain't saying nothing til we count this." One of the guys told him, Voight shook his head in disbelief.

"It's all there, you have my word on that."

"We'll know when we know."

Voight wasn't going to stand for their attitude, He whacked the money from his hands, pinning him against the dumpster, "That's 10 grand right there, you'd better tell me what you know before I make sure you never walk these streets again, you got it?"

A nod was all it took before Voight released his grip. He pointed his finger at the guy menacingly. "Start talking." He commanded.

Erin yelped as she was thrown back into the damp room they'd been before, Jay was lying on the ground beside her, their feet were tied again, even though their captors didn't expect that to last long. They were weak, they were tired and they were hungry. Erin traced her finger over Jay's nose, it was broken. She gave him a sympathetic look, "I'm sorry for getting you into this mess." She whispered, her fingers moving down his neck, tracing every bruise as she did so. Jay coughed, still recovering from the workout his lungs endured.

"I'm your partner, if I wasn't in this mess with you I wouldn't be doing my job." He reminded her, but for some reason she felt it was more than that. His words were saying one thing but the look on his face was saying another.

"Right." She nodded with a small smile. It hurt her face to move it even slightly but she couldn't help it. Her fingers stopped, landing on his shoulder. She looked into his eyes and said, "Why are we still laying on the floor?"

Jay chuckled, "Good question." He swung himself around in his best attempt to sit up, he held back a wince as pain shot through his body. He wasn't entirely sure but he suspected a broken bone in his arm.

"Careful." Erin croaked as she too sat herself up. They both leaned against one of the walls, a different one to last time. She reached over to grab hold of his hand. She needed the comfort, she needed him at that moment.

He didn't mention it, not even when they started linking their fingers together, they didn't need to say anything. All they needed to do was sit there together and wait for whatever challenge they'd needed to face next.

When Erin closed her eyes she was haunted with the memory, the violence, the rage as they threw Jay around that bathroom. She tried to block out the sound but it was something she wasn't going to forget soon, he tried to fight back, but he was outnumbered and weak. She was yelling at them to stop but that just made them more determined to hurt him. Jay was bleeding, his face covered in blood and all she could hear was her own scream, as they kept beating and beating him. She snapped her eyes open, reaching out to make sure he was still beside her. She hadn't meant to doze off, but with the lack of sleep and having had no food in two days she was exhausted.

"Erin calm down, I'm right here." Jay whispered as she snuggled into his chest. He wrapped his good arm around her, pressing her further into his chest. She grabbed hold of his t'shirt and wasn't letting go any time soon.


	6. Chapter 6

Cold and wet, weak and tired Erin breathed in the scent of her partner, she had somehow managed to sling Jay's arm against his chest with her shirt, he had insisted that he was okay, but she wasn't sure. She wanted to look after him, her partner. He was always there for her, and she wanted him to know that she’d always be there for him too.

"I really don't know how much longer I'm going to last without eating." She told Jay, trying to keep the conversation going. They had no way of telling what the time was or even how long they'd been there, it could have been night time, it could have been days they didn't know, the only thing they were certain of was that it felt like a hell of a long time, and their stomachs agreed with them wholeheartedly. 

"Maybe you'll get to eat me." Jay said softly, leaning his head against the wall. Erin chuckled, even though he was been morbid. If things were different she probably would have shoved him or punched his arm gently, but looking at him right then and there he looked so fragile, like even the smallest of touches could break him. 

"You wish." She snorted, leaning back against the wall. Jay smirked, too tired to laugh himself. "How many hours do you think it's been?" She asked finally, after an intense stare down between the pair of them.

"Since what?" He asked softly, tapping her knee with one of his fingers. 

She looked down at her own hands, almost as if she was ashamed of what she was about to say, “since we stopped believing that Voight was going to save us." 

Jay frowned, shaking his head gently. "You can bet your perky little ass that he's breaking bones trying to find where you are." 

"Where we are, you're a part of the team too." She corrected him, rubbing her hand up and down his good arm gently, careful not to bump any of his bruises. 

"Yeah, but I guarantee he'd break less if it were only me in here." Jay responded almost bitterly, it’s not that he didn’t doubt that Voight would pull strings to protect everyone from their unit, he knew his boss was quite capable of doing so. He just didn’t know if he’d be so personally invested in his own rescue if golden girl Erin wasn’t involved, he wasn’t exactly Voight’s favourite person lately.

"That's not true." She shook her head refusing to believe it. Jay was important, they all were. They were a family. That's what she believed, and nobody could tell her otherwise, even now in this situation she was as stubborn as ever. One of Jay’s favourite traits about her, despite how uncharming it might seem to other people at times.

He didn't want to argue, instead he reached over and took her hand in his again. "He'll come." He assured her even though neither of them were too sure anymore. They knew he would try, and somehow he would succeed, they were just losing hope in it being soon, their rescue was starting to feel like it would fall in the “too late.” Category.

Jay closed his eyes, memories flooded his mind, the day he first met Erin, how he saw through her tough chick persona. There was more to her than she wanted everyone to think, he smiled at the memory of her pinning him against the walls of their district. Her eyes were fierce and her tongue was feisty as she told him the rules. He smiled remembering all the times he'd gone to drive and she'd beat him to it. He didn't want those moments to stop, he would have given anything to have her drive him around right then instead of being trapped in a house, bleeding and broken. 

There had been moments when he had wanted to hold her in his arms, and to have her as his own, and now he was wondering if he's ever get the chance to see that beautiful smile, to hear her laugh because something was funny instead of laughing to keep her from crying. He opened his eyes, and glanced over at her, the girl he could very well fall in love with if he let himself. She was a hot mess, blood stained clothes, bruised from head to toe but still the hottest girl he'd ever seen. 

"Do you think Lindsay and Halstead are together?" Ruzek asked Atwater as they waited for Voight to arrive at the station. Atwater shrugged, he hadn't really thought about it. He knew his ex partner Burgess hadn't been given a promotion because she was involved with Ruzek, but he had imagined that Erin would play by the rules considering Voight would hang Halstead by his balls if he was caught sneaking around with her. 

"I don't know, would be a bit risky." He answered, logging into his computer. 

"Have you noticed the sexual tension in the air?" Ruzek asked, and in Atwater's opinion he was stepping over the line. 

"If I wanted to play gossip girl I would have become a journalist." He said without skipping a beat. 

Ruzek nodded, "You're right man, I just don't like the idea of the two of them being in this situation, if I was in their position. I wouldn't know what to do if it was someone I loved." That’s just the way he was, when things got too serious he didn’t want to dwell on it, to feel more than he had to. 

"You're scared of losing me, how cute." Alvin interrupted, patting Ruzek on the cheek as he passed him. 

"That's right Al, you got me." Ruzek called back, hiding his embarrassment and retreating back to his own desk.

"Idiot." Atwater muttered under his breath, it wasn’t that he didn’t like Ruzek. He just questioned that man’s ability to filter his thoughts from exiting his mouth. 

 

“We’ve got names.” Voight announced as he walked straight down the middle of the room, he began sticking mug shots on the white board, scribbling names above each one. “These scumbags are at the bottom of the food chain, having two cops as their hostages is like an initiation, if they get away with this they’ll prove themselves to the big guns. They’re going to want to keep our guys alive as long as they can if they want that to happen, which works in our favour now doesn’t it?” He asked, not expecting an answer. “This guy here,” He said pointing towards one of the youngest looking men on the board, “was caught on camera in a convenience store last night, chances are the little prick is going to turn up again, I want Atwater and Ruzek in that store undercover at the register. You see him, you call us, alright?” He instructed them, signalling between himself and Olinsky. 

Ruzek nodded, “You got it boss.” He rose to his feet, Atwater followed him out leaving Olinsky and Voight alone together. 

“You know something else don’t you?” Alvin asked, knowing Voight better than anyone. Hank didn’t say a word at first, he just looked at the man with a knowing looking upon his face, he reached over and grabbed his jacket. 

“You coming?” He asked, as he started towards the stairs. Alvin had no choice but to follow blindly.


	7. Chapter 7

“If we weren’t in here, what would you be doing right now?” Jay asked Erin, they hadn’t talked in a while the silence was deafening. It wasn’t because they didn’t want to talk, the lack of energy had played a huge role in the way they interacted in the past few hours, without water or food they were slowly starting to lose their energy. Erin had moved to the floor, laying on her back and stared at the ceiling for the past hour or so, at least it felt like that long. They were still struggling to determine time, without the sun it had been a difficult task. 

“Depends,” She pondered, thinking about it for a moment, where would she be? What would she be doing? She didn’t know a definite answer, there were too many possibilities. She may have been in the office working on a case, or out with Kelly somewhere. Or maybe she wouldn’t be with him, it was hard to tell how she would be feeling if none of this happened. She prepped herself up onto her elbows, looking over towards her worn out partner. 

“I’d probably be on the couch watching a game.” Jay offered, a small smile erupted on his face, his cheekbones stung from the movement but he worked through the pain. Erin nodded her head slightly, wondering if she would have joined him. It had been a while since they’d gotten together to watch a game.   
“Next time I’ll join you.” She told him, laying back down against the hard floor, it was the most uncomfortable surface to lay upon but it was all she had, she was too tired to sit up like Jay was, even if he did have the wall to lean on. 

“I expect you to bring the beer, since you invited yourself over.” He teased, trying to lift his spirits, maybe if he wasn’t so tired and if he didn’t sport a broken limb he would have chosen this moment to join her on the floor, but all he could do was watch the beautiful girl across from him, and try to keep his smiles to himself.  
“Of course you do, what’s next? You want to drive?” She played back, although her voice wasn’t back to its normal state, she still sounded better than she had a few hours earlier when she had been close to a break down. Jay had never seen her in that state, so lost and scared. The Lindsay he knew was always act now, think later. She never let her fears out into the open, never showed her vulnerability. She was one tough nut, it broke a piece inside of him seeing her at her very worst, on the verge of giving up. He didn’t enjoy seeing her that way. It hurt him worse than a few bruises or broken bones. It hurt his soul. 

“Do you let Kelly drive you places, or does he sit shotgun when he takes you on dates?”   
“We usually take separate cars Mr Smarty Pants.”   
“So I’m the only guy you chauffeur for?” He asked, feeling special, he saw the look on her face, she wanted to spit back some witty comeback but she was struggling to find one. “Kidding.” He added in a hushed tone, stretching his legs out, his legs overlapped hers, but she didn’t move them. 

Nadia was alone in Erin’s apartment yet again, watching TV and awaiting news, any news on Erin. A knock on the door startled her, she wasn’t expecting to have company either evening, but especially not two nights in a row. She rushed to the door, unlocking all the bolts until she was greeted by the face of a young male.   
“Can I help you?” She asked, not knowing who he was or what he was doing on Erin’s doorstep with a bag of food. She crossed her arms, if this was some kind of joke someone was pulling, sending her attractive men every night to feed her, she wasn’t enjoying the joke. 

“Uh yeah, my name’s Peter Mills, Severide is on shift, he told me to come and see if you wanted dinner?” He said awkwardly, she bit her lip he was kind of cute.   
“Well I’m not that hungry, but since you’re here...” She moved out of the way, stepping aside so he could come in past her.   
“So you’re a fireman too?” She asked as they made their way over to the sofa, Mills nodded, making himself comfortable beside the young woman.   
“Yeah, I’ve only been on the job for a few years. I love it there.” He told her, unpacking the take out. 

She nodded, holding her hand out as he passed her some food. “What about you?” He added, realising he hadn’t exactly prompted further conversation.  
She froze up, not know how to answer him. Were you meant to tell cute boys that you were a newly sobered ex hooker? She didn’t think that would go over too well. “I’m uh, between jobs right now. Erin’s been helping me out.” She answered quick on her feet.  
He smiled, “Well if I hear of any job opportunities I’ll let you know.” He offered politely, causing her to smile more than she wanted to.   
“Thank-you.” 

Ruzek and Atwater had done their job, Voight was pleased with the sight in front of him, a man in his mid twenties, was cuffed inside the cage. Antonio had finally arrived after visiting his kids for the day. “This our guy?” He asked Voight, who had filled him in on the phone early. 

“This is our guy.” He confirmed, making his way over towards the caged monkey. “He’s going to talk, I can feel it.” He smiled evilly sending shivers down Antonio’s spine. He watched as his boss stared down the younger man through the wires.   
“You and I are going to have a little chat, he told their captive. He didn’t reply to Voight, and Antonio knew why, he was going to put on the tough guy act, keep his mouth shut and his loyalties high, it wouldn’t last. It never did. 

Erin sat up, she could hear footsteps nearing the room, boots banging against the floorboards, she looked over at Jay anticipating the worse. She grabbed hold of his hand and squeezed it tenderly, “Good luck.” She whispered, not entirely sure why she had used those exact words, but it was too late to change them. She looked up with wide eyes as the men walked into the room, grabbing at her, forcing her to move, they tied her hands together again but this time she wasn’t fighting them.

They didn’t care that Jay was injured, they pulled him up by the arms, he cried out even though he was trying his hardest to hold it back. Erin turned back to face him, he looked at her with hope that they wouldn’t get separated. They were pulled and shoved down the hallway, Erin tried to look around, to find anything that would help her figure out where they were but most of the windows in the house had been boarded up. They were taken straight to the garage, a new car in place of the van they’d been transported in both times before. She winced as they picked her up, shoving her into the trunk of the car, she tried to roll herself over to give herself more comfort but it was hard when they shoved Jay into the same tight space. They looked at each other, until they were shut inside, and it was too dark to see in front of their own faces.

They rolled into each other every corner of the road, she’d apologise knowing how much pain he was probably going through, he bite back his urge to yell out every time they hit a bump, and maybe if she could see a single thing in there, she would have tried to comfort him, but it was too risky trying to find a non injured limb for her reach out and touch.  
“Learn to drive you assholes!” She screamed out at one point after Jay had taken a mean hit against the door of the trunk.   
“I don’t think,” he winced, “they can hear you.” He told her, not that they would care even if they could.  
“They’re going to rot in prison.” She promised him, closing her eyes and listening to the road. She wondered if were possible to kick out a tail light, but the little room they had left was probably too risky to try it. She sighed, just hoping they’d get themselves out of this mess soon.


	8. Chapter 8

If she could look back on all the great memories she had being Halstead's partner, she would be able to tell stories of silly things he'd said, or about the time when she made him pretend to be her fiancée for all of ten minutes before changing her mind. She could recite dirty jokes he'd tell her on stake outs to cute her boredom, or the times he's had to hide in her apartment when Voight's stopped by unexpectedly. She didn't want this to be the end, for either of then to die like this. She wasn't going to allow herself to think like that either. It was a surprise for both of them when they arrived at their new location, they were finally given food, she must have looked funny gulping down all that water, but Jay never said a word. Probably because he was too busy stuffing his face with his burrito. It seemed strange that after all those hours without food, or anything to drink that it was decided it was time to feed the prisoners. She wanted to be cautious, to reject the things she craved for the most but she couldn't help herself, she didn't even think about the possibility of having to use the bathroom in front of Jay again, like they'd been forced to do on the first day, back when they actually had things in their stomachs to digest. All she could do was feed the monster inside of her that was starved and craving for any scrap of nutrients it could obtain. 

There was one thing the food had proved, they were planning on keeping them alive a little longer and for the first time since they'd been taken, she was glad when they locked the pair of them into another basement, feeling the strongest she had since the first attack, she was ready to start strategising. She knew their chances were slim considering Jay's broken arm but she had to do something, even if she never executed the plan she still needed to feel like she was trying to get out of there. 

"You know what's funnier than you gulping down all that water?" Jay asked her as she started pacing the room. She stopped and held her hands to her hips. 

"You eating a burrito one handed?" She asked with a burning tone. Her old spark was almost back. 

He bit down on his lower lip, she had him there. She smirked, going back to her pacing. Her lip was healing slowly, she ran her tongue over the split. It stung slightly, but not enough to hurt her. She kind of liked the way it burned in a sad way it reminded her of her childhood.

She was still only wearing a singlet, after having used her shirt to sling Jay's arm. She was cold, so walking around was her way of keeping herself warm. She was taking in her new surroundings, the room was smaller than the others they'd been in, probably a smaller house she guessed. With all the travel she knew Voight and the team would have their work cut out for them. 

Antonio bashed down the door of an old run down house, he led the team into the house, their guns raised out in front of them as they checked every room, Ruzek and Olinsky moved down to the basement just like last time, if this was the same guys - the ones who had Halstead and Lindsay they would probably find something down there. 

Antonio and Voight walked down another hallway, Antonio kicked open a door, he held out his gun, as he wandered in. It was the very same bathroom that Erin and Jay had been tortured in, dried blood all over the bathtub which was still filled with water. The ice had long since melted but judging my the position of the chairs, and the bounds of rope on the floor, the two men looked at each other. 

"They were here." Antonio voiced what they were both thinking. He looked around the room for further investigation, a bloody fingerprint left against the light switch. It wasn’t much, but it was something.

Voight made the call into his radio, forensics would confirm whose blood was draped across the tub and all over the floor. He shuddered at the idea that it could be Lindsay’s. 

Ruzek wandered in through the doorway, "Hey boss, Lindsay left something for us in the basement again." He informed, signalling for the two men to follow him down stairs. 

Olinsky was staring down at the floor, it was old and dusty and if you weren't looking for something you may have missed it. He almost had, it was small but it was there all the same.

Voight stood beside him, sharing his view. They stared down at the spot just in front of their shoes, a scratched message and a smudge of blood. He leaned down for a closer inspection, standing himself back up before he spoke, turning around to speak directly at the others who weren’t able to read it.

"We are ok" Voight read out aloud. He shook his head, instantly thinking about the how wrong that was. How could she say they're okay? When they're being locked in basements and tortured. 

"Atwater, Ruzek. Go and talk to some of the neighbours. Maybe they saw something." He instructed, walking up the stairs. The team followed him out of the house, where they were met with Burgess and Roman. They walked over to Voight, Burgess had a concerned look upon her usually cherry face. 

"There is something in the garage you might want to see." She told him, and he turned himself back around in that direction. 

Antonio was already there, along with the black van their only lead. Voight's face dropped their whole case might have just been ruined. He stared at the van in disbelief, they'd taken another car. Do you know how many different makes and models of cars were in Chicago? Without a witness, they had nothing but a trail of where they'd been. They could search every basement in the city and still not have enough time to find them. He felt like his own heart was shattering into a million pieces, he hated losing one of his own, but losing someone who he'd considered his own child? That was way worse than any torture he could endure. 

"There's more." Antonio spoke after letting his boss soak in this turn of events. 

"How can anything be worse?" He snapped, turning to face him. Antonio knew that tempers would be flared, so he didn't mention the high tension in the air. 

Instead he handed Voight two A4 sized photographs, the sight made Voight sick, in one picture there was Jay with his face bruised and his nose bloodied, his arm was deformed from the bone sticking out in the wrong direction. He had a gun aimed at his temple, Voight almost didn't look at the second picture, he didn't want to see Erin that way but he forced himself to turn over the sheet. There she was, her eyes purple and her face blue, she had bruises all over her body, and looked like a hot mess. He sighed, handing the pictures back to Antonio. "I don't care if we have to call in every cop in Chicago, we're going to find these guys and they're gonna pay." 

The nice captors routine didn't last long, sure they'd been fed earlier that day but that's where the acts of kindness ended. Erin was getting sick of this tango, being tied up and beaten for not knowing the right answers. She would have felt better if she actually knew the information they were trying to hit out of her, maybe then it would feel worth it but it wasn't, she was being beaten for information she didn't have. The truth was, they'd stumbled across this drug ring by mistake after following leads on a strong of robberies that ended in fatality. It wasn't her fault the same scumbags were involved in both. She was kicking herself mentally for running off on a lead with Halstead without waiting for backup. Wasn't that what Olinsky was always complaining about? How Ruzek rushed off without being prepared? And there she was, longer on the job, doing the same thing. 

Closing her eyes wasn't going to do anything, she could block out the vision but she couldn't block out the sound, they were still trying to break Halstead, she hated that he was being tortured for something that was her fault. He was yelling out, groaning unwillingly. He didn't like to show pain, so it must have hurt him a lot for him to be screaming out like that. 

"He doesn't know anything, he's only here because of me." She tried to explain, her voice filled with emotion, "He's here because I snooped on you guys." She told them, trying to get them to stop hurting him. 

Jay shook his head, "Erin don't." He tried to intervene. As much as he hated being beaten by steel rods he didn't want Erin to be beaten by them either. 

"Jay, you're my partner and I can't let them hurt you over me." She cried, he looked over at her with pain filled eyes begging her to shut up. He could take it, or at least that's what he told himself but she was stubborn, the girl in front of him had always been stubborn even in the worst of situations. 

"Erin stop it, you don't have to tell them anything." He begged, crying out again as they swung at his ribs. 

"Stop it!" She screamed at them, she cried out as one of the guys grabbed a bunch of her hair and pulled it roughly. They weren't showing either of them mercy, and the sinking feeling in her stomach told her that maybe that meal wasn't meant to keep them alive, maybe it was meant to be their last. 

She froze as she spotted the sight in front of her eyes, a gun was aimed directly at Jay's head. She stopped thrashing herself around, this was no longer a drill. She shook her head. "No, please don't." She begged, hysteria taking over her. "Don't, please I'll do anything. I'll tell you anything you want!" She babbled, jerking her head around to face different men. 

"Erin, I want you to know that you're the most important person in my life." Jay started talking, but she shook her head. 

"No don't you dare do the goodbye speech." She cried, not wanting this to be real. She couldn't handle him doing this, if he said goodbye it meant he might actually leave her, if he said goodbye that made this situation real. She refused to let Jay Halstead end this way. 

"Please don't do this, you'll go to prison. They'll find you! Murder is worse than any of this. Please don't" she screamed trying to find at least one of them who she could reason with. 

"Erin, you'll be okay without me." Jay told her, accepting that this could be the end. Tears streaked down her coloured cheeks, she shook her head not wanting to say goodbye, not wanting him to say goodbye. This wasn't happening, this was a nightmare. Her heart pounded against her chest trying to break free of her body, it couldn't handle losing Jay either. She gasped for air, not being able to breath. 

"Please don't do this." She whispered in a last attempt of reasoning. 

She screamed as they placed a sack over her head and fastened it so she couldn't break free. She felt trapped, and all alone. 

She wailed like a banshee as a gun shot fired, her whole body turned to rubber, her limbs hung out like a lifeless person, this was not real. This couldn't be real. She kicked her legs until she had fallen to the floor, chair and all she sobbed her eyes out, screaming and kicking her legs like a mad person. This was all her fault.


	9. Chapter 9

Burgess and Roman were on patrol, so when they heard the call come through over the radio they knew they had to take it. They sped down the roads, sirens blaring and lights flashing. Burgess ran from the passenger side straight over to the crime scene. She dropped to her knees, Roman was a little slower to the scene. He caught up and stood beside his partner. “Call Voight.” She yelled at him, he didn’t have to think twice before dialling for intelligence.   
Voight ended the call, his face went pale. Antonio walked over to him from the direction of his own desk. “What’s wrong?” He asked, causing a few heads to turn towards their boss. Voight took a second to compose himself before saying. “They’ve found a body.” 

“A body?” Ruzek asked from across the room, “Whose body?” He added in case he sounded like a fool.  
Voight grabbed his jacket, and stormed out of the door. The team all exchanged looks, before rushing to follow. Antonio jumped into Voight’s passenger seat, there was no way he was letting him leave without filling him in.   
“What’s different about this body?” He asked once they were on the road. Voight didn’t speak straight away, Antonio caught his reflection in the mirror, his eyes were red. He’d never seen Voight like this before.  
“Voight?” 

“Beheaded, they found Halstead’s ID on him. There’s no way to be sure that it’s him yet but even if it isn’t, these are the sicko’s that have them.”   
Antonio’s face fell. He had to hold himself back from punching Voight’s dashboard. He didn’t know what he would do if it turned out to be Halstead. He was like a brother to him.  
Voight ordered for the rest of his team to remain behind the tape, he walked straight over toward the body, forensics handed him over Jay’s badge. He gripped it in his hand tightly, before walking back over to Antonio who was still in shock. He handed him the badge for safe keeping. “Nobody finds out about this until we get a DNA test.” He told him, before lifting the tape over his head and stepping out to the outside. 

Erin was laying on the floor, she had cried until she had no more tears, she’d screamed for hours until she no longer had a voice. Her head was throbbing, her throat was sore. She was giving up on ever surviving, of ever getting out of there alive.  
Part of her wanted them to come back in and shoot her, another part thought she didn’t deserve an easy way out after all she was still blaming herself for all of this. Her wrists were bleeding from her trying to get out of her ties, she didn’t even care anymore. She had been pushed to the edge, over it even. If they came back in, she was going to give them a piece of her mind even if it killed her. Nobody killed her partner and got away with it.   
There was a corner of the room that was still bloody from where it happened, she couldn’t bring herself to look over there. She’d been gagging from the smell for hours, but nothing came up. She felt like even her body was battling against her.

She wanted to go home, that’s all she wanted. To go home and have Jay there with her, but in her mind, she knew that wasn’t going to happen and it was destroying her.   
Gabriella was distraught when her brother told her the news. She broke down in his arms, after knowing Jay a few years now. This just broke her heart. She didn’t want to believe it. Antonio looked like he’d cheated death, she’d never seen him this upset. That’s probably why he had come to her place instead of going straight home. Voight had sent his team home early, he didn’t want them interfering in the investigation while they were hurting. He promised he’d call them if he heard back from forensics but Antonio didn’t feel like being alone in that big, empty house.   
He felt pathetic falling into his little sister’s arms, but she welcomed him into them. She cried, and he cried harder. She told him funny things she’d remembered about Jay, and he did the same. She couldn’t imagine Jay no longer coming around with Antonio and the guys, she couldn’t imagine him no longer existing. She was scared, this was too real. If good people like Jay could be taken on the job, what was stopping someone taking her brother away from her too?   
Casey interrupted their moment, his face looked spooked and maybe slightly uncomfortable, Gabriella looked over at him, wondering what was going on.  
Casey gave Antonio a small smile, “Some guy named Alvin is outside, he said he needs to talk to Antonio.” He said tapping Antonio on the shoulder for support. Antonio nodded, when Gabby mouthed asking if he was alright to go outside. 

She watched her brother leave the room, Casey wrapped his arms around her, “He’ll be okay.”   
She nodded, but didn’t say a word.  
Antonio walked outside into the cold air, he spotted Alvin leaning against a car. It wasn’t his, it was Voight’s. He figured that’s why Casey had looked so uncomfortable, Voight was sitting inside the car.  
“DNA came back, it’s not Halstead.” Alvin told him, opening the back door of the car, Antonio climbed in, the three of them drove off in silence.   
“That body was one of the gang members, Tony Vasquez. It was a message for us.” Voight explained once they’d turned off of Casey’s street.  
“So he could still be alive?” Antonio suggested, feeling relief wash over him.

“I’m guessing he is, if they’d killed him he’d have been the one we found. They’re not going to be modest about killing a cop.”   
“Where are we going?” Antonio asked, still not sure of their course of action.  
“Back to that house, we’re going to search that building head to toe until we find a clue. They’re sloppy they must have left something behind.”   
The three of them searched every nook and cranny of that house, they were there for hours inspecting every little detail in case it they missed something. Antonio was starting to give up, to him the house just looked like any abandoned building, there was no furniture or anything else to suggest people had been there recently, besides the van and all the blood in the bathroom and basement. Alvin had the right idea though, he had given up on searching the house and had started inspecting the van.  
“Hank!” He shouted out, and the two men ran into the garage. Alvin held up a token, this may have meant nothing to most people but Voight would have recognised that anywhere. He was street smart after all. That token was like a key, a rare key to a very exclusive underground club, as shady as the shades emoji.   
“Now that just might work.” He smirked.  
Voight had called the team together, they now had a new lead and the chance of Halstead still being alive. Atwater, Burgess, Roman and Ruzek were all eager to help. That’s the way Voight needed it to be. 

 

Platt was working the desk, bossing everybody around like usual, she heard a car speeding off outside, but she didn’t take much notice. If she had she would have seen a man being thrown onto the side walk just outside of the district entryway.   
The man walked up the steps, or at least he walked as best he could having just been thrown out of a moving car. He didn’t speak to anybody, not even the ones who were staring at him. He made his way up the stairs, on his way to intelligence, to his team.  
Voight looked up from the white board after debriefing his team on the plan, he almost dropped the marker when he saw one very bloody and broken Jay Halstead staring back at him.  
“Where the hell did you come from?”


	10. Chapter 10

Jay was in bliss, heavily medicated and laying in a hospital bed. He's had all kinds of visitors since Antonio had dropped him off the night before. There had been questions, but nobody had asked him yet. He was glad to no longer be feeling any pain but he couldn't help but worry about the pain Erin could still be having inflicted onto her. 

Antonio was sitting beside the hospital bed when he opened his eyes.   
"Hey" Jay said cheerily, still heavily medicated. 

Antonio chuckled, patting his friend on the leg. "How're you feeling now? You look a hell of a lot better." 

"I don't feel a thing." He smiled goofily. 

"Voight is still on the look out for Erin." He told him, wanting to keep him updated. 

"I wish she was here." Jay pouted. 

"Yeah don't we all." Antonio sighed, looking down at his boots. 

"She was saving me." Halstead whispered, looking up at Antonio with wide eyes. His face was still pretty purple from all the bruises. He still looked a mess. 

"We'll find her." Antonio promised, I want you to think of anything that you saw or heard, anything that'll help us get to her." 

Jay closed his eyes, he didn't want to relive the trauma, he didn't want to remember the last time he'd seen Erin, that frightened look on her face still haunted him. He didn't know why they'd decided to let him go, he didn't even know if Erin knew he was still alive. But he wanted to do whatever it took to get her back, to tell her all the things he's never had a chance to say, to hold her in his arms, (well arm for now) 

He's told Antonio everything he knew, he described his captors and Antonio had confirmation that they were the same guys they were looking into at the station. 

The pair of men were talking, a soft knock against the door of Jay's room interrupted faintly. Jay looked over towards his newest visitor. He smiled sadly as Kelly's eyes met his own. 

"I heard you were in here, I just wanted to see if you were okay." Severide explained, he wasn't his usual friendly self, he looked lost and confused, but what was new with that? They all looked a bit like that lately. 

"Yeah, come in." Jay motioned towards the spare seat beside Antonio. 

Kelly walked over and sat himself down awkwardly. He'd always felt a sort of envy when it came to Jay Halstead, he was the man who was responsible for making sure Erin was safe every day of the week, he was this brilliant cop, and he knew Erin had a hue admiration for the guy. 

"Hey man, look." Jay started, not sure of what he was actually trying to say right then. He played with one of his bandages before realising his silence had gone on for too long. "I'm sorry that I'm the one in the hospital right now, but we're going to find her." 

Kelly nodded, he believed him. 

Erin was sitting in the dark, her heart was beating faster than usual. All she could think about was how she’d let her partner down. Jay was gone and he wasn’t coming back. She needed to find a way to get out of there, to survive for the both of them. She searched her brain, trying to remember their last conversations. She played them over and over in her mind wishing she’d told him how she really felt.   
Maybe if he were there beside her, she’d tell him the way his eyes sparkled when he smiled. She’d tell him how her heart skipped a beat every time he complimented her. She knew it sounded sappy and if he were hearing it right now he’d make fun of her until she started to regret it.  
She closed her eyes, and said aloud. “Jay, I think I loved you.”   
Voight hadn’t had a chance to talk to Jay properly since he’d arrived, he was shocked the kid even made it out alive, and the chances were he’d been released for a reason. He just couldn’t figure out what that reason could be.   
He knocked on the door of Jay’s hospital room later that evening. Antonio and Severide were long gone and Jay was watching something on the television in the corner of the room,  
“Anything interesting?” He asked, closing the door behind him.  
Jay muted the show, sitting up slightly. “Not really.”   
Voight smiled, “How’s the arm?”   
Jay looked down at his arm, “Yeah, not too bad. Hurts like a bitch though.”  
“I’ll bet.” 

“Look Voight, if I could switch places with Erin right now I would.”   
Voight shook his head, “I know you would. She’s a tough girl. We’re going to find her, all you have to do is concentrate on getting better.”  
Jay sighed, if only it were that easy. “When they dropped me off at the station, I wasn’t blindfolded, I could probably remember where the house is.”  
Voight handed him over a notebook, pulling a pen from his pocket. “Write down what you remember, I’ll give it a shot.”   
Jay nodded, his hands shaking as he tried to write. Voight watched, pitying the poor guy, he took the note pad from him. “How about you just tell me.”   
Jay nodded, rattling off street names and directions.   
“Voight, if she’s still there...”  
“I know.” He nodded, patting Jay on the shoulder. He mightn’t approve of the relationship between the two partners, but that didn’t mean he was going to ignore the fact that the two of them had been to hell together, and it was obvious that Halstead would do anything to have Erin’s back.


	11. Chapter 11

Erin had been in many tough situations in her life, some involved her physical pain and some involved her emotional stress. This involved both those things. She was bleeding, this time self inflicted from smashing her fists against the walls in anger, desperate for her escape. She needed to be out there, to find her family before she went insane. She was cold and lonely and wished they'd taken her instead of Jay. She had gone through the stages, anger, crying, the works. She was grieving during the worst of times but to her it was almost as if it were more important than her own survival. 

She wondered if Voight had yet found his body, she hoped they would give him a proper service, after all he died on the job because of her. 

Those were the words throbbing through her head, reminding her of her guilt, laying it out on display in her mind. Guilty, that's what she was. A big black hole of guilt. 

The sounds she heard were those of her own sobs bellowing from deep within her, they were louder than the sounds of footsteps and voices she could hear from above her in the house. It had been days since she'd been transported to this house and a part of her wanted them to move her again, away from the blood shed that had happened in this very room. She had thrown up more times than she cared to remember, but nothing was coming up, she was gagging on the musky warm air. 

Voight was approaching that very same house armed and ready, by Jay's information Erin would be still locked in the basement, he stepped back as Antonio knocked down the residential door, and cops swarmed in. "CPD!" Voight called out, following the sounds of scurrying bodies. They were trying to escape. With their luck, they'd worry more about themselves than about their hostage. Antonio pinned a man against the wall, cuffing him without thinking twice about wrist circulation. It was only a few minutes before there were a pile of the scumbags all cuffed and in a row, Ruzek had gone for a run, tackling one of the perps to the ground in a spectacular fashion, he shoved the man viciously into the back of a cop car, whacking his head against the roof as he went in. 

Voight's face was distraught as he finally ran down the basement stairs, the room while it was filled with blood in one corner, and not much else in the rest. It was empty. Erin was nowhere to be seen. He kicked the air furiously, before searching the place top to bottom looking for clues but there was none. She was just gone. 

If he had only realised the door that had been concealed behind the fridge. Maybe he would have followed its trail. 

The men who hadn't lawyered up were sitting one by one in the station lock up, Platt was keeping her eagle eye on the lot of them. She wasn't going to miss a beat, not after they'd thrown Halstead out of a moving car right in front of her vision and she'd missed it. Not ever again was she going to let crooks get past her. 

She was glad to be of assistance to Voight who she knew was good police, she knew he was going to make sure they all got what they deserved. She had been the one who phoned Halstead to let him in on what had happened. 

Halstead was upset, he wanted to leave the hospital and find her, naturally. But that wasn't an option. Not in his condition. There was no way the hospital staff, or the CPD were going to sign for his release. He was still severely dehydrated and had too many pain killers pumping his veins to be able to just up and leave when he wanted. Platt made sure to tell him this, even though he was hell bent on fighting her on the matter. This was Erin, he reminded her. Erin was worth breaking a few rules over wasn't she? 

Antonio had to physically go over there to make sure he wouldn't rip out his IV and plan an escape. A hard task, but nothing he couldn't handle. It wasn't like he hadn't dealt with keeping Jay at bay in the past. 

Voight couldn't understand how this could be happening. Erin was like his own child, and they'd taken her away from him. He didn't know how, but they'd somehow managed to take her between Jay being in hospital and him turning up on their doorstep. She could be anywhere, and he was holding his breath hoping she wouldn't be another body floating up the river of this glorious city. He didn't know what he would do with himself if she turned out like that. The guy feeling he had when he saw the body of who he thought had been halstead made him sick, but the idea of erin being found that way made him mad. 

Jay hadn't forgotten what Erin had told him, he had been replaying it on his mind over and over since he'd been in hospital. He's been replaying a lot his head was a mess. He felt as though a part of himself was left in that basement and even now knowing Erin was no longer there, he felt like she was the one who took that part of him. He hated that he had to stay in the restraints of the hospital bed, chords streaming out of every possible angle, and machines monitoring his every breath. He was trapped and it made him feel like a caged animal. He desperately wanted to break free, but there was no where he could go. No where on the planet would bring him back that piece of himself that he'd lost. Not even Erin could bring that back. He was no longer a whole man and it broke him in ways he could never fully explain to another being. He was lost, without a way of finding his way back. 

Erin had tried her best, she'd moved that fridge past the doorway, despite the noises that came from her chest and squealed across the hard concrete floors she pushed and she pushed until that door was exposed enough to open. She had been preparing herself for the possibility of having to force open the locks but it turned out she didn't have to. She felt a pain in her chest, if they had found this sooner maybe Jay would still be alive, and they'd have escaped together. Before she knew it she was running as fast she could out past the buildings and onto the streets, the sounds of Police sirens filled her ears and egged her on, she was speeding down between houses, rushing past streets like there was an army chasing her. There was no one, but that didn't stop her from chopping through the air. She ran until her legs couldn't move any faster, and her body was aching head to toe. She stumbled into an alleyway, and hid herself as best she could beside a dumpster. She caught her breath within due time. She was feeling more like hell than the exhilaration most escapees felt upon their release. She closed her eyes and let the world pass her by. All she had the energy to do was sit there and breathe. So she did.


	12. Chapter 12

Erin closed her eyes as she sat on the cold concrete. Her back met against the hard brick wall, her elbow clashed with the dumpster. She was alone, or at least she thought as much. She hadn't moved all night, the wind was blocked by the dumpster so she hadn't felt the cool evening winds. She ran a finger across her lower lip, it was healing but she didn't want it to. How was she going to face everyone? While she was healing, Jay wasn't and she hated that she was walking away with a busted lip and a few bruises, while he was probably dumped in the river after having been tortured for something she got him into. It wasn't at all fair. She couldn't even cry, her body was so dehydrated her tears had no form left, just dry stinging in the corners of her tear ducts. A painful trail of where her tears were meant to be. She hadn't been much of a crier in her life, but given recent events she thought she had a valid excuse to let herself break even in the smallest degree. Her mind no longer felt weakened when she needed to cry, it was her new sense of relief even though now it was failing her, her body had now had enough. She felt drained even more than usual, this wasn't the usual stressful case, she felt like someone had literally stolen the life from inside of her and left her limp, helpless body on the curb of the alleyway she had crawled into after her escape. For hours she was frightened that she'd been followed, every footstep, every noise she jumped in fear. It was usually a rat, or a teenage dirtbag dealing for some extra cash. The cop inside of her wanted to help them, to show them there were other ways of making a buck but the Erin that sat against that dumpster was too tired to move a single muscle. 

She knew that it was cowardly to hide in an alleyway. Especially since she could just as easily walk into the station or firehouse 51 and be greeted with a warm loving family, and safe shelter. She didn't feel like she deserved any of that, and yes it was illogical to be like that and she knew she needed to get over it sooner or later, she wasn't in a hurry to leave her pit of self pity. She was wallowing in her own regret and it was eating her inside out. Erin decided she would give herself a day, maybe less. Just to get her thoughts in order and work up the courage to get her butt into gear. 

Severide had sat beside Jay's bed every day since he'd been admitted as a patient. It had been three days, and sure enough every time Jay seemed to open his eyes, there the fireman sat. He had to bite back the questions, sarcastic ones mostly, wondering if he ever actually went to work or if firefighting was just an act to get Erin into bed considering he hadn't seemed to leave the hospital in the past few days. He knew that was just tongue in cheek, which was probably the reason why he hadn't said any of it aloud. He smirked to himself every so often as he stopped himself from being a total ass. 

There had been very few words exchanged between the two men, Kelly obviously didn't want to ask too many questions, and Jay didn't want to answer them either. Jay knew that if Severide were to ask him what it was truly like being with Erin in those conditions, he wouldn't want to know the truth any more than Jay wanted to tell it. He knew that if Kelly were to ask what the two of them had been through he would probably end up slipping, telling him that he wouldn't have survived if it had been anyone other than Erin by his side. He liked the guy, despite the obvious tension he felt knowing that Kelly was the one who Erin went to bed with every night, who she started the day with. He knew it would be stupid of him to show hostility towards a guy who was doing nothing but what he wished he was doing himself. Kelly wasn't in fault, he didn't know the way Jay felt about his partner. There was no bro code between cops and firemen, no unwritten agreement that said thou shalt not sleep with thy brothers partners in case thou shares feelings for them. Kelly was doing what any other man would if he were lucky enough to be close to a girl like Erin Lindsay and hell, as far as Jay knew he could be in love with her. He didn't know the facts, all he knew was the gut feeling he had inside that told him that Kelly Severide was one lucky man, and that he had missed his chances over and over. That wasn't anyone's fault but his own. He didn't know if it was the fear he secretly had for Voight, or the fear he had hollowed deep inside of him scared that she didn't feel the same way. He just knew that until a few days ago, someday had always been an option, it wasn't until life flashed before his eyes did he realise that someday didn't seem so far away. In fact someday mightn't ever come at all. 

"How's the arm?" Kelly broke the silence like a sledge hammer smashing against a block of unsuspecting concrete. Jay looked up from resting his eyes, he was still tired, but not as tired as he had been. 

"Yeah, it's not too bad." He hummed, trying not to move too much. Despite the intense dose of morphine, it was still feeling a little tender. 

"I broke my arm once, only in one place though. Probably wouldn't hurt as much as that." Severide rambled, it was a strange comfort for Jay when he realised that Kelly wasn't as comfortable around this situation as he could have been. It seemed both of them were still unsure how to act around the other and he liked that. He felt like less of a jerk and more relaxed by the situation. 

"Oh yeah?" Jay asked, looking over at Kelly. "You got any scars?" He asked curiously and Kelly's face lit up. He pulled back the sleeves of his jumper, a white line across his lower arm were pointed out. 

"Yeah so this was when I was about fourteen, my dad took me down to the hospital and there wasn't much choice in what kind of cast I got. Get this, I was a fourteen year old freshman rocking up to the first day of school with this bright pink cast on." 

Jay burst out laughing, "Sorry man, that's just rough." 

Kelly shook his head, "That was a rough year." 

Jay rest a supporting hand against his ribs that were aching from his laughter. Kelly apologised, not meaning to cause him more pain. 

The two men spoke for at least an hour, trying not to laugh and cause Jay any further discomfort. They were doing this as more of a distraction from all the serious things that had been happening lately. It was nice to have a proper unrelated conversation for once, for the both of them. 

A simple conversation wouldn't have been enough comfort for Hank Voight, he was given the instruction to move onto other investigations but he had told them in so many words, to go screw themselves if they think he would ever prioritise a case over finding Erin. He was already on a fine line, he knew this but he couldn't possibly turn his back on that girl. The very idea made him sick to his stomach. All the times she'd been there to reign him in after he'd stepped out of line, the times she's had his back even when she knew he wasn't being completely honourable. That girl was his rock on this team and he wasn't above admitting it. He was putting his own blood, sweat and tears into finding her even if it meant he never worked a case again. 

He tried to think back to all the past conversations they've had. He doubted the scoundrels knew they were coming, they wouldn't have had time to blink, so how would they have had time to send her to another location? She had definitely done a runner and he wasn't going to let her get away with it. He tried thumbing through her files, maybe she'd gotten in contact with her old friends, or new ones. He didn't know. That's what was killing him, curiosity may have killed the cat but uncertainty was killing him. 

Erin eased her back up against the dumpster, trying to push herself into an upright position. She knew that it was going to hurt, she had prepared herself for that, she stumbled for a moment pausing herself still. The pain she felt against her back was nothing compared to the pain she saw in Halstead's eyes just days before. She grimaced as she broke free from the bin. Her hair was a mess, and her face was raw and reddened from crying. She looked like a typical junkie as she emerged from the shadows. She stumbled, walking the best she could manage as she walked down the alleyway towards the afternoon street lights that flooded the main lanes. She held her hand to her face for protection, fumbling her way down the sidewalk. 

A man was working the late afternoon shift in a convenience store, his head covered by a dirty magazine as he manned the counter. Erin coughed, standing opposite him. He looked up, startled and dropped his magazine to the ground. "Can I help you?" He asked, trying to compose himself. 

Erin coughed, unable to speak to her full capabilities. "Can I use your phone?" She asked with a throaty gasp. 

He frowned, looking her up and down clearly assuming the worst of her. He hesitated without covering it up. She knew that look, she had seen it many times before. When people judged you based on your appearance. She'd seen people give her that same look when she was a teenager, he assumed because she didn't look a million bucks, that she was a street kid, probably trying to score some dope. "I'm from the CPD, can you please just let me make one phone call." She demanded, not having the energy or patience to fight with him over this. 

"Do you have some ID?" He asked, clearly not wanting to believe her given her outer appearance. 

Erin furrowed her brow, all she wanted was one measly phone call. Was that seriously too much to ask? 

She was tempted to just leave, why bother going through this whole deal when she could just get up and leave? But when the police arrived, there she sat, her arms crossed against her chest as she sat in the corner, on a fold up chair. Burgess' eyes turned to liquid as she recognised the dirty girl sitting there, she immediately took off her jacket and draped it over Erin's shoulders. 

"You know her?" The store worker asked Burgess, who turned to him and snapped, "She's one of Chicago's best detectives." 

Erin was too tired to add anything to that comment, she was too tired to answer any of Kim's questions as she was taken into the back of a police car. She rested her head against the head rests and closed her heavy eyes. 

It wasn't until she was taken into the hospital did she finally start to wake herself up. It was hard not to be aware when all the attention was on you. She was wheeled down the main hallway, trying to hide her face away from any other patients. This attention wasn't something she craved. She felt like a monkey in a cage. 

She rolled her head back, watching the rooms as she rolled by. She saw patients laying on their beds watching television, families laughing and filling rooms with teddy bears and balloons. She wondered if anyone would come and visit her, after what she'd done to Halstead. She shuddered at the memories, and it was as though she was dreaming as she rolled past a room. It was as though she was staring right at him through the doorway. It was only a second but it was enough to send a shattering sensation throughout her body. The guilt was back in motion.


	13. Chapter 13

Voight sat in the dark room, his arms folded across his chest as he watched the girl sleeping across from him. Erin still hadn't spoken to anyone, still traumatised he supposed and he didn't blame her at all. He'd sat by her bed all night, she'd sleep in shifts of an hour before waking up screaming. He'd always rush to her side, but she'd roll over and close herself off. It broke his heart to see her like this, it was probably the first time she'd actually slept in the week she'd been missing. He knew a dose of morphine might do the trick but every time a nurse tried to hook her up to a drip she'd kick her legs and make a scene. It was so unlike her, Voight already had plans for the guys that did this to her. He had been in contact with Olinsky, and he felt the same way. He reached over and held onto Erin's hand gently, careful not to wake her or frighten the poor girl. He sighed, this was beyond wrong. He vowed to never let her leave his sight but he knew that wasn't realistic in the slightest. She wasn't going to like that idea one bit. 

Jay couldn't sleep, he knew what he had seen. He tried to pass it off as a hallucination but he knew it wasn't. Erin was somewhere between the walls of the hospital and he was too wired up to move. All he wanted was to go and find her, to make sure she was alright. He didn't know what had happened to her or how she had arrived but he needed to make sure she was alright. Nurses came and went, none of them had the answers he was looking for. He didn't know how a cop could be admitted, and nobody knew a thing about it. It didn't make any sense to him at all. If he had his phone, he would have called Severide but his phone had been destroyed when he was kidnapped, all Jay could do was lay in his bed and pray that morning came sooner. Antonio would surely come and tell him everything and if he didn't, he would come up with someway of getting himself into trouble, and Antonio would have no choice but to come down and talk to him. 

He must have dozed off, because the next thing he knew the sun was peaking through the blinds of his room, the sounds of breakfast trolleys as they clicked against the floors filled his ears. He rubbed his eyes with his good hand, head pounding from his pain killers wearing off. He looked over towards the door to his room and frowned, no visitors. The seat beside his bed was just as empty as his doorway. Reaching over his head, he pushed the nurse button. Minutes passed before a uniformed lady wandered into his room with a new filling for his drip. 

"Erin Lindsay, is she on this floor?" He asked her politely. She gave him a look, unsure of who he was talking about or what she could say. 

"She a friend of yours?" She asked coolly, adjusting the drip bag. Jay winced. Usually he didn't watch as they dosed him but this time he couldn't keep his eyes away. He had come to the quick conclusion that watching them stick needles into your body was more painful then having them done blindly. "She's my partner from intelligence." He explained, finally looking away. 

Her face changed as she realised who he was. This was her first shift attending to Jay, she'd heard about him and Erin on the news but hadn't pieced it all together until now. "There is no Erin Lindsay on my roster today but I'll see what I can find out for you." She promised just as she turned to leave his room. 

"Do you think maybe you could bring me a Mars bar too?" He asked with a pleading stare. She chuckled, and promised to bring one if she remembered. 

It was the first day since he'd been admitted that he actually felt hunger as he powered through his hospital breakfast. He didn't even take notice of what he was shovelling into his mouth, but he ate until there was no food left in front of him. Laughter sounded as he licked his fingers clean. He looked over to the door frame, Antonio stood pressed against a side of the door with a big smile on his face. 

"About time you showed up, I've been waiting for your ass to get down here." He told him, licking his final finger. 

"I've been busy." Antonio defended, holding his hands up as he walked over towards the bed. 

"Working a case?" Jay asked, eyeballing the foam coffee cup that Antonio grasped between his palm and fingers. 

"Been talking to my wife." He corrected, his eyes clouded over. Jay felt bad, he knew Antonio was going through a lot with his family and with the case? He knew it was stressful for him. 

"How is she?" He asked cautiously. 

Antonio sighed, "She's great, loves the new place. Probably won't come back here." 

"Probably or definitely?" Jay asked, reaching over to squeeze Antonio's bicep. 

"Nothing is definite with that woman." He chuckled, having a moment to collect his thoughts before dramatically changing the subject. "So, did you hear about Erin?" He asked, knowing it would strike an interest in his friend. 

"I saw her, they were wheeling her in." He went quiet, still worried about her. 

"She's not talking to anyone." Antonio told him, sort of hoping Jay would want to see her, he hoped maybe she would talk if Jay were the one listening. 

"It was rough in there man, just give her time." Jay whispered. Antonio looked at him with glossy eyes. He could feel the cold in the air as Jay suddenly became quiet. He felt bad for the poor guy. 

"I'll keep you posted anyway." He said awkwardly. 

Jay nodded, "Thanks." He squeaked no louder than a whisper. 

Voight's face was the first thing Erin saw when she woke up, officially. She closed her heavy eye lids almost straight away not wanting to deal with him or anybody. She still refused the medication they've been wanting to pump through her veins. She was stubborn, always had been even now as she lay curled up in a foetal position, wrapping her arms around her weakened knees. Her head was aching, but she had become accustomed to the familiar feeling. Voight didn't push her but she knew he wanted answers. She just wasn't ready to give them. 

Voight politely left the room when the nurses came to shower her, he sat outside her room awkwardly waiting for something to happen. He didn't know what, maybe he expected her to scream or something else to go down elsewhere. He wondered silently whether it was worth walking down the hall to visit Halstead while he waited. 

Erin appeared in the doorway, waiting for Voight to catch her staring. When he finally turned, he gave her a sympathetic look. She closed her eyes as tears began to fall down her bruised face. She fell into his embrace, shaking as she sobbed into his chest. He patted her back softly, whispering that he had her and she was going to be alright. He didn't know if she believed him, but he meant it anyway. 

Jay forked through his lunch tray, his arm was still in a sling meaning he was feeding himself one handed, and it just so happened that the hand he used prominently was now useless to him. He was struggling to use his other hand. It came to a point where he gave up and fought the urge to fling his plate against the wall in frustration. He settled for a good old kicking of his legs against the bed. He hated that simple tasks like eating seemed to now be a chore, all because some idiots decided it would gain them brownie points to kidnap a few cops. Eventually he just clued straight out of the bed, still wearing a hospital gown he unhooked his drip, pushing the wheels so that he could walk with it all still attached to him. He pushed himself slowly, his body was still fairly weak. He struggled with the door knob, but persisted until he got it. He wandered up and down the badly painted hospital hallway, stumbling over his bare feet. It was a wonder nobody stopped him, not a single nurse asked him where he was headed. He walked down the hallway, following the bend in the corners. Searching, wanting to go, to be of use. He didn't even know where he was headed or what it would entail once he arrived. He was looking for Erin, that was obvious. He just didn't know where to find her. 

"Jay?" A voice called out from somewhere behind him. It took a moment, but eventually he turned himself around far enough to fixate on the person calling his name. It was the nurse from before, the one who promised him information on Erin. 

He looked at her as if waiting for good news, but she didn't speak. She stood there with pity spread across her face. She watched as the corners of his mouth twitched, he didn't want to speak. Not until she said something he wanted to hear. "Erin Lindsay isn't in this hallway." She said softly, reaching over to guide him the other way. They didn't speak between then and when they stopped outside a closed door. Jay thanked her softly, and she left him to have some privacy. He took in a deep breath and listened to her footsteps growing quieter every time she took a step. He reached out and turned the knob, before realising she could be getting changed, he knocked the knuckles from his good hand against the wood and waited for an okay. 

There was nothing, he knocked again even though she could have just been sleeping. He needed to see her so badly that it haunted him when he closed his eyes, it ached inside his bones not being around her. He couldn't wait any longer, he opened the door slow enough to give her time to cover herself over if she needed to. He stood there in the doorway, and stared at her. Her eyes looked spooked like she was seeing a ghost, he took a step inside, realising she wasn't alone. Voight stood to his feet and for a second Jay wondered if his boss was going to ask him to leave, but he didn't. Voight reached over and squeezed his shoulder, telling him he'd wait outside in the hall. Jay couldn't believe what he was hearing. This was the first time Voight had ever encouraged the pair of them to be alone in the same room. 

The silence was deafening, he walked over towards her bed, leaning down to greet her she wept, not believing what was happening right in front of her. Erin's shaky arms wrapped themselves around him despite the awkward placing of the drip and his sling, she somehow managed to hold onto him. 

He sat down atop of her hospital bed, she still hasn't said a word. He didn't know that she hadn't said one to anyone. "I'm so sorry." He told her, "They should have released you first." He added when Erin gave him a confused look. As he spoke, she shook her head uncontrollably, disagreeing with what he was saying. "Kelly's been visiting me every day. He really misses you." He whispered, holding onto her hand. Erin's eyes softened at the mention of Kelly's name. She bit her lip even though it was still puffy from being hit. "I'm so glad that you're okay." He told her, still looking into her eyes. Her lips started turning upward, even though she was fighting against them. She was so gorgeous to him, even with a face full of swelling and bruises she looked beautiful and always did to him. He smiled sweetly, not knowing what else to say, she was safe right in front of him but still he couldn't help but feel worry seeping over him.


	14. Chapter 14

Erin hadn't kicked up a fuss as the nursing staff were finally able to attach her to medication tubes. She lay there atop of her hospital bed, watching Jay who was sitting beside it on a visitors chair. She couldn't bring herself to watch the needle prick into her veins, Jay had warned her against it and although she had never been particularly queasy when it came to needles, she took his advice, if only to please him. He smiled towards her reassuringly, but she wasn't quite there yet, still not feeling very smiley. 

Jay had been by her side all morning; he'd promised Voight that he'd look after her. Erin had given him dirty looks for at least an hour, how dare he act as though she needed him for protection, maybe she felt like she needed him but that didn't mean he had to feel like she did. She didn't know the details, and she was glad that she didn't. She just knew Voight was up to something, he had that look in his eye when he left that morning. The look that sent shivers down Halstead's spine. Although this time he didn't look too concerned for the safety of their captors. 

She hadn't spoken a word to anybody yet, just laid there, moody as ever. Jay did most of the talking, in fact he hardly shut up the entire time he'd been in her room. She didn't even know what he was talking about half the time, as she zoned in and out of listening to his babbles. He would recount football scores and talk about jokes Severide had told him. Kelly hadn't yet turned up to visit but she knew that he was probably just on shift at the firehouse. She didn't even know how she felt about seeing him anyway. 

Voight was in his office, going through files trying to find things to book those low-lives for. He wanted all of them to go down for what they did to Erin, and to Halstead. He was beyond pissed, fists balling up against his desk as he seemed to be headed nowhere. The phone had been ringing on and off all morning but he wasn't interested in taking any calls. He'd sent his team home there was no use them being there and the CPD forcing them all to take another case. 

Every day Voight knew his actions could jeopardise his position in the CPD, but every day he did what he did to protect his city, and protect his own. He broke the rules, or bent them only to bring justice and for the law to do its job. He wanted to protect his team, to make sure his detectives were looked after so that they could do their jobs, and protect the city as best they could but letting them take a case their hearts weren't into, it just wasn't what he was willing to put them through. 

Trudy Platt wondered up the stairs, she didn’t often venture up there, not liking to get in the way, but she’d received a phone call and Voight wasn’t answering his phone. She walked across the room and knocked politely on the door of Hank’s office. He stood up, calling out for her to come in. 

Awkwardly she spoke, “I don’t mean to intrude, but the hospital called. They want to talk to you about Erin.” Voight’s face softened upon the mention of her name. He nodded his head, not saying a word. At least not straight away, Trudy turned away dismissing herself. He watched as she walked slowly away, but still he couldn’t move. He listened to Platt’s shoes as they plodded down the staircase. He grabbed his jacket from the back of the chair, running his hand over his sweaty forehead. 

Erin’s doctor greeted Voight when he arrived, they sat down on opposing sides of his desk, the hum of the ceiling fan was prominent in the background. Voight folded his hands neatly against his chest, “What do you have to tell me?” He asked, tucking his legs underneath the furniture piece. 

Dr Adams pulled out a file from underneath a tissue box. Erin Lindsay was drawn upon the front in bold letters. Voight eyed the file from his spot on the other side, but it was all written in medical lingo, something he wasn’t exactly fluent in. 

“Erin is physically healing, everything seems to be on track. Her vitals are stable, her bruises are healing and everything is going the way we expected it to.” Voight nodded, glad by that news, but he wouldn’t be Voight if he wasn’t prepared for the “but” coming on.

“I’m glad, now what’s the bad news?” He asked, moving one of his hands as he spoke. Dr Adam’s eyes looked down to his files and back up to meet Voight’s eye. 

“It’s something psychiatrists call Selective Mutism, Erin has all the physical capabilities to be able to talk, but mentally she’s holding back. It’s not too unusual for people who have been through traumatic experiences to find talking difficult. It’s not that she’s holding back on purpose, it’s all psychological. She’s been hurt, and it’s a coping mechanism.”

“So you’re saying she won’t speak?” Voight asked, his head all over the place with this new information.

Dr Adam’s nodded, “For someone like Erin, it’s most likely this won’t last forever. She just needs some time to heal psychologically.”

Voight shook his head and chuckled, Erin was mute? Usually he couldn’t shut the girl up. Always flinging her opinions at him when he wanted them the least, he thought about how different things were now since everything happened, he stood inside her doorway quietly watching as Halstead lay beside her on the bed, the pair of them asleep, curled up together on that single mattress, Erin’s hand gripped Jay’s arm, and Voight realised that maybe he wasn’t the person that she needed, maybe Jay was. He took a seat, making himself comfortable on the lounge chair, he draping his jacket over his body and let himself drift off to sleep.


	15. Chapter 15

The last time Erin’s body had been this battered, she was fourteen years old. The familiar sting she felt as she stretched her body out against the bed she was laying in. It wasn’t a comfort at all. She turned to face the man who lay perfectly still beside of her, his arm lay across his chest, she watched as it moved up and down slightly from the rhythm of his breaths. She bit down on her lip despite the burning sensation she felt upon doing so. Jay looked so peaceful when he slept she noted, in all the time she’s known him, this would be the first time she’s seen him so calm and still. It was nice.   
She staggered towards the bathroom, drip still attached to her arm. She pushed the drip trolley along with her, careful not to wake the two sleeping men in her room. Voight was snoring softly on the couch, a sound that reminded Erin of the times she came home late as a teen to find him asleep on the sofa waiting for her to make her curfew. 

Privacy hadn’t been in motion in a while. Being kidnapped granted her none, and now being in the hospital she’s been constantly monitored, or babysat by Voight. It was nice to finally be able to have a moment to herself, even if it was only a trip to the bathroom that conjoined her hospital room. She managed to close the door and stare at her own reflection, she gasped at the sight of herself, she looked like a different person, and she felt like one too. She felt dirty and vile, like even the clothes on her body were contaminated in some way. She started pulling and tugging, undressing herself in a panic. Her body matched her face, bruises covered the majority of her torso, her ribs were welted and her breasts were covered in burn marks. She fell to the floor, holding back a scream from the tugging against her drip. Tears erupted down her face, she started wiping them away with the ends of her hair but it wasn’t enough to stop the leakage, she gave up, letting them stream down her bruised cheeks. Why was she feeling like this? She wondered everything was over; they’re not going to hurt her anymore. So why did she feel so broken? Like her soul was cracking like the bones in Halstead’s arm. 

“Erin, I know that you’ve been through a traumatic experience and it’s perfectly normal to let yourself heal at your own pace. I don’t want you thinking that you have to do anything before you’re ready. If two men come into the ER with the same injury chances are they won’t heal in the same way. You’ve got a lot of recovery in your future, and it’s up to you how fast or how slow we get there. You’re the patient and that means you’re the priority as far as I am concerned.” Angela Griffin spoke to Erin as though she really meant every word, Erin hadn’t exactly loved the idea of having to see a psychiatrist, but Voight had encouraged her to do so. There she sat on a big brown puffy sofa, staring blankly at a woman who didn’t seem much older than herself. Angela wore her hair in a braid that fell all the way down her back, Erin had admired the length when she arrived, although she never said anything. It was nice though, having a woman shrink. She spent most of her life around men, and after the way men treated her lately, she was glad to have another woman on her side. 

“I know that it’s difficult for you to voice your thoughts, and I’m not going to push you to talk to me, with this job I hardly get time to socialise, so how about you listen to me talk for today and when you’re ready to talk you can tell me to shut up?” Angela joked, causing Erin to smile sadly. 

Jay had just finished showering, he was at a point where he no longer needed assistance while he was in there. He struggled to re-dress himself before deciding to just wander back to his bed in his boxers. He jumped, covering himself when he noticed Voight was waiting for him, “I’ve seen a man in boxers before.” Voight told him, but Jay still didn’t feel right about his boss seeing him almost in the nude. He reached over to his bed, pulling the sheet off and wrapping it around himself.   
Voight walked over to him, placing a hand on Jay’s shoulder gently. “What happened in those basements?” He asked, his eyes cold and unwelcoming. Jay looked up into Voight’s eyes, his body filled with the sensation of fear, but he wasn’t scared of him. 

“Which part?” He asked, rejecting Voight’s attempts at intimidation.   
“You and Erin seem cosy.” Voight said casually, letting go of Jay’s shoulder.   
Jay shrugged, climbing on his bed, he didn’t care who Voight was or what he was trying to find out. He wasn’t going to play into his games. “We were tortured together.” He snapped when he caught Voight staring at him.   
“I know, and I’m sorry you had to go through that.”   
Jay looked at him cautiously, still not certain where this conversation was heading. “Thanks.” He answered softly.   
Voight sat himself down just an inch away from touching Jay’s feet that were now resting on the end of his bed. He was tempted to move them, but what would be the point? Voight folded his arms across his chest, a habit Jay had noticed a lot recently. “If I find out that something happened between you two...”   
Jay shook his head bitterly, “You’ll what? Take away the one person Erin feels connected to? I’m the only person who understands what she went through. You don’t get it do you? I’m not the bad guy here, I never have been.” 

Voight stood up without saying a word; he walked himself over to the doorway, turned back and said, “If you don’t help her, you’re off my team.”   
Jay stared at the empty doorway long after Voight had disappeared, was that his way of granting him permission? He didn’t know, all he cared about was keeping Erin safe.   
Erin winced as she pulled the drip out of her hand, she shuddered not wanting to look at where the needle had been. She was sick of being in the hospital, the place which was supposed to make you feel better. Instead all she felt was worse. She wanted to rewind, back to before this all happened. When she could do her job and the good guys always won. She was supposed to be on the good side, so why was she feeling so bad? Her eyes were burning from the excessive amounts of tears she’d shed in the past few days, her whole body was a reminder of everything. She wished they’d have just put a bullet in her brain. But then there was Jay, the man who slept beside her and comforted her when she had a bad dream, her partner, her friend, her rock. She had tried to block out the scene she had made when he first walked into her room. She had screamed, assuming he wasn’t real before the shakes started and the sobbing. She had been a mess, and even after all of that, he still came back to see her every day. He would hold her and talk to her even though she wasn’t talking back. She felt safer with him than with anybody else. Voight was there for her too, but he would never be able to empathise with her or know what she was feeling, she loved Voight like a father, but he just didn’t get it. 

When Jay walked into her room, she rushed straight to him, wrapped her skinny arms around his waist and rest her head against his chest, he could only manoeuvre one arm around her, but she didn’t give a damn what he did, she just needed to feel him, to have him close to her. She broke away from his chest and looked up at him. He looked worried, she could see it in his beautiful eyes as they met hers. She smiled gently, burying her face into his shirt once more. Jay chuckled, but she knew he wasn’t laughing at her. She pressed her lips against his shirt, kissing the fabric gently. He moved their embrace back over to her bed, laid himself down and pulled her into him. She rested her head under his arm pit, one hand draped across his chest, meeting his other hand, the one in the sling, she pressed their fingertips together and closed her eyes. Jay didn’t say a word, he didn’t have to. This was all she needed right now, all she wanted and he didn’t mind one bit. 

Antonio had called shotgun, he wasn’t in the mood for driving anyway. Olinsky took the wheel. It was still early, and a coffee stop was inevitable. The two men were going to stop at nothing, they were going to take down the gang that took down their detectives. For Erin, for Jay. They were going to take them all down. Parked outside an old warehouse, the two men passed binoculars between them. This was far from over.


	16. Chapter 16

The memory appeared like a series of flashbacks, the sounds of bullets as they hit the wall behind them, the yelling was loud, but that was nothing new. They'd been to raids before, it was in the job description. They were just lucky nobody was hurt this time. Alvin remembers the struggle, it was like a tackle gone wrong. A gun lay a metre away from the both of them as they pushed against each other in a battle to be the first to take hold of the weapon. They were slightly outnumbered, Ruzek had already handcuffed a couple of crims and although Alvin didn't need his assistance he was glad when his young partner slapped the cuffs on the man he had been embracing. There was more movement, they were outnumbered but not by many. He could smell the sweat in the air, the blood that flung from injured bodies as they scuffled around the room. It wasn’t a pretty sight, but it never was. This job was never fair, it was never a lot of things but he needed to do what he had to do, to protect the city the best he could, to help those who needed their faith in the justice system to be restored. It was his job, he couldn’t afford to let it affect him. He just couldn’t work like that, if he did. He would have been the one shot.

The scene was a blur, but that didn't mean it wasn't important. Antonio remembers their arrival, when he flashed their key to get in. The way the security guys looked him over, not wanting to let him pass through. He remembers arguing with them, how would he have this if he wasn't trustworthy? He asked them behind gritted teeth. When they finally allowed him inside, his crew in tow. The case had finally begun. They mingled, searching for the men they were looking for, the ring leaders of this whole operation. They needed something solid to take them all down. Unmarked cop cars lined the streets, waiting to pounce if something went down, Antonio knew that this was dangerous, but this was all for justice. He believed in the system and he believed that good would conquer bad. At least in this case. Jay had bugged him, wanting to come with but his arm was still in a cast, and Voight put his foot down. If he had been there, maybe things would have gone down differently. There was no use dwelling in the what if’s, but he still couldn’t help himself.

Some people might say that being a cop is one of the hardest jobs in this country, and to some degree Ruzek agreed. There is just something about constantly seeing people being hurt that sent shivers down his spine, even when they're the bad guys. They were still people who went down the wrong path. He remembers the blood mostly, the bodies they found were covered in it. The smell had him dry heaving it was that prominent in that basement. He remembers turning to Burgess and what she said to him on the stairs. "These guys sure have a thing for basements." She'd whispered, and he just stared at her. She pulled her radio to her mouth, calling through what they'd found. She grabbed Adam by the elbow, her ice cold fingers caressed his skin. "You alright?" She'd whispered and he nodded assuring her that he was. They may have seen a lot of death on this job but this time it was close to home, Erin and Jay were so close to being a pile of bodies and a blood stained floor. He wondered how everyone would have coped if it had actually happened. He also wondered why good people got hurt in the first place and why it hurt so much when it did. He remembers collapsing to the ground, his heart racing, feeling like he needed to puke. All those sirens, all those flashing lights, all that blood, it was too much this time, too close to home.

Voight’s memories were solid, he remembered every detail. The pain streaked face of Burgess as she was shot in the stomach, the sound of Ruzek’s screams as it happened. Voight had heard those screams before, that sound only escaped a person when they were scared of losing a loved one. He’d heard the same screams when Erin couldn’t sleep through the night, she’d been staying at his place and even now three weeks later, she was still having nightmares of losing Jay. He remembers Antonio tackling the shooter to the ground, his aggression was something Voight could only imagine was a trait he had learnt from spending too much time with himself. He remembers the sirens blaring as Burgess was rushed to the hospital, the worried looks Antonio had shared with his sister as she climbed into the back with Burgess. He remembers it clearly. But that’s not all he can remember, he can recall exactly what happened afterwards, when he and Alvin took care of things, with that much blood on his hands, any other man would have been worried. Not Voight, those low lives took part in torturing cops. Something the law didn’t take lightly. He took comfort in that fact. Which was why nobody reacted that next morning when he and Alvin delivered the criminal’s all beaten and bloodied. He didn’t feel one ounce of guilt when he finally ran his blood soaked shirt through the washing machine, it was only the beginning for them since he tarnished their records to include a dose of crimes against children. This wouldn’t be the last time they got a beating, not when they were heading to prison for a while. He’d been surprised when they’d given up the name of the murderer, the body they’d planted with Jay’s badge. He was glad to put a face to the crime and took very special care of the little punk who had thought taking a life in his city would go by without punishment.


	17. Chapter 17

Erin was annoyed, the pounding on Voight's front door was louder than she liked, she didn't want to get out of her bed it was cosy inside Voight's spare bedroom but that noise, it just kept going and going. She finally gave in and made her way towards the door, it took her a while to get through all the locks but that's what you got for living in Voight's apartment. Jay greeted her as she opened the wooden framed door. She smiled softly, still not back to her old self. It had been a month since she'd been home, or at least since she'd escaped the abduction. Jay was no longer wearing a sling, his arm was healing with just the cast that wrapped around most of his lower arm. He walked himself inside, wrapping his arm around her shoulder. She let him for a moment, before squeezing herself away to lock the doors. She was curious as to why he was there, and why he was so determined to come inside. He hadn't been so desperate for her attention since the night Kim had been shot. It'd been a week and half since that happened, and she was still scared that someone was going to come and shoot her next. Jay had been sleeping over, and Voight had been pretending not to notice, she'd sneak him in after Voight had gone to bed, and he'd be gone before breakfast. She knew that Voight knew, but she wasn't sure if Jay was clued into that fact just yet.

Once the door was safely secure, she moved back into Jay's embrace, it wasn't like they were together or anything, at least to her they weren't. She was too messed up in the head to even think about moving forward in their relationship, and she refused to be that girl, the one that starts a relationship with a man, just to fill her emotional void. And to feel something other than fear, if they were going to start a relationship she wanted it to be when they could both put the past behind them and live their lives together without the nightmares and getting the shakes every time she saw the stairs to Voight's basement. Jay walked her back to the warm bed without saying a word to her. He closed the door behind them, letting go so they could both climb in on their different sides. Erin fumbled around in the dark, climbing down underneath the covers, she searched the bed for Jay who she knew was laying beside her, she'd felt the bed dip down from his weight. Soon enough his body met hers, she cuddled into his side and closed her tired eyes.

When the sun rose, Erin was surprised that Jay was still scrawled out across her bed. She watched his chest rise and fall as he breathed in and out slowly. She smiled gently before climbing out from under all those blankets. She snuck out of the room quietly in need of a coffee to wake herself up. The doctors had told her to ease up on the caffeine but she was stubborn, nobody was going to tell her what she could and couldn't drink. Voight was sitting at his kitchen table, his face in the morning paper. It was an odd sight, and maybe if she felt like talking she would have mocked him for it, but she didn't. She slipped past him over toward the coffee machine. Voight watched her, placing his paper down against the wooden table. His mug screeched against the table top as he moved it in towards the middle. "Halstead still here?" He asked, and Erin turned around startled. He'd never mentioned Jay's visits before, but she'd always suspected that he'd known all along. He smirked at her reaction, holding his hands out as he spoke, "What? You think I'm new to being a detective? I know you don't keep the toilet seat up."

Her eyes widened, what was Jay playing at doing that? She felt her cheeks heat up, luckily for her she wasn't the type to turn bright red. "When are you going to admit that you're dating?" He asked, even though he expected no answer. She turned around, ignoring him and paying all her attention back onto her coffee.

"Burgess and Ruzek are dating too aren't they?" Voight voiced out loud, again not expecting her to answer. "When Kim was shot, you should have seen how white he went it was like someone had come over him and tried turning him into a mime." He continued talking, he knew Erin was desperately trying to ignore him but he also knew that tactic never worked.

"I wish all you youngsters would just stick to my rules, I'm going to be left with half a unit by the time all the transfers take place." Erin spun around when he said that, giving him a pleading look. That wasn't fair, he couldn't transfer Halstead because of her, not after everything they've been through together. Voight's eyes met hers, he watched as her eyes pleaded with him, begging for him not to transfer Jay. He opened up his newspaper and said nothing more. She frowned, Voight frustrated her sometimes. As soon as her coffee was made, she stormed out of the room and back to hers.

Jay had since woken up, he was sat up against the bed frame, Erin placed her coffee cup on top of the bedside table before sliding onto the bed beside him. Jay hung his head so he could look at her as well as stay in the same sitting position. She turned her head, facing him for a moment. She knew he wanted to talk to her, but she didn't know what he was going to say.

He breathed in, not knowing where to start. "Ruzek and I have been talking a lot, and he told me what it was like seeing Burgess get shot. I can't help but thinking about when you thought they'd shot me, and I have no idea how that must have felt, but I'm sorry that you had to go through that, but that's never going to happen again." He promised, reaching over to grab her hand, he linked their fingers together loosely, she squeezed his hand, tightening their grip. He leaned over, pressing his lips against her forehead. "You didn't have any nightmares last night." He whispered, his breath hitting her skin, she closed her eyes, feeling the closeness between the two of them. Neither of them moved, neither of them spoke, but for the first time in long time she felt safe.


	18. Chapter 18

Jay stared out the windscreen as he parked his car on the curb. The day was plain, but no rain clouds were peaking through the gaps in the tops of buildings. He turned to Erin who was sitting in his passenger side, which was something he never thought would happen. His hand lingered on the gear stick and Erin was staring down at her lap. He coughed to break the silence, "Do you want me to go in with you?" He asked, she shook her head gently. He nodded, this was something she had to do on her own. The clicking of her unbuckling her seat belt, and the sounds of her boots shifting against the floor of his car filled his ears, she opened the car door quickly, about to climb out onto the sidewalk. He stopped her, reaching over and gripping hold of her elbow. She turned the 180 degree angle back to face him. 

"I'll be right here in the car okay?" He reminded, knowing she was still feeling uneasy about this visit. Erin met his eyes before swiftly exiting the vehicle leaving Jay alone with his thoughts. He watched her until she was safely inside the building. He pressed his hands over his tire eyes rubbing them gently. He hadn't slept properly in weeks. 

Erin took a deep breath as she approached the room, she tried willing herself out of going inside but there was this sinking feeling inside her gut that made sure she wouldn't run. She tapped her hand against the wooden frame, walking in slowly. Her feet pressed firmly against the carpeted floors, she took in a long sharp breath, nearly knocking her off her own feet. She smiled, although it wasn't a happy smile. It was something to do with herself to stop her from screaming. There Kim lay, her body limp as she slept, Erin could feel a lump in her throat rising, she gasped and held her scream in with the aid of her hand. A tear dripped from her squinted eyes. This was her fault, wasn't it? If she hadn't have gone poking around in gang's business maybe Kim would be okay right now, and Jay he would be happy with some hot date in a bar every night instead of sleeping beside her and listening to her scream from the nightmares that haunted her every time she closed her eyes. Her feet moved before she knew what she was doing, she reached over the hospital bed and took Kim's hand in her own. This was the first time she'd been to visit, it was hard for her to go back to the hospital. She'd even opted for a privately run Psychologist so she didn't have to come back. 

“I’m sorry.” Erin mouthed, it’s not that she didn’t want to say the words out loud, but as hard as she tried to speak the words got stuck in her throat. By the time her mouth was opening to say the words, her voice had already been lost in translation. Tears dripped across her lips, she reached up to wipe them away, letting go of Kim’s hand.   
“Sorry.” Ruzek spoke from behind her, he had just come back from fetching himself a coffee, he hadn’t realised that Kim wasn’t alone. Erin jumped, a little startled by the sudden thought that she was no longer alone. She could hear Ruzek coming closer once she’d spun back around to look at Kim who still laid there ever so still.   
She jumped when his hand rested against her shoulder, he apologised once more. She smiled at him sweetly as if to say it was okay. He didn’t say anything for a moment, the silence was cold and shadowy and Erin felt like maybe she should just leave, this was harder than she had thought it would have been. She watched Kim’s eyes flicker, but she didn’t wake up.   
“Erin, I just want you to know that none of this is your fault.” Ruzek spoke, he sounded distant even though he was standing right behind her. Erin didn’t turn, she didn’t show him any indication that she was listening, but he continued anyway. “Our job is to put away the bad guys, we’re the good guys Erin. Anything that has happened has been their fault. We can make mistakes, hell you know I’ve made a few but we do what we do because we want to keep this city safe and if we didn’t go out on hunches, if we just sat at our desks and waited to be told what to do I don’t think we would deserve our badges. We do the best jobs that we can and sometimes bad things happen, but that doesn’t mean we made them happen.”   
A tear streaked down Erin’s face, but she couldn’t face him. She just stared at the face of her fallen friend. Kim Burgess didn’t deserve to be in this hospital. She wasn’t one of the bad guys, and she knew that Ruzek was right, she just didn’t want to accept that she wasn’t at least partially to blame. She knew it wasn’t her fault, but she still felt responsible in some twisted way. It was eating her up inside. She turned to Ruzek and he wrapped his arms around her. She let him for a moment, that was until she felt like she was suffocating, she pushed him away and broke free. Fleeing the hospital with tears streaming out of her eyes and blurring her vision the cold Chicago air hit her face like a cold shower. She stared up into the sky at her city, the people she vowed to protect were all out there living their lives while she felt like she was doing anything but with her own.   
Jay had dozed off, a tap on his window broke him out of his slumber, he reached over and unlocked his passenger seat. “Hey, are you alright?” He asked noticing Erin’s red eyes. She nodded, not wanting him to bring attention to it. He nodded and started the engine. He wasn’t going to press her, he knew that wasn’t the way.


	19. Chapter 19

Erin wept, as soon as she came home from her psychologist appointment. That’s what she did, while other people were out saving lives and being social, Erin Lindsay fell to her knees and she wept. It was like nothing she had ever felt before, it started in her gut, tightening it until she felt sick as tears streamed out of her eyes like a heavy rain pour. She lay face down against the floor, the carpet damp beneath her face as she sobbed into the flooring. Her whole body ached, she felt a mixture of regret and guilt mixed with fear and outright sadness. 

She wanted to be able to get past all this, she wanted to scream but her voice was trapped inside her too afraid to come out. Her fists balled up and started beating at the ground, she punched and punched until her hands started to swell up. Her face was aching from all the crying, she felt drained, dehydrated and stupid absolutely stupid. If she couldn’t even love herself how could anyone else love her? She had told Kelly it was over just days before, she couldn’t do it anymore. Things just couldn’t go on the way they were, the old Erin would have never ended a relationship via text message, but somehow the new Erin didn’t feel so bad about it. 

She didn’t undress as she stepped in under the shower flow, she stood there facing the shower’s door and cried amongst the flowing water, it felt like on a scale of 1 to 10, she would be a 0. It was like someone had decided to surgically remove every part of her that had ever felt even slightly happy or satisfied with life, she wasn’t suicidal but she didn’t exactly love her life either. Voight wasn’t going to be home for hours, he’d taken on a new case the day before, all the team were back in motion even Jay, although he was put on desk duty it was still back to work and he was over the moon about that, which is why she felt bad about him sleeping over, why should he be kept awake at night listening to her scream? She’d noticed the bags under his eyes, he wasn’t sleeping and she felt bad about that. All she wanted was for everything to be okay again but judging by the feeling in her chest, that wasn’t going to happen and that just made her feel worse.   
By the time Jay knocked on the front door, she’d already dried herself off and had changed into new clothes. He had not come empty handed, she was grateful for the food, despite her appetite being only small. He kissed her on the cheek, he did that now. Sometimes even with Voight in the room, it was strange, yet oddly comforting to know that Voight wasn’t going to throw him out the window for it. 

They sat down for dinner, the pair of them sitting opposite each other at Voight’s kitchen table, it was funny to Erin considering how Voight was 100% against the pair of them dating months ago and here they were eating dinner alone together in Voight’s own house. Not that they were dating, it was nothing official.   
“It’s good to be back at work, although it feels a bit off without having you sitting across from me.” Jay told her between mouthfuls of spring rolls. She smiled, she missed that too. “Ruzek tried to steal your chair but I told him off.” Jay laughed as he began retelling the story. Erin watched him as he spoke, the little crinkles by his eyes when he laughed, the way his lips curled upward when he stopped to smile at her between words, it melted her heart. She leaned over and pressed her lips against his, he immediately stopped talking then as their lips moved against each others, Erin sat herself atop of his lap, his good hand cupped the side of her face as they rocked back and forth, she was the first to break away, closed her eyes and rested her forehead against his. He left her for a moment, they sat there in beautiful silence, his hand still caressing the side of her cheek. Erin bit down on her lip, thinking about what she’d just done.   
“What was that for?” Jay whispered, their eyes still closed, foreheads still connected.   
“I wanted to shut you up.” She whispered back, Jay slowly opened his eyes. It had been so long since he’d heard her voice but he knew better than to mention that, he didn’t want her to feel uncomfortable. 

“It worked.” He answered softly, leaning in for another kiss. She pressed her finger against his lips and pulled herself away, he wasn’t getting it that easily. She thought to herself, climbing off of his lap she made her way back to her dinner, feeding herself again like it had never happened. Jay shook his head, now that was the Erin he remembered.   
The pair were entangled in Erin’s bed by the Time Voight arrived home, they had fallen asleep hours ago when Erin listened to the beats of Jay’s heart, and he told her about some of the baked goods people at work had brought in for his first day back, she hadn’t been paying attention to anything other than his closeness, but it was sure nice to hear the sound of his voice. Voight opened the bedroom door, he liked to check on the pair of them just to make sure that Halstead was keeping his hands to himself, he paused in the doorway glancing at their embrace, Erin was the one draped over Jay, she was the one controlling their touches. Voight was secretly glad. He didn’t like them together, but at least she was the one initiating it all. He closed the door behind him and trotted off to his own bedroom. Beside his bed sat a photograph, one of the last pictures taken of him and his late wife, he stared down at the picture and sighed, sometimes he wished he still had someone to talk to about all of this, someone to share it all with, but he didn’t and that’s just the way it was.


	20. Chapter 20

Voight was hanging his jacket over the back of his chair, getting ready for the substantial amounts of paperwork he had been avoiding for weeks. Having just busted a kid for trafficking drugs, he now had to add more to the list of things he needed to get done before he went home. He looked up after hearing a tapping on his office door, it was Halstead. Voight had no guesses as to what the kid wanted, but he signalled him to come inside anyway. Jay closed the door behind him just the way Voight liked it, he pushed a folder onto Voight’s desk in front of his boss. Voight didn’t open it; instead he just looked up at the young man who stood in front of him. “What’s this?” He asked, considering he hadn’t asked for any paperwork and they had no open cases he wanted to know what Halstead was playing at.  
“My transfer, I want to date Erin and since you won’t allow us to do so in the same unit. I’m transferring.” Jay explained a little nervously. Voight raised an eyebrow, wondering if he was hearing correctly. 

“You want to transfer?” He asked, and Jay nodded his head. “I thought you loved working in this unit.” Voight then pointed out.   
“I do, but I’m not going to work here and break your rules. I don’t have a death wish.”   
Voight nodded, his fingers played with the folder in front of him. He opened the document and skimmed its contents. “You don’t have to transfer.” He informed him, closing the folder and looking back up at him. Jay’s face had changed completely, he looked somewhat relieved and that didn’t surprise Voight in the slightest.  
“So I can stay and date Erin?” He asked, wanting the clarification.   
Voight nodded, handing the document back over to Halstead, “Erin isn’t coming back into this unit. She’s decided she can’t handle being back in the field.”   
Jay’s mouth dropped open. “What? She told you this?” He asked in confusion since she hadn’t said a word to him about it.   
Voight nodded, “She did.” 

Jay nodded and walked out of the room. Voight smiled to himself as he watched Jay grab his own jacket and rush down the stairs. His smile soon faded once he remembered the excruciating amount of workload he had ahead of him.   
Jay left footprints in the snow as he walked over to Voight’s front door. He knew Erin was home, her car was parked out front. She didn’t take long to make her way to the door after he’d made a musical out of the front door, he was about to start another lot of beats against the door when she opened it. “Can we talk?” He asked her before she had a chance to greet him. She nodded and made room for him to come inside. He slipped his snow covered shoes off his feet and left them at the door. She looked out at the cold city for a moment before locking it out.   
Erin had been going to therapy once a week, every time she started the session a new sensation of having to share how she was feeling caused her to spew up words. It was as though staying silent had somehow built up all of her words and now that the flood gate had been opened, she couldn’t shut up. Outside of those sessions she was still finding it hard to communicate and she took it day by day, but she had been slowly opening up to Jay about everything lately no matter how painful it was for her to expose herself like that, she knew she could trust him. She wasn’t back to her old self, but Jay was patient. He didn’t expect anything from her he’d seen PTSD first hand and he wasn’t going to push her to do anything before she was ready and she was grateful for that. On the other hand, they’d been talking a lot about other things and it was something she looked forward to every day. 

“What’d you want to talk about?” She asked taking a seat on one of Voight’s couches. Jay had opted to sitting backwards on one of the kitchen chairs, but there they sat, facing each other.   
“Voight said you’re not coming back to intelligence.” Jay said, Erin could hear in his voice that he didn’t believe it. He actually wanted Voight to have lied to him. She sighed, not wanting to meet his eyes.   
“Jay I’m sorry.”   
“It’s true?” He asked with a little too much emotion.   
“I’m still going to be a cop, I’m just not ready to be back in that action.” She said softly, she felt bad about all of this. She knew she was letting him down, letting the team down but she just couldn’t face the job anymore. She knew part of this decision was based on fear, but it didn’t hurt that she could now kiss Jay without Voight breathing down their necks. 

“I get it okay? I’m not here to tell you what to do, but you could have told me. I handed Voight my transfer today.”   
Erin’s eyes widened, “You could have told me you wanted to leave the unit.” 

“Right back at ya.” He said sarcastically. Erin smirked shaking her head at him. She stood up and walked the distance between them. She stood in front of him, her hands on either sides of his shoulders. “Maybe one day...” She whispered, knowing he remembered that very conversation they’d had once upon a time. He looked up at her and smiled sweetly. She leaned down and pressed her lips against his, Jay immediately wrapped his arm around her body, she liked the way they seemed to melt into each other like they were made to do this. She couldn’t help but start to smile against his mouth, her tongue pressed against his lips, forcing her way into his mouth. Jay held back a laugh, that was typical Erin always forcing herself into situations. He rose to his feet, kicked the chair out of the way, she ran her hands through his short hair, wanting to memorise every part of him her hands moved down the back of his neck and traced his shoulder blades, he reached down under her buttocks, and she wrapped her legs around his waist and Jay started walking back towards the couch, dipping down so she was now sitting on his lap atop the place where she had been sitting only minutes ago. Their lips broke free of each other and the pair smiled. Erin covered her eyes with her hands feeling embarrassed by the smile on her face, Jay laughed but he didn’t tease her. He didn’t want her to feel like feeling this way was something to laugh about. He just reached over and played with her hair. “You take my breath away.” He said dramatically as he pretended he couldn’t breathe.   
Erin snorted, whacking his arm with her hand. “Shut up.”


	21. Chapter 21

“My biggest fear is coming home and waiting for Jay and he never comes home.” Erin admitted, she felt a shiver run down her spine even though they were in a fully heated room. Her therapist nodded her head as if she knew what Erin was going to say before she even said it. Erin couldn’t face her as she spoke, it was still too hard at times to say things out loud. The words she spoke she wished she didn’t have to listen. The sounds of her words only increased her sense of fear she had for speaking. It was as if saying things out loud reinforced the truth behind it. She reached over for a tissue and lightly dapped at the corners of her eyes, there were no visible tears but her eyes had already started to water at the suggestion that Jay would one day not survive the job. 

Today was triggering for Erin. She had started the morning off at his apartment, watching him get ready for work. It was his very first day back on the field, his cast had been removed and he had been given the all clear. It would be an understatement to say that she was scared on his behalf but he had assured her that he would be fine. She knew he would, but she couldn’t help but feel uneasy. She hadn’t wanted to let go when he kissed her goodbye, that was their new ritual, something she never would have imagined happening in her life, to be starting every day off kissing her partner? It seemed crazy to her but at the same time it felt natural. Voight hadn’t said a word to her about her new romance which was odd, usually he had a mouthful to say, always having an opinion, she assumed his silence was down to the fact that she’d been through things with Jay that she couldn’t explain to any other man. Jay was the one person who understood what she’d been through and she knew that was the only reason why he wasn’t fighting it.   
“Have you talked to Jay about your fears?” 

Erin pondered the question, did he know? She asked herself. She hadn’t come out and said it exactly but she assumed he understood why she lingered for so long before finally letting him leave, or how she suggested he wait another week just to make sure his arm was healed. “Not exactly.” She admitted finally.   
“What’s stopping you?” 

“What’s stopping me is that I know him, if I asked him to stay at a desk he’d do it. Even if it made him miserable, that’s how stupid he is.” She chuckled.   
“Is that so bad?”   
Erin shrugged, “I want him to be happy.”   
“Even if it’s dangerous?”   
“It’s a part of the job, we knew all about the dangers when we signed up.”   
“Do you think you’ll ever go back?”  
Erin didn’t answer straight away, her mind was flashing back to all the times she’d cuffed the bad guys, all the times she was able to save someone’s life. She nodded, “When I’m ready.”   
Everyone cheered when Halstead arrived at work, this was the first time he’d been in this building without a cast since he had been thrown out of the car. His face wore a smile as he sat down at his desk. Antonio messed up his hair with his hand. “Playing with the big boys again.” He teased, scooting back to his own desk.   
Jay laughed, “If that’s what you’re calling yourself these days.” 

The boys all started teasing each other then, throwing insults around like boys often did. Even Alvin was getting involved reminding them all that he was a cop when they were still wearing diapers. The room was filled with commotion until Kim walked in sporting plain clothes, Ruzek was the first to stop talking.   
“Welcome to Intelligence Burgess.” He said, shaking her hand awkwardly. Everyone knew about their secret romance, which was why it was a shock to see her upstairs. With the news that Erin had left the unit, they all had bets on who would replace her, nobody saw this coming. Voight had announced the newest member to the team before they went home the night before. Ruzek had been most shocked out of everyone.   
“Thanks.” She smiled careful not to linger on her boyfriend for too long. Voight had warned her that if she couldn’t work alongside Ruzek professionally she would have to step down and return to uniformed duties. 

“It’s good to have you here.” Antonio called out from the other side of the room.   
Jay was still sitting quietly at his own desk, he watched as everyone welcomed Kim Burgess into the unit, but he couldn’t help but feel like Erin should be the one walking back into this room. He was just about to whip his phone out to text her when Kim snapped her fingers in front of him trying to catch his attention.   
“Hey.” He smiled, not wanting her to feel unwelcomed. Kim smiled sweetly in return.   
“I just wanted to see if we’re cool.” She said, and Jay frowned not knowing what she meant by that.   
“Yeah, why wouldn’t we be?” He asked. 

“Erin was the only girl up here, and now she’s not coming back. I didn’t want you to feel like I am trying to replace her.” Kim started babbling, “and I know that Ruzek and I being involved and being in the same unit probably doesn’t seem fair considering you and Erin...”  
Jay cut her off, “Kim its fine. You’re a good cop, if you weren’t you wouldn’t be here. A word of advice, keep your personal life at home. Don’t worry about my relationship while you’re in here. Just focus on getting the bad guys.” 

Kim nodded, not sure of how she should act after that response. “Got it.” Her pony tail bounced as she spoke, a small smile started peeking out from her lips. “I look forward to working with you,” she said, holding her hand out for him to shake.   
Jay took her hand and gave it a quick shake. He left his desk and walked swiftly past her, signalling for Ruzek to follow him. Once the two men were alone in the break room Jay began to speak. “I hope you’re planning on being professional with your girlfriend working here.”  
Ruzek clapped his hands together in the way Erin hated. “Absolutely.”

“You can start by not checking out her ass, you’re already a loose cannon don’t let a girl get in the way of your job because if you do and one of us gets killed because of it, you’ll be shoved behind a desk faster than you can say Trudy Platt.”   
Ruzek nodded, “Got it.” 

Jay turned to leave but Ruzek called out and stopped him. “Hey look man, I’m sorry about Erin.”  
“You’ve got nothing to be sorry about.” Was all Jay said as he left the room.


	22. Chapter 22

Erin held her breath, this was the first time she’d seen Kelly since they’d broken up, since everything had changed in her life. She knew he wasn’t the type of man who would react negatively toward her for the way things ended, but she still felt bad. Especially since Police and Fire fighters weren’t exactly great at keeping secrets and she was sure everyone knew about her and Jay by then. 

She smiled as she walked into the bar, alone. Kelly was sitting on a bar stool deep in conversation with Otis, she snuck up behind him, placed one hand on his back. “What are you drinkin?” she asked, slipping onto the stool beside him. 

“Depends what you’re buying.” Kelly joked, leaning over to kiss her cheek. She looked down at her lap recalling the last time they’d been at this bar together. They’d shared a drink or two and somehow ended up back at Kelly’s place in one piece. She’d always had a lot of fun with him and now that they were just friends she was sure their dynamic wouldn’t change too significantly. 

“Where’s your boyfriend?” Otis asked nosily, Erin opened her mouth to answer, but Kelly beat her to the punch.   
“Why does it matter, she’s here and you’re the bar tender. Pour us a drink already.”   
After Erin had downed a few beers she had finally started to relax. It had been a very long time since she’d touched alcohol and the sensation was more than satisfying. “So I heard you’re sleeping with someone new.” She teased Kelly with a giggle. He shook his head, chuckling to himself.  
“I forgot how nosey you were when intoxicated.” 

“I’m not intoxicated!” She gasped, “I’ve only had three.” She held up two fingers and shoved them into his face so he could see them. Kelly glanced around to see if anyone was paying attention, but tonight was one of those nights people were either wasted or too busy to pay attention to anybody else. “Hey Erin, did you drive yourself here?”   
Erin shook one finger at him, “I have a boyfriend mister.” She warned him. “And he’s got a gun; he’ll come for you if you make a move on me.” She was trying to stand up, but she kept stumbling in the process, he reached into her jacket pocket and pulled out her cell phone. She was too drunk to even notice. 

Jay arrived only ten minutes later, he was greeted as he walked into the bar, but he wasn’t in the mood to stop and chat. He spotted Kelly and walked over toward him. “Jay!” Erin squealed when she spotted her man, she wrapped her arms around his neck and nuzzled into him. He wrapped his arms around her body, pulled her up against his chest and balanced her weight so he could carry her. He looked at Kelly and said, “Thanks for the call.” 

It took effort but Jay managed to carry a sleeping Erin from his car all the way up to his apartment. She hadn’t even flickered the entire journey which surprised him since he almost dropped her in the elevator between the third and fourth floor. 

He tucked her straight into his bed, she murmured but didn’t wake up. He hadn’t known that she was meeting up with Kelly she’d just told him that she wanted to go out and have a beer. Of course he’d offered to just bring home a six pack after work but she insisted that she needed one from a bar glass, he hadn’t thought anything of it until Kelly had called him. He knew better than to be worried about the pair of them meeting up, but he couldn’t help but feel hurt that she hadn’t just told him about it in the first place, he wouldn’t have minded. Sure he’d have probably teased her about it, but he wasn’t the type to forbid her to go. He watched her laying there, tucked into his sheets, in his bed. This had been the reality he had been wanting for a long time. He pressed his lips against her forehead gently, whispering “Goodnight,” to her sweetly.

Erin awoke the next morning with a heavy head. She groaned a little too loudly waking Jay up in the process, he rolled over and covered his head with his pillow to block out her sounds. She was cursing, vowing to never drink again even though they both knew that was never going to happen. She poked Jay’s side telling him to wake up.  
“I’m asleep.” He told her with a massive yawn. 

“Asleep my ass.” She grumbled, climbing out of the bed. Jay felt her absence as the bed shifted. He rolled himself over, screaming out from the light blinding him. It was too early for this much light he cursed under his breath. He could hear Erin’s footsteps as she walked through his bathroom looking for pain killers. She yelled out to him, “Where’re your drugs?” 

“Top left cabinet” He hollered back at her as he tiptoed towards the light switch. Erin wandered back into his bedroom and groaned. “Put a shirt on.” She begged, climbing onto the bed beside him.  
“Why?” He asked, wrapping an arm around her shoulders.

“I don’t want to remember the first time I ripped the rest of your clothes off being the same time I had the worst hangover of the year.” She explained groggily, snuggling into his bare chest.  
“Why should I cover up? Why can’t you just learn how to keep your hands to yourself?” He asked with a cheeky chuckle.   
“Because I said so.” 

“We’re not going to be one of those couples.”   
“What couples are those?” She asked, still cuddled up against him with her eyes closed tight.  
“The ones when the girl keeps the guys balls in her purse.”  
“Oh please, you wish I would go near your balls.” 

“So what if I did wish that?” He laughed, stroking her cheek with the pad of his thumb.  
“You’re such a guy.”  
“Is that supposed to be an insult? Because if it is, I’ve heard you do better.”  
Jay screamed out as she reached over to punch his stomach. “What was that for?” He asked, tending to his injury.  
“To shut you up.” She said without skipping a beat.


	23. Chapter 23

Jay was raking through his desk looking for some files he needed to fill out, he absolutely hated paperwork but since he was still getting back on his feet he knew that he couldn’t pass it off to a uniform. He was frustrated but what could he do? He groaned externally as he shuffled through pages in his desk. He didn’t even notice that someone had walked in. 

Antonio was the first to notice that Erin had wandered in. “Hey stranger.” He greeted her, patting her on the arm. She smiled and asked him if Voight was in his office. He nodded, and she politely slipped past him, Jay looked up but Erin had already walked past him. He shot Antonio a look but the other man merely shrugged.  
Erin tapped her knuckles against Voight’s door, “Can I come in?” She asked, and Voight nodded. She closed the door behind herself. Voight closed the book he had been reading as Erin pulled up a chair.  
“What’s on your mind?” He asked, noticing the concern on Erin’s face.   
She shook her head, “Nothing, just wanted to check in.”  
“Usually you call first.” He pointed out, not buying it at all. Erin was usually a better liar. “How’s your therapy going?” He asked after gaining no response for his first reply. Erin shifted in her seat her discomfort was obvious but she was trying to hide it.  
“I stopped going.” She told him with a careless shrug.

Voight stared at her, “I don’t want to be the one to tell you what to do...”  
“Then don’t be.” She snapped, edging forward off her seat.  
“I think not going is a bad idea, it was working wasn’t it? You’re talking again almost back to the way you were before.”  
“You want me to go back to normal like as if nothing happened? I can’t do that. I can talk, I can eat, I can have sex but I can’t just pretend that some lowlife gang didn’t try to drown me and beat me until I bled. I can’t just act like that never happened, that’s what everybody wants. You know I came down here to see how you were doing, I didn’t come for a lecture.”   
“Sex huh?” Voight asked with a stiff jaw. Erin smirked, she had only said that to rattle his chain.  
“I’m legal.” 

Voight shook his head, “You don’t have to forget what happened, but don’t let those scumbags dictate the rest of your life. You’ll regret it.”   
She nodded, deep down the words Voight had been saying were getting through to her but the wall she had been building on the outside were blocking him out, she didn’t want him to be right she just wanted it to all be simple. She wanted to have her job, to go to bars and have fun with her friends. She wanted to be intimate with her new boyfriend but something was stopping her, the fear that pressed down against her chest every time she tried to do things she used to do, she didn’t want to be out in the field in case someone hurt her again, she didn’t feel comfortable socialising without alcohol to numb her feelings, she couldn’t bring herself to let Jay in, she wasn’t ready to open herself up to him like that. He was there he knew what it was like but when she looked at him all she could see was someone who was coping when she wasn’t. How could he go back to his life after all that had happened? She was happy for him but sometimes it was a little hard to process.   
Jay was waiting for her when she came out of Voight’s office. “You alright?” He asked, she nodded slightly and walked over to his desk. “How bout we go out tonight, just the two of us?” She suggested, leaning over his desk and cupping his face in her hand. Jay ignored Antonio who was trying not to laugh.   
“Sounds good.” He smiled pushing himself up to kiss her, Erin was too quick she moved out of his reach before he got the chance. “I’ll see you after work.” She told him leaving the room in an instant.

Jay looked over at where Antonio was watching. “I called that you know.”   
“Called what?” Jay asked with a bite to his tone. Antonio however didn’t notice.  
“You and Lindsay, when you started here I knew something would happen. Willhite and I even made a bet on it.”  
“Oh yeah? Who won?”   
“She did.”  
“What was the bet?”  
“I thought Voight would kick your ass before it happened, she said he’d soften up before you’d get the balls to go after her.”  
Jay rolled his eyes, “You two suck.”  
Antonio’s eyes glazed off, he often had that look in his eye whenever he was reminded of his fallen partner. Jay was about to apologise when Antonio picked himself back up. “I don’t know how you did it, but the Voight I know would have kicked your ass by now.”  
“Who says he hasn’t?”  
Antonio smirked, “If he had Lindsay would have yelled louder.”  
Jay shook his head as he laughed, that was strangely enough true. Even if they weren’t dating, she always seemed to give Voight hell whenever she thought he was playing unfair towards him.   
Lindsay wandered inside Jay’s apartment. She walked into his bedroom, a familiar smell hit her nose. It didn’t smell bad, it just smelled exactly like Jay, his aftershave, his scent. She lay face first down onto the bed, reaching up underneath the pillows. It was then she started to cry, she let out all of her emotion, every ounce of pain she had been feeling for the past few months came spilling out onto that pillow. She couldn’t help it, life hurts. She just wanted all the pain to go away; no matter how impossible that goal seemed right now.


	24. Chapter 24

“Well, look at you,” Erin cheered softly as Halstead walked toward her on the near empty side walk. They’d arranged to meet each other outside the restaurant just like they would have if they weren’t currently living together. They were both aware that their relationship had skipped a few steps, but neither of them wanted to back pedal. It didn’t matter that they were living under the same roof and sharing a bed every evening, every other aspect of their relationship was brand new, they were still learning how to act, how to be in a relationship with each other. It was foreign and after all this time they’d spent wanting each other, even then it wasn’t a snap of the fingers that instantly showed them how to act around each other.   
Erin reached over swiftly taking his hand into hers like she’d seen in movies. She had never been that kind of girlfriend but for some reason Jay made her feel like she wanted to be. He smiled down at her like the sunshine was coming from his eyes. She could feel her heart skipping a beat just like it did when she was in high school and a cute boy would glance in her direction.   
“Are you wearing a skirt?” He teased her, she squirmed trying to fall out of his grasp. She didn’t like him bringing attention to her dressing up. She’d done it for him of course, but not for him to make fun of.   
Jay could pick up on her discomfort and in a desperate attempt to save the situation he told her, “I like it.”   
They walked through a pit of smoke, the cigarette stench filled their lungs on their way to the door. Erin coughed and Jay started to worry. “Are you alright?”  
She nodded, “I’m fine, or I will be once you say that you’re buying dinner.”   
He laughed, “I guess this time I actually have to pay for your meal.”   
“You bet your ass you do, or else you’ll be sleeping on the couch tonight.”  
“If I slept on the couch you’d sleep on the floor beside me.” He pointed out, wrapping his arm around her shoulders. He was right, Erin hadn’t tried to sleep on her own lately but some nights even now, she would wake up and panic if she couldn’t feel Jay beside her.  
The candle lit restaurant was filled with couples, Erin snuck a glance at pairs leaning in close and getting all kinds of romantic, she looked up at Jay and for a moment wondered if maybe this was a bad idea. This place wasn’t them at all. The decor was fancy even Erin could tell the prices would be out of her usual range. She poked Jay to grab his attention. “Do you want to go someplace else?” She asked, but he shook his head.   
“Our first proper dinner should probably be something we’ll remember.”   
She agreed, stepping forward with everyone else in the line. Jay was mesmerised by the room, the candle chandeliers were something worth staring at as they hung neatly from the ceiling.   
The faint sound of “Next” came without warning, Jay pulled Erin along for their turn she flashed her badge and Jay couldn’t help but smirk. She hadn’t made a reservation.  
“How’d you know that would work?” He asked her once they were seated at their table, Erin’s foot was resting firmly against his ankle underneath the gold table cloth. Erin shrugged innocently. “Have you done this before?”  
“I am a woman of the law, I don’t just flash my badge to impress men.”   
“Oh really?”   
“Really.”   
Jay pulled open his menu, his eyes nearly popped out of his head at the prices, it’s not that he was cheap. He just hadn’t been dining in fancy restaurants in a while. He’d forgotten how heavy the prices could be. Erin had no idea that he was silently freaking out however because he was concealing himself.  
“Just a heads up, the badge did score us a discount.” Erin spoke without looking up. Jay could feel himself calm down, a rush of relief swept over him.  
“What kind of discount?” He asked, placing his menu flat down on the table.  
Erin raised her eyebrow at him, “I helped the owner out a few years back, we’re good.”  
“Good as in we get a discount or good like we don’t have to pay at all?”  
Erin rolled her eyes, “I said we’re good.”   
Jay didn’t know if he was missing something or if she just didn’t want to answer, but he left it at that.

Erin played with her fork absentmindedly; Jay had noticed that she wasn’t eating much if at all.   
“What’s on your mind?” He asked her casually. She let go of her fork, it landed against her plate with a bang. She looked at him apologetically but he shook his head at her.   
“I stopped going to therapy and Voight in on my back about it, nothing I can’t handle.”  
“Is that why you came to work today?”   
She nodded, picking at her food again. “Aren’t you going to lecture me too?” She asked after he started eating. She had expected him to at least have an opinion, lately he was always being careful not to upset her. He thought she hadn’t noticed but that was far from the truth.   
“No, we’re on a date, and if you think you don’t need it then I’m not going to piss you off by telling you to go.”  
“I should have dated you a long time ago, maybe you would have agreed to everything I said a lot sooner.”  
“Ha-ha.” He said with bitter sarcasm.   
She smiled, “But really, I should have.”  
“You’re dating me now, isn’t that enough for you?”  
“Depends,” She leaned in, pressing her arms against her chest, Jay couldn’t help where his eyes landed, her cleavage was something he rarely got to see and right now she was flaunting it on purpose.  
“Depends on what?” He asked trying to move his gaze.  
She laughed, “Wouldn’t you like to know.”

It was cold outside, so when Jay walked hand in hand with Erin back to her car, he had draped his jacket over her shoulders. She was leaning in towards him sheltering herself from the ice cold air. The wind was howling in the background but all Erin was concentrating on was the man who held grip on her hand.   
“Are you going to invite me back to your place now?” She asked, turning to face him.  
“Are you sure? I mean, your dad probably wants you home by curfew.”   
Erin snorted, slapping his arm playfully. He smiled down at her and she smiled back up at him with a hint of adoration in her eyes. He pulled her in gently, caressing her back with his hand softly. She leaned in, taking in his scent before their lips were joined. He sighed against her lips, a happy sigh like as if he had been waiting all night for this very moment. She let herself go, all the stress and the worry began to fade, all her pain was gone for those few moments that their lips were connected, her whole body and her soul was joined to him as he ran his tongue against her lower lip, her heart fluttered and her hands made their way up his body until resting around his neck. She pulled her lips away and gasped in the cold autumn air. “He won’t mind if I’m a few minutes late.” She joked, pulling him down for another set of sweet kisses.


	25. Chapter 25

Erin ran a trembling finger down Jay’s bare toned stomach, she breathed in fast when he threatened to wake up. Her lip was caught between her teeth as she attempted to keep quiet. The night before was replaying on her mind, his hands along her body, her lips against his chest, his hair between her fingers, his breath against her neck. She smiled to herself as the sun peeked out from behind the blinds. She slipped herself out from his embrace and caught her reflection in the mirror down the crooked hallway as she scurried off towards the kitchen.  
Jay murmured to himself feeling the absence of Erin as soon as she left. He rubbed his tired eyes and stretched himself out. They hadn’t even had sex but it was one of the best nights he’d ever spent with her. As soon as he had opened his apartment door last night Erin had pressed her mouth against his, he had to balance himself to avoid falling over from the force of her touch. They’d somehow made their way back to his bedroom, her hands were everywhere. He’d forgotten what it was like to feel so turned on, and the fact that it was Erin made everything ten times more effective.   
Erin hummed to herself in the kitchen as she stirred her sugar spoon through her morning coffee, she ran her fingers along her collarbones, bruises left along her body from Jay and his new found joy for sucking along her skin. She could feel her face heating up, her whole body felt like it was on fire at the memories. She wasn’t ready to jump all the way in, but last night definitely reassured her that the wait would be worth it.   
Jay was in the shower once she’d returned to his room. She left her coffee cup atop of his dresser where assortments of other things were already cluttering the surface. She couldn’t help but notice a few unopened envelopes. They were all addressed to some girl she’d never heard of, she frowned not knowing why they would be sent to this address, and if they had been sent there by mistake why would Jay keep them in his bedroom? She jumped when the bathroom door handle started to move. Jay walked in wearing only a towel.   
“Good coffee?” He mused, nodding towards the mug in her hands. Erin lifted her thumb up in the air. He moved past her, opened his underwear draw in silence. She watched, waiting for him to say something but he didn’t utter a word. He moved out of her way once he’d grabbed a fresh pair of boxers and locked himself back into his bathroom. She sighed, were things going to be like this from now on? After a night of being so close, were they really about to start with the silent treatment.  
When Jay was fully dressed and chewing on a slice of toast ready to rush out for work, Erin stopped him. She didn’t love the feeling inside her chest, the way things felt in the air it was all wrong. She laced her arm around his waist and ignored the sounds of him chewing on that damn piece of bread.  
“It’s going to sound cliché but last night I had a good time.” She spoke with a tone that for the first time in a long time made her sound happy. Jay swallowed and leaned down to press his lips against her forehead, leaving tiny crumbs to fall down her face. She wiped them away with a small chuckle.  
“Good because I did too.”   
“So, we’re good?” She questioned, feeling nervous all of a sudden.  
Jay gave her a quizzical look, “Yeah we’re more than good, don’t worry so much Lindsay.”   
Erin smirked, “So that’s how we’re going to be from now on?”   
“I don’t know what you’re talking about Detective.” He winked, pressing his lips down against hers, gently kissing her goodbye. 

“How was date night?” Antonio asked as the two detectives walked up the stairs together. Jay shook his head having forgotten that they hadn’t been alone when Erin made the suggestion.  
“It wasn’t like you think it was.” Jay admitted as they started up the last round of stairs. Antonio laughed and patted his friend on the back.  
“So you’re saying all you did was share a bowl of pasta?” He asked, not believing it for a second.  
Jay shrugged, “She wants to take it slow, I respect that.”   
Voight was standing in the corner, listening to every word the pair were saying, secretly he was glad that Halstead was talking about Erin in an honourable fashion, if he had said anything disrespectful there would have been a lawsuit against him within the hour.  
“Nah ah, I don’t believe this.” Antonio refused, walking behind his desk and starting his filing. Voight had had enough of their conversation, quickly retreated back to his office.   
Jay swung around on his desk chair, rolling it over towards Antonio’s desk. “I’m telling the truth, she said she didn’t want to have sex until we were committed or whatever.”  
“Has she even met you?” Antonio laughed, “You’ve been committed to her since you met her.”  
Jay smiled down at the floor, he hadn’t realised he had been so obvious for so long. “I don’t care anyway, I’m not with her for that.”  
Antonio nodded, he understood. 

Erin dialled the numbers into her cell phone and waited for someone to answer, she listened to the sound of the dial until the connection went through. Nadia thankfully was the one to answer. “Hello?”  
“Hey Nad, don’t react. I just wanted to know if you would do something for me.”  
“I see, how can I help you?” Nadia asked, eyeballing the detectives that were sitting around her.  
Erin cleared her throat, reached over to Jay’s chest of draws and took hold of one of the envelopes. “When everyone has gone I need you to go to my computer and look up a name for me.”  
Nadia was about to tell her that she no longer had a computer in the office, but she knew she wouldn’t be able to say that without raising the suspicions of at least one of the cops that were sitting in her proximity. “Can do, I’ll call you back.” She told Erin before ending the call as if nothing had happened. She looked down at the notepad she’d scribbled down the name Erin had told her over the phone,   
Stacy Graham.


	26. Chapter 26

Jay felt great, he had a great day at work. The paperwork was minimal and they’d closed a very stressful case that he was glad to finally be rid of, and best of all he was going home to his girlfriend who he had to try extremely hard not think about all day. When he walked into the door she was waiting for him.  
“My day couldn’t have gone any better.” He told her enthusiastically as he threw his jacket over the back of the sofa. Erin nodded, handing him over a stack of unopened letters.   
“What’s this?” He asked before realising what they were.   
She shrugged, “You tell me, who is this girl?”  
Jay wiped the sweat beads that formed on his forehead. He sighed deeply and sat down on the sofa beside her. “Stacy was an old girlfriend of mine, I don’t know why those keep being sent here, but I’ve never opened them and I don’t want to know what’s inside them.”  
“Why do you still have them?” She wanted to know.  
Jay looked at her expression trying to figure out if she was mad at him, but she wouldn’t meet his eye.   
“I don’t know.”

“Don’t.” She moved away when he tried to take for her hand.  
“I’m sorry, I haven’t received one in a long time. I didn’t think it would come up or matter to you.”  
“It matters to me because this girl is dead Jay! Why are you getting letters addressed to a dead girl?” She snapped, rising to her feet.  
Jay’s face dropped like he had just run over his own cat. He felt like someone had slapped him across the face or punched him in the gut. “She died because of me.”  
Erin sat back down beside him, feeling bad for him all of a sudden. “Jay I’m sorry.”  
He shrugged, “Don’t be.”

“Do you want to talk about it?” She asked, linking their fingers together. He looked down at their hands and smiled sadly.  
“I hadn’t thought about her in a long time, not until I was laying in a hospital bed knowing that you were still in some basement. I didn’t know if you were alive or if they were still hurting you.”

“Hey,” She snapped her fingers in front of his face, begging him to look at her. “Whatever happened to this girl, it didn’t happen to me. I’m right here.” She reminded him, pulling him into a loving embrace.  
“Do you mind if I throw those in the trash?” He asked, meaning the letters of course. Erin shook her head.   
“You can do whatever you want with them.”  
“I didn’t tell anyone because they stopped coming six months ago. I thought whoever had been sending them must have given up.”  
“I’m sorry for being the suspicious, paranoid girlfriend.” She laughed, kissing his cheek, he smiled before offering to order take out for dinner, she let him go but the sinking feeling in her stomach remained, why was the information Nadia had turned over different from Jay’s story?

She hadn’t had a nightmare in weeks, but this night was different, Jay had never switched the bedside lamp on faster in his life. Erin had awoken screaming in the middle of the night, and Jay had tried his best to calm her down, she clung to him and sobbed into his chest until the tears ran out, he pulled her in as close as he could but even then he could still feel her shaking body. He cradled her in his arms for the rest of the night and wouldn’t allow himself to sleep until she was completely out of it, which didn’t happen until almost four am. When the sun finally started peeking through his blinds he dialled Voight’s number. “I can’t come in today.” He told his boss, shielding himself so Erin couldn’t hear.

“You’re not skipping out on work so you can romance Erin, she may not be in this unit anymore but that doesn’t mean you’re going to let her affect your job.”  
“That’s not it, she woke up screaming again. The therapy was helping but now she’s quit and I don’t think she should be alone today.”  
“Tell her I need her in the office, she can help Nadia. You’re not skipping work.”  
“Yes boss.”  
Erin knew that nobody needed her at work, she was one of the greatest detectives after all. She went willingly however, since there was no use in getting into an argument with Jay. He was only looking out for her. Nadia was already working the phones when she arrived, Erin wandered over and made herself comfortable.   
“So, I guess we’re going to be hanging out today.” She interrupted as Nadia finished her phone call.   
“We haven’t done that in a while.” Nadia reminded her, scribbling down a phone message for Voight.   
Erin glanced back over at Jay who was engaged in conversation with some of the guys. She sighed and leaned in closer to Nadia. “I asked him about her last night, something doesn’t add up.” She whispered, and Nadia frowned before sneaking a look at Jay herself.   
“What do you think he’s hiding?” 

Erin shrugged, “I don’t know but I am going to find out.”  
The two girls didn’t talk until they were alone, Voight had barked his commands for the day and the detectives all went rushing off one by one. Erin watched as Burgess and Jay were partnered up. The look on Jay’s face brought a smirk to her own, he had been complaining about Ruzek and Burgess being allowed to work in the same unit and she couldn’t help but be amused by him now having to work with Kim. He gave her a look when he walked past and she rolled her eyes. It didn’t take long for the room to be completely empty, the silence was almost deafening.   
“What did he say about her?” Nadia asked straightforwardly. Erin sunk into her chair thinking back to the exact conversation.  
“He said she was an old girlfriend and that she’d died because of him, but why would someone be sending him letters addressed to a dead girl?” She pondered, still not understanding the mystery.   
“Why would he lie about it?” 

Erin shrugged, he had no reason to lie to her did he? Unless he was into something bad and too deep to get out. It just made no sense to her. Jay hadn’t kept things from her in a very long time, why start now?


	27. Chapter 27

Erin didn’t want to make a scene which is why she carried on as normal when the pair of them went home that evening, she relaxed in front of the television as usual, with Jay cuddled into her side, they watched jeopardy and debated over who knew more answers. It was nice to let go for just one night, even though the suspense was killing her. All she wanted was to know the truth, but the risk would entail making him angry, or having him shut her out for good. He still didn’t know that she’d rescued the letters and they were burning a hole in her suitcase. She was determined to find out who this mystery girl was and why Jay was keeping this a secret.   
Jay pulled back the sheets of his bed and removed the extra pillows from his side, he knew Erin liked to sleep with as many pillows as humanly possible so he placed his spares on top of her side. She wandered in wearing only a singlet and a pair of bike shorts. A smile spread across his face when her eyes met his.   
“Never seen a woman before?” She asked in a teasing tone as she began pulling down her side of the bed. He climbed in on his side and wriggled around to make himself comfortable. She slid in, her foot accidentally bumping into his underneath the blankets. They both stopped moving, the sounds of each other’s breathing was the only thing they could concentrate on. 

“Erin.” He whispered, staring up at the ceiling fan that continuously spun. She opened her mouth to speak but no words would come out, not straight away at least. She tried again, squeaking out the word, “Yeah?”   
“When we were kidnapped, the only thing I could think of was getting you out of there.” He told her, still staring at the fan above their heads.  
“Jay...”  
“I think I have loved you for a long time.”   
“Jay.” She repeated.  
“I know that sounds crazy, and it’s too soon to say it or whatever but that’s just the only way I can explain how I feel right now.”   
She rolled over to face him, running her hand up and down his arm. He cranked his neck to her direction, scared of meeting her eyes, scared of reading something he didn’t want to read. 

“You don’t have to explain how you feel. I already know.” She assured him, pressing her lips down against his shoulder. He didn’t have to explain because she felt it too, she didn’t understand it herself, and there was no way she would be able to explain it if she tried, but she knew exactly how it felt, but it scared her.  
She closed her eyes slowly, letting the darkness of the room help he drift off to sleep, she could feel Jay’s arms wrap around her, it was a comfort despite her doubts in him she still needed him there. It wasn’t long until she was waking up, her hands tied behind her back and her mouth gagged. She tried to scream but she was trapped, her voice was stolen, her heart was racing and there was nothing she could do. She tried to stand but gravity took over, she laid there on the ground, her legs and hands bound. The thumping of her heart thrashed against her chest, she didn’t know where she was, or who she was with. A scream erupted in her chest trying to break free, but it was too late, nobody could hear her, nobody was there to save her. She pleaded with her eyes, thrashed her body violently in an attempt to break free, tears spilled down her face, her teeth tried to gnaw herself free from the material that had been tied around her mouth. Fear was running through her veins and it was only a matter of time before it destroyed her. She let out a muffled cry as someone pulled at her hair. Shoving her face into the cold hard ground, a knee pushed into her back without mercy as a gun was loaded. She could hear her captor preparing for her dead, she struggled like a crocodile in a death roll, but it was too late. She was forced to roll over, to see who was trying to kill her, she shook her head in fear when a familiar face greeted her. “You’ve been a bad girl Erin.” Jay laughed villainously as he shot her between the eyes.  
Jay woke up to a blood curdling scream, Erin was thrashing in bed beside him, sweat dripping down her entire body as she jolted between the sheets, he grabbed hold of her, trying to keep her body still. “Erin, it’s okay. You’re okay.” He cooed, trying to calm her down, she opened her eyes, her mouth opened wide in terror, fear clouded over her eyes and Jay didn’t know what to do, “Erin, it’s me. You’re safe, I’m here.” He whispered, pulling her into a hug.   
She cried into his chest, it was just a dream.   
He carried her into the bathroom, her legs hung over his arm and her arms wrapped around his neck. She was soaking wet with sweat and he wanted to clean her up. “I’m going to go get you a glass of water alright?” He told her, sitting her down on the bathroom mat. She nodded, not saying a word. She was still traumatised, Jay didn’t know what she’d been dreaming about but he’d never seen her this distraught.   
When he returned she had pulled her legs against her chest, curled up into a ball. She rocked back and forth like a rocking chair. He sat down beside her trying not to startle her. “Erin, nobody is going to hurt you. It was just a dream.” He whispered, handing her the glass of cold water. She pressed it towards her lips, as Jay hovered over her. She looked up into his eyes and the glass slipped from her finger tips, smashing on the tiled floor, leaving cuts over both of them from the shards of broken glass.   
Jay cursed under his breath and reached for one of the towels that hung behind him on a rack. He immediately tended to Erin’s cuts, ignoring his own. She kept telling him that she was sorry, but he told her it was fine. He wiped away the blood, the cuts weren’t deep and with a little bit of pressure they soon stopped bleeding. He walked over to the shower, blood still dripping down his legs. He turned on the water, and told Erin to call for him when she was finished cleaning herself up. She nodded and watched as he headed towards the door.  
“Jay.” She stopped him, he turned to face her, his face filled with worry.  
“You’re bleeding.”   
He looked down at his legs, they were a bloody mess. He hadn’t seen himself bleed this much since he’d broken his nose, he quickly remembered his bloody reflection as they moved him out of the crusty old bathroom. He looked over at his reflection now, shaking from the memory as the water continued to run in the shower.   
Erin lifted her shirt over her head and dropped it to the floor, Jay moved his glance from the mirror to give her privacy, he started walking out the door and back towards his room but her voice, that shaky voice stopped him in his bloody tracks.   
“Maybe you should go first.” She croaked, wanting him to clean his fresh wounds, they were her fault after all.  
Jay looked at her, her arms folded against her bare chest, hiding most of her upper half. He pulled his own shirt over his head from the back. Her eyes never left his body as he stepped out of his boxers. He walked into the shower and let the water drip down every inch of himself, Erin stood there, listening to his wincing. His cuts were deeper than hers since the glass had been closer to Jay when it fell. She walked over to the cabinet and searched for bandaids to tend to his wound. She found a first aid kit with everything she needed, her face drifted upwards toward the mirror. Her half naked body stared back at her. She’d lost a lot of weight since being kidnapped, it was only now noticeable to her. She panicked, would Jay still like her body this way? The way her ribs stuck out and her breasts shrunk down, would he want someone whose hips stuck out? She bit down on her lip so hard that she started to taste blood.   
“Jay.” She called out, and he immediately stuck his head out from the shower door. She self consciously covered herself even though he had probably already seen everything she had to offer. 

“Are you okay?” He asked her.  
She nodded, “What kind of body did Stacy have?”   
He frowned, letting the water from his wet hair drip down his face. “Why are you asking this?” He asked.  
“I’m just wondering if you’re into girls whose bones stick out of their bodies.” She said sadly.  
His face softened, realising what she was getting at. He pushed the rest of the door past so his body was on display. “You think I don’t compare myself to that fireman you were with?” He pointed out, she smiled at him and her cheeks started to flush, he covered himself up with the door again just to stop her from feeling embarrassed. “The point is, you can weigh 90 pounds or 190 and you’d still be Erin, and I’d still want to be with you.”   
She smiled, her face feeling like it was on fire. This was the real Jay, he wasn’t the monster from her nightmare, he wasn’t the kind of guy she always tried to convince herself he was, he was the kind of guy she knew she wanted to be with, with or without the Stacy mystery. She knew she wanted to be with him. She started kicking off her shorts and her underwear and walked over to the shower. Jay was under the water when she slipped in past the slightly opened door. He turned around to face her and she stepped into his arms.


	28. Chapter 28

Erin couldn’t help her curiosity; it was like an itch she couldn’t quite scratch. She didn’t want to get him involved, in fact she would rather he didn’t but he was the only person who she trusted to help. That’s why she was walking into his office at this time of night. She’d told Jay that she was meeting an old friend, which wasn’t entirely a lie. Voight was old-er, and he was a friend. She tapped on the window pane of his office, not waiting for him to look up before barging in. He looked surprised to see her. 

“I need your help.” She announced, taking a seat opposite him. Voight stopped what he was doing and turned all of his attention to her. She was being straightforward which meant she was serious about whatever it was she wanted. He knew not to play games with her, she was like a bomb about to explode.   
“With?” He asked, playing with his pen. She looked out the window to make sure they were alone. They were.   
She pulled out the envelopes from her bag and scattered them across Voight’s messy desk. He picked one up and inspected it, he couldn’t work out what the hell they were doing in Lindsay’s bag, or on his desk as they were now.

“Care to explain?”   
“That’s Halstead’s address.”   
“But that’s not his name.” He pieced together, he took another glance at the arrangement of envelopes before cracking a smile. “Maybe he got a sex change?”   
Erin scoffed, “This is serious, I need your help.”  
“I don’t know what you think I can do, it’s mail, why don’t you just ask him about it?”   
“I did.” She snapped. “But I know he didn’t tell me the truth.”  
“The truth hurts kid, maybe he doesn’t want you involved.”  
“Wow, sounds strangely familiar.” She retorted bitterly. Voight nodded, that was fair considering all the truths he’d conveniently kept from her. It appeared it was still a sore point for them. 

“Hey, I did what I had to do.”  
She nodded, “I know, doesn’t mean it sucks any less.” Voight felt a strange sensation, looking across at the girl in front of him he couldn’t help but see her for the teenager he took in all those years ago. Always talking about how things sucked, and how life wasn’t fair. He smiled to himself. She was still that young girl.   
“Are you going to help me or not?” She asked, waiting for an answer.  
Voight picked up one of the envelopes and thought about it for a moment. He met Erin’s eyes and they stared at each other as if the first person to look away would be the inferior. She was watching his eyes, the one on the left started to twitch, she could tell he was about to cave in, she merely stared harder.   
“I’ll see what I can do.” He said, looking away.   
“You have to promise to tell me everything you find, even if you think I can’t handle it.”  
He sighed, which only pushed her harder.   
“Voight...”  
He nodded, “Alright.”  
She reached over to grab the envelopes back, he trapped her hand against the desk, stopping her. “You can’t take these with you.”  
“Why not?”  
“I’m guessing your boyfriend doesn’t know you swiped them, and do you think you’ll be in his good books when he finds out that you still have them?”  
She crossed her arms against her chest in frustration, she hated when he was right. “Fine, but if you’re going to read them...”  
“I’ll call you.”  
Erin walked herself to the door, turning before she stepped out of the office, “I love him just so you know.”

She made her way home, and just like she had been doing every day that week, she acted as if nothing was going on behind the scenes, she slid into Jay’s arms in front of the TV and argued with him over who should have to leave the sofa to grab the beers. She kissed him until he agreed that it was his turn to get up, and chuckled to herself at how smitten he had become.  
She grabbed hold of one of the cushions that sat upon the sofa and cuddled into it as commercials flashed across the television screen, she’d seen the very same ones at least three times since coming home, and was growing bored from Jay’s absence. “Jay?” She called out, wondering what was taking him so long. He didn’t answer, so she went to investigate.   
He was standing in the kitchen, leaning up against the counter bench top. “Hey, are you alright?” She asked, standing close beside him. He looked at her and passed over a beer. She accepted it gratefully and popped open the bottle. 

He still handed answered the question, her words hung over them like a cold winters breeze that wouldn’t leave them alone. She sipped at her drink, and watched as Jay did the same. He pulled her into his side, his arms around her fickle shoulders. “I’m fine.” He whispered, but for some reason she couldn’t bring herself to believe him. His phone was face down on the table, and she suspected it had everything to do with his change of mood, but there was no way of knowing for sure, not with him standing right there guarding it from her. She was going to have to trust him even if it killed her. 

Jay lay Erin flat on his bed, their beer bottles sat on the floor in the corner by the door, he lifted her shirt above her head and pressed his mouth along her jaw, she let out a sigh of appreciation as he thumbed her ear lobe simultaneously, her hands were in his hair as he hovered over her almost still body. It was like fate how perfectly their bodies fit together, like an immaculate puzzle that had no wrong edges. She pulled him down on top of her, liking the way she felt when they were touching, chest to chest, she rolled on top of him, straddling his hips and pressing her weight against him in a way that drove him mad, she thrived off the look in his eyes, lust mixed with frustration as she unhooked her bra and threw it down onto the floor. He panted impatiently, which made her laugh just seconds before their mouths crashed together in a hot embrace, her fingers tweaked his nipples causing him to bite down on her lip and making her squeal. 

Until now they’d looked, they’d even touched. But they’d never given into their urges completely, Erin had always been too scared, too self conscious and worried about her own performance anxiety, but not tonight. Their hands couldn’t have been more satisfied as they searched every inch of each other, they learnt by each other’s noises, the way Erin would moan every time Jay rubbed his hips against hers, or when Jay would curse like a sailor every time she whispered something dirty into his ear.   
So when it came time for the big finale, the pair of them were already covered in sweat, and tired from their heads to their toes, Jay gripped firmly at Erin’s bare bum, and she was groaning against his neck, their entire bodies were jolted with electric vibes, Erin felt like she was sitting on the sun, she gasped for air when they finally broke free, Jay laid down against the pillows, searching for his breath. Something he’d lost after the first time Erin screamed out excitedly. He looked over at his girlfriend who laid with her eyes closed tight, but with a grin spread across her face. He leaned over and nibbled on her earlobe, “Love you.” He whispered, which only made her smile grow.


	29. Chapter 29

Voight walked down the long hallway, he didn’t know why they were calling him into the police commissioners office, or what he had done wrong. He walked slowly, trying to think of excuses for whatever it was he needed to get out of. He paused outside the office he was told to meet at, catching his reflection through the windows, his uniform had nothing out of place. He switched off his cell phone and took a seat.   
A man not much older than Voight opened the door. He stood to his feet and stepped in, inside the room Voight noticed a man in a suit and tie he’d never seen before. “Hank Voight, this is Special Agent Jefferson.” Voight nodded, holding out his hand to greet the agent. He couldn’t for the life of him think of any reason why an FBI agent would request a meeting with him. What the hell had he done?  
“Agent Jefferson has some questions for you regarding a Detective Erin Lindsay.”  
Voight swallowed harshly, what had Erin done? He wondered, trying his hardest not to react to the words spoken. He nodded his head casually, turning to face the agent. “I know her very well.” He explained.   
Agent Jefferson nodded, “That’s not what this is about.”   
Voight looked at him, still unsure what any of this all meant. “Would you mind telling me what Erin Lindsay has to do with anything?” He asked with a startled tone in his voice. He didn’t want Erin in trouble, and he was mentally preparing to talk his way out of having her anywhere near it.  
“It’s to our knowledge at the bureau that Detective Lindsay has been searching for information on a woman named Stacy Graham.”  
Voight’s heart sunk in his chest, who was Stacy Graham? He still didn’t know. He’d done his research but came up with blanks. If he couldn’t find anything, what would Erin have come across to get the FBI involved?  
“As far as I know Stacy is a friend of a friend.” Voight answered calmly, knowing that whatever was said in this office could be used against him.  
Agent Jefferson pulled out a file from his briefcase, he strummed through pages until overturning a set of documents. He handed them over to Voight, expecting him to read what they said. Voight however had other plans.   
“What is this?” He questioned suspiciously, not wanting to further involve himself, “What has this got to do with Erin Lindsay and this Stacy girl?”   
“Stacy Graham was assigned an undercover mission a few years ago, her and her partner Jay Halstead. She uncovered a terrorist organisation which we were able to dismantle in time. However Stacy had grown attached to one of the men she had met during the mission and he had felt betrayed by her actions. In an attempt to gain his trust again she warned him about the oncoming arrests and he managed to escape, not without casualties. It was then in Stacy’s best interest that he sent her into witness protection.”  
Voight didn’t know what to think, he was still stuck on the part when Agent Jefferson had said “Her partner Jay Halstead.” Was that kid really caught up in all of this mess? How was he not informed? He was pissed, in his unit everyone had to be honest and straight up with him so he could do what he had to do to protect them, Halstead had not once mentioned that he was getting letters or that he had been on an undercover mission like that.   
“You need to make sure Erin Lindsay stops searching for her or the Stacy and herself will be in grave danger.”  
Voight didn’t know what he was going to do regarding Erin, but he knew what he was going to do to Jay Halstead.   
That’s why when Jay walked in through the back entrance of the CPD, Voight didn’t hesitate to jump down his throat. “Halstead, it’s about time you and I had a little chat.” He said without any form of emotion.  
Jay nodded, “Sure Sarge what’s up?” He asked. Walking closer to his boss, Voight didn’t leave room for small talk, he grabbed his detective by the shirt and pushed him up against the nearest wall. The force was enough for Jay to cry out in pain as his skull hit the brick with a loud bang.   
“What’s going on?” Jay asked. He thought for sure that this was about him having sex with Erin. He didn’t know how Voight would know about that, unless she’d told him. But that made no sense, why would she tell Voight of all people? “If this is about Erin, I’m confused, you said it was okay if we dated.” He blabbered on foolishly.  
“When you first joined this unit what was the first thing I said to you?” Voight snapped, gripping Jay’s shirt tighter than before. The two men were closer than Jay ever wanted to be with another man.   
“I don’t know! Be honest with you so you can lie for me or something like that?” He guessed, “Or don’t date Erin?”   
Voight pointed his finger in front of Jay’s face. “So what did you do?” He asked, not expecting an answer. His voice roared like it did every time he was interrogating the scum of the city. Jay felt a tremor inch its way down his entire body he’d never been on this side of Voight’s rage.   
“I don’t know!” Jay stuttered.  
“You didn’t tell me that you were involved in an FBI investigation and now they’ve come knocking on my door because you told your girlfriend she had nothing to worry about.”  
Fear washed over Jay’s face, “What’s Erin been doing?” He asked as he now understood why Voight was so angry.  
“She’s been trying to track down Stacy Graham, and you’re going to tell her to stop it.” He warned, letting go of the good detective’s collar. Jay stepped out from Voight’s clutch and dusted himself off.   
“I told her she was dead, but she didn’t listen to me.”  
“So now you have to un-tell her.”  
Jay ran his fingers through his short hair, turning to face the wall. He angrily punched the foundation like a kid suffering through a tantrum. He scootered back around to see Voight was still watching him. “I’ll do that.” He promised before rushing past him towards the stairs.


	30. Chapter 30

“Quick come here!” Erin waved Jay over as soon as he opened the door of his apartment. He dumped his keys into the bowl by the door and shuffled himself out of his boots. She was still waving him down to the sofa she was comfortably sat on. He lowered himself down beside her and looked towards the screen she was engrossed in.   
“What are we watching?” He asked, kissing her temple gently. She tangled her fingers in between his, her eyes never leaving the screen.  
“This is the sixth time someone has auditioned with this song tonight, every performance worse than the last.” She laughed, Jay could feel her whole body shaking, he hadn’t heard her laugh like that, not for a very long time.   
“Have you eaten yet?” He asked her but she was still too focused on the 200 pound man who was belting out the lyrics to an old Shania Twain song. Erin shook her head, but Jay noticed the bag of marshmallows hidden between Erin and the arm of the sofa.   
“I’m going to go make you something.” Jay told her after she whined that he was leaving her alone. She pouted, which made him smile but he eventually made his way to the kitchen. He didn’t know how he was going to tell her the truth, not now after seeing her so happy. He almost made an excuse to leave but that wasn’t him. He wasn’t going to be that guy. He had never been a coward and he wasn’t about to start now.  
“Can you bring me a soda?” Erin called out from the other room, Jay reached into the fridge and grabbed one off the shelf for her. It was least he could do since he was about to tell her something she probably wouldn’t want to hear.  
After the conclusion of the episode of Pop Stars Erin had been watching, Jay decided it was now or never. He slid his plate of leftover nachos onto the floor beside the sofa, and watched Erin nibble at her own. The TV was switched to mute which made Erin feel nervous. “What’s going on?”   
“I haven’t been completely honest with you, and I know it’s douchey of me to say this now and for these reasons but I have no choice.”  
Erin’s face went from relaxed to mildly concerned within a matter of seconds, she ran her fingers through her hair. Her eyes never glanced higher than the coffee table in front of her. She couldn’t even bring herself to look at Jay.   
“I met Stacy Graham a while back, she was the kind of girl who liked to get things done. She was a cop and she wanted to take down this terrorist organisation called The Goodman Project. They were Americans who were convinced that the only way this country would survive would be to take out all the government leaders and run the country themselves. They’d already taken out entire political parties before they even had a chance to run, they were working their way up from the bottom. Stacy wanted in she thought that if she got on their good side and worked the system that she could overcome them all. Back then she didn’t do anything half assed, so we went undercover. I was her boyfriend someone she grew up with or at least that’s what our cover story was. The mission was to bring it down the same way they planned to take over the country, from the bottom. It was all going well until someone found out that we weren’t who we said we were. Stacy and I were tortured, they wanted to send a message to the feds, they wanted them to know they couldn’t be beaten. But they were wrong.”   
Erin looked at him with wide eyes, she could hear it in his voice how hard it was for him to open up like this. She’d known him for quite some time but he’d never opened up to her like this. Sometimes he didn’t open up to her at all even now that she was his girlfriend.  
“So when you told me she was your girlfriend...”  
“She was never my real girlfriend, it was just a cover. I didn’t want to say anything different to you because I didn’t think you needed to get involved.”  
“But what happened? You said she died.” Erin was confused, none of this was making any sense to her. She needed time to process it all before her head exploded.  
“There was an explosion, the feds were going to desperate measures to get us out of there. Stacy was hurt pretty badly, and everyone who was in the building at the time got arrested. Stacy knew that she couldn’t leave that hospital alive. Not with everyone knowing what she had on them. I was just her boyfriend, I wasn’t working with them all like she was. They sent her away, claiming she’d died. I haven’t seen her since.”  
“What about the letters? You weren’t living in Chicago, so why are they sending you things addressed to her?” Erin asked with tears forming. She tried her hardest to keep them back but she was struggling in a battle she had no chance of winning.  
“I don’t know, I’ve never opened them.” He admitted, “I thought if I didn’t let them get to me that they might as well not exist.”  
“Jay, you can’t do that!” She cried out, moving away as he tried to comfort her. The tears streamed down her face, she wiped them away with the sleeves of her sweater but it wasn’t enough. “I am your girlfriend, everything you do affects me. If some terrorists are out to get you then we need to do something about it now. You can’t just hide things from me! Do you not remember when we were kidnapped? When we were beaten and tossed out of cars? Or does that not ring any importance to you? I’m not going through that again. Do you understand?”  
He nodded. This was more than just him now. “I’m sorry.”  
She nodded, walking towards the front door.   
“Where are you going?” He asked her, following her towards the entryway of his apartment.  
“I can’t be with you right now.”


	31. Chapter 31

Jay was kicking himself. How did he let this happen? He’d spent so long wanting to be with Erin, having tried to make a life for himself here where he could forget about the Rangers and the FBI and just do some good in this world. He never meant to keep anything from Erin. Now look what’s happened?   
He didn’t know what was in those letters, he didn’t know how or who knew his real identity and his whereabouts but right now all he cared about was Erin. He grabbed his phone and started dialling Voight’s number. The sergeant answered almost straight away.

“Erin stormed out, she’s probably coming to see you.” He informed his boss, he was slipping his boots onto his feet ready to go after her.  
“I’ll call you if she visits. You need to stay indoors.”  
“What do you mean? Voight?” He asked, but Voight had already ended the call. Jay dialled Erin’s number only to hear it ringing in the next room.   
Antonio was his third call, he answered after what felt like forever. Sounding more than annoyed to being called after 11pm. “What’s going on?” He asked Jay, he figured it wasn’t a social call.  
“Erin stormed out and Voight is acting all weird. We have to go and find her.”  
“Why?”  
“Because if we don’t, the FBI might.”   
“The FBI? Are you high right now Jay?”  
Jay groaned, “No! I’m not high.”  
“Then why are you going on about the FBI?” Antonio laughed, he clearly wasn’t taking this seriously.  
“I’ll tell you when you get here.”   
Jay jumped into Antonio’s passenger side and commanded him to drive around the block. Antonio listened carefully as Jay filled him in on his past. At first he thought Jay was pulling his leg, but he soon came around.  
“If you were doing jobs with the feds, why’d you need me to get you into intelligence? Pretty sure your resume would have been enough.”  
“I wasn’t doing the cop work, I was her back up.” Jay admitted feeling a little embarrassed.  
“Oh!” Antonio chuckled, slowing down on the side of the road when he noticed a woman walking on the footpath all alone.   
“Erin?” Jay called out, the woman turned. It wasn’t her. He sighed and Antonio drove off.  
“We don’t even know which way she went, why don’t you call Voight? She’s probably gone to see him.”   
“He said he’d call me if she turned up.”  
“Maybe he forgot.”  
Jay shook his head, “If she’s there and he’s not telling me. It won’t be because he forgot. He’ll do it on purpose.”  
“Why don’t we stop by, see if she’s there.”  
“Fine, but if she’s not we aren’t sticking around for Voight to attack me again.” He muttered bitterly.

It was only a few minutes before Antonio was pulling up down Voight’s street. He parked out front and they waited there for a few minutes. Jay unbuckled his seatbelt and announced that he was going in. Antonio stayed in the car and watched his friend walk toward the house.  
Voight opened the door, “She’s here.” He told him, stepping aside. He looked over to Antonio in the car and shook his head.   
Erin was sitting at Voight’s kitchen table sipping at her mug of tea. She looked up when Jay walked in, and without a word she pulled out one of the seats for him to sit on. He grabbed hold of her other hand under the table and squeezed it gently.  
“In future, when I tell you to stay indoors, that doesn’t mean you can go outside with back up.” Voight told him, making himself perfectly clear.  
“Sorry.”  
Voight pushed the stack of envelopes in front of Jay, he handed him a letter opener but Jay ripped one open his hands.   
Erin watched nervously as he scanned the pages, skim reading the whole letter. She worried about what it could say, but Jay didn’t make a peep. He folded the letter back up and pushed it into the middle of the table.  
“Stacy wrote the letters.” He told them. “She’s worried about some of the guys who were released a few months ago.” He said quietly. Erin noticed that his face was slowly turning white. 

“Jay?” She asked, just seconds before he slammed his fists against the table. “Hey!” She yelled trying to get his attention.  
“I should have read these sooner. I thought they were someone taunting me.” His voice was filled with emotion, like he was close to breaking down.   
“Jay you didn’t know.” She whispered, grabbing hold of him by the shoulders. “Stop blaming yourself. The feds have got this.”   
He shook his head, “If they’ve got this under control then why are they here? Why are they shaken up that a cop has been snooping around their case?” He asked her, keeping his voice steady and calm. 

Voight interrupted, “Jay you remember Tony Short?” He asked him from the other side of the room. Jay looked up at his boss who was leaning against the wall beside his fridge.  
“Well yeah, he was a part of the whole thing. Stacy invited him around to our place a few times, why?”  
“His son is in prison, for the kidnapping of you and Erin.”  
Jay’s face dropped, he turned to look at Erin with fear in his eyes. “So you’re saying that what happened to us wasn’t as accidental as we thought it was?”   
Voight nodded, “Tony had his son track you down but he couldn’t touch you without you figuring out who he was. He met a few guys on the streets and they started taking hits on civilians. When Erin started investigating they could have taken her out, but they didn’t. They wanted to get to Stacy through you, Erin just got in the way.”  
“Who is this guy? Would I recognise him?”  
“He was the one calling the shots. Chances are you never came in contact with him.”

Jay could feel his whole body shake, this whole time, everything they went through was his fault. Not Erin’s. He couldn’t even turn to face her, he was the reason she couldn’t sleep through the night, and he was the reason why she was hurting.  
“Jay.” Erin tried to comfort him but it was too late. He felt like his whole world had just crashed down in front of him.  
“Jay, there was nothing you could have done.” She whispered, wrapping her arm around him. He shook his head, there was no way he could believe her.  
“How do we make sure this guy gets what he deserves?” Jay asked Voight who cracked out in a malicious smile.   
“You leave that to me.”


	32. Chapter 32

Erin couldn’t sleep, she sat up most of the night in Voight’s living room. Jay had fallen asleep hours ago on a couch nearby, she just couldn’t get her head around everything that had happened. Her head was spinning out of control. Like she couldn’t tell the difference between reality and all the lies she’d been told.  
Voight had offered her all kinds of things to make her feel better, but she rejected his bag of cookies and assortments of hot beverages. She just wasn’t in the mood. He went to bed around midnight only because she begged him to get some rest. He didn’t want to leave her alone with her thoughts but she’d insisted he let her be.   
Jay had tried to apologise and every time he opened his mouth all she could do was nod and say it was okay, even though it wasn’t okay. None of this was okay, and even though it wasn’t his fault. She couldn’t bring herself to say those words out loud. Maybe a part of her wanted to see how far he would go to gain back her trust. It was wrong but she needed to know that he wasn’t going to lie to her again.   
When morning finally broke, when the sun peaked through the windows and reminded her that the world would move on even when life was completely out of control, she shifted in her seat, her face numb from laying in the same position for hours. She walked out of Voight’s living room and escaped out of the same window she did as a teen. She wasn’t planning on going anywhere, she just needed to get out of that house. She sat down under the kitchen window and watched the sun rise into the sky, the light shone from behind buildings lighting them up like a portrait Voight had on the wall. She smiled sadly, why had everything gone so wrong?   
Jay woke up startled, he had almost forgotten about everything that had happened. In a panic he rushed to the front window of the house just to check if Antonio was still waiting for him. He sighed when he spotted the car out front, Antonio asleep in the driver’s side. He rushed out to the side walk and tapped on the window. His breath was clouding out in front of him and he couldn’t imagine how cold Antonio must have been feeling.  
He woke up and groggily peered out the window to see who’d woken him. Jay reached down to open to door. He pushed it first, and groaned. That was the worst sleep he’d had in a long time.  
“You didn’t have to stay all night.” Jay told him feeling absolutely awful.  
He shrugged, “Had nowhere else to be.”   
“Come inside, you look like you need coffee.” Jay told him, and it was true. Not only did he look like he hadn’t slept in a month, he was shaking from the cold morning air. Antonio reluctantly followed, he didn’t feel right about barging into his boss’ house unannounced but he was freezing his ass off in his car. He couldn’t think of any better alternative.   
“Where’s Erin?” He asked once they were safely inside the warm confinement of Voight’s humble abode.   
“I don’t know, we didn’t exactly cuddle last night.”  
Antonio gave him a knowing look, making himself at home at the kitchen table. Jay had made himself coffee in that very kitchen many times, too many in his opinion. But it came in handy now when he needed to stop his friend from hypothermia.   
Erin barged in through the back door, “Hey.” She grunted, nodding her head at Antonio. He held out his hand in a social salute. This was awkward even for his standards, and he was working for the man who tried to kill his (Almost) brother in law.  
She stood close to Jay who was still making coffee at the kitchen bench. “Can we talk?” He asked her, trying to keep his voice down.  
“We talked.” She said coldly.  
“I know, but I don’t want us to be like this.”  
She looked at him in disbelief. “You shouldn’t have kept this from me.”  
He nodded, that was fair. “I know that. And you know what it’s like to blame yourself for what happened. You know this is killing me.”  
“I don’t want to fight with you. I just want to know when I can trust you again.”  
“You can trust me now. I’ve told you everything.” He pointed out, really struggling to find the right words to say. He wasn’t good in these situations, he could negotiate in hostages, he could get criminals to plead guilty but doing this with Erin? There was so much more on the line. He would do anything to pick up the pieces and make everything right with her.  
“You can’t just pick and choose when you want to tell me things Jay, that’s not how relationships work.” She snapped, still keeping her voice low. Neither of them wanted Antonio to listen in to their conversations even though it was obvious that he could hear every word they were saying.  
“Erin, I’m sorry. What else can I do? I’ll do anything.” He was on his last leg, he was searching his brain trying to save this relationship. All he wanted was to make her happy again and see her smile. He wanted to be the man she deserved but all because of some stupid letters his whole life had turned upside down and for what? Some girl he hadn’t seen in years? This wasn’t real, he refused to believe this was happening at all.  
“Just give me time.” She told him, walking out of the kitchen without giving him any time to respond.  
“You really messed up this time.” Antonio commented. Jay glared at him and passed over his freshly made coffee. He didn’t need the reminded, he already knew how badly he’d messed this one up. He just hoped Voight wouldn’t kick his ass for it.


	33. Chapter 33

Voight was doing everything he could to track down the culprit, now that he knew the guys who hurt Erin were going behind bars for a long time, he needed to make sure the man who gave the order would suffer for even longer. Alvin was already out and about scouting the streets and asking his CI’s if they knew anything. Since being found out, Voight hadn’t had the street cred he used to, nobody was willing to cough up anything for him.  
He’d left the house early that morning with a strange feeling in his stomach. He’d never woken up to having Antonio, Jay and Erin all sitting at his kitchen table together and at first he thought he was enduring a bad dream. It wasn’t until they’d all stared up at him and the whiff of coffee had filled his nose did he realise it was all real.  
“What are you doing here?” He asked, aimed at Antonio but said collectively.  
“Fell asleep in my car.” Antonio explained. It’s not that he minded Antonio’s company he just didn’t want to wake up to it every morning.  
“Erin’s coming in to work today, and as for you too. I have a lot of paperwork I need done, lucky for me I have a criminal to catch, so you’ll have plenty of do while I’m busy.” He told everyone. Erin’s mouth gaped open he hadn’t informed her of this plan, he hadn’t even asked her. She was about to protest when he gave her the look. She knew that look well. The “Do what I say and I’ll let you yell at me later” look.   
She folded her hands grumpily across her chest and looked down at her feet. He smiled warmly when he met Jay’s eye. Jay who had never been on the receiving end of such a smile felt instantly drawn to look down at his hands that were folded neatly atop of the table.  
“Now, who wants breakfast?” Voight asked with a faux cheery tone.  
They all groaned, this wasn’t the way to start a morning.  
Voight looked out his office window, Jay had his head thumping against his desk, Antonio was chewing on his pen and Erin was pacing back and forth. He chuckled, that’s exactly what he wanted to see from the trio who’d awoken him a few hours prior. His sleep was cut short by the banter spread between the three of them. He’d heard Antonio tease them saying they sounded married, he had heard Erin blow up at him for joking at a time like this and he’d heard Jay plead with her to trust him again. It was enough to make him wish he’d retired years ago.  
“Erin,” Jay called out from his desk. There was a red mark on his forehead from where he’d been banging his head. She turned to look over at him and frowned. She didn’t want to be mad at him, deep down she wasn’t. She was just too stubborn to give in this easy.  
“What? You have a secret love child I don’t know about?” She quipped, walking over to his desk. She stood against his side of it, her thigh pressed against the corner. He took hold of her hand and stroked it innocently.  
“No, not that I know of.” He chuckled, leaning in closer. “Unless you want to make one with me?” She turned away, her cheeks burning up. She couldn’t hold back her smile which was why she couldn’t let him see it.  
“We could go down to the bathroom and get to work straight away.” He continued, she snapped her neck back to facing him.   
“Stop it.” She groaned, resting a hand on his shoulders. He shivered from the new contact, he’d missed her touches.  
“Okay, but do you think the desk is enough to cover that?” He asked louder so Antonio would hear.  
She slapped his face playfully, not even hard enough to leave a mark. “I’m not doing that.” She told Antonio, but he just smirked and wriggled his eyebrows at her.  
“You wonder why you’re in the dog house?” She asked Jay with a smile.  
“Lay down with dogs and you’ll get fleas detective.”   
She rolled her eyes, “Ha ha.”  
“I’m sorry.” He whispered, still stroking her fingers, she looked down at their hands and sighed deeply.  
“I know you are. I’m just...” She trailed off wondering if he would get it without words. She didn’t know how to explain it but somehow she figured he would just understand.  
He nodded, “I get it, but you can’t lock me out forever.”  
“I know, and I won’t. I just need time to heal.”  
“Can you heal and still be my girl?” He asked seriously. He wasn’t about to let her go just yet. This was the girl he was in love with. He didn’t want this to mean the end. He watched her face change hoping it was a good reaction.   
“I’m still your “girl.”” She air quoted to make fun of him.  
“See, you’re already mocking me. That’s a good sign.”  
She laughed, leaning over to kiss him. Their lips didn’t want to break apart but they soon had to let go. “Now that’s a fantasy of mine.” Jay told her, making out at work had been the top of his list for a long time.  
“Shut up.” She groaned, “We were having a moment you idiot. Why’d you have to ruin it.”  
“I’m sorry.” He laughed in embarrassment, pulling her in close again. “Can we try again?” He asked seriously and she shook her head. The smile on her face was enough for him to press their lips together again, the kiss was tender, it was filled with longing and forgiveness. Jay closed his eyes and tried to pretend that everything was okay again and Erin just wanted to kiss away the pain. When they finally broke free, Antonio muttered in the background, “So not down for that.” Causing the pair to hold back their laughter.


	34. Chapter 34

Alvin was following every lead. He’d been awoken by a phone call in the middle of the night. Voight hadn’t called him like that in a long time. He’d been digging around all day coming up dry. It was his instruction to do everything he could to find Stacy Graham. Voight didn’t tell him much, only that this girl was involved with the kidnapping somehow.   
He rolled up in an alleyway, having received a phone call promising him the information he needed. He looked in his rear view mirror, still slightly sceptical by the whole thing. He had Ruzek and Atwater nearby in case something went sour.   
A man approached the car, indicating Alvin to roll down the car window. There were no words spoken, just a folder dropped into his lap. Alvin watched as the man quickly disappeared. He opened the folder to the first page and whistled, this was government issued information. Whoever that man was, he wasn’t authorised to give out these documents. He slowly reversed his car out of the street. He needed to get this to Voight and quick.  
“That was quick.” Ruzek radioed into Alvin.   
“Sometimes it works out that way, if you’re lucky.” Alvin replied, speeding off into the direction of the precinct.   
Erin had had enough. She was over sitting in an office she no longer worked at, she was sick of being confined between those walls. She poked her head into Voight’s office and announced that she was taking a lunch break and that Jay was joining her. He looked at her with his usual disapproval. He didn’t like that idea at all.   
“There are people out there who want you killed for this.” He reminded her, she shrugged.  
“I’ll take my chances.” She scoffed, clearly unimpressed by his parental protectiveness.   
“Erin.” He sighed. All he wanted was for her to take this seriously.  
“Hank, they’ve already tried to kill me and they failed. I’m a big girl. Jay will be there, we’re just going down the street.”  
“Take Burgess with you.” He instructed. His tone suggested that this was an order rather than a question.  
Erin stomped her foot gently as she walked out. This was ridiculous, if Jay and her couldn’t take an attacker. What help would Kim be? What was stopping them hurting her too? She grabbed Jay’s hand and pulled him down the stairs.   
“Are we all clear?” He asked as they walked down the stairs together. She hadn’t exactly told Voight their real plans. She thought he’d be more cooperative.  
“No, but we’re not the criminals. He can’t lock us in a police station.”   
Jay chuckled, she hadn’t told him of course. He was too excited by what they were about to do to give her slack for it though.  
“He’s going to be pissed at us.”   
“We’re just going home for some alone time.” She reminded him, stroking his arm softly, causing the hairs on his arms to perk right up. She didn’t know what he had expected her to tell Voight. It’s not like she was going to tell him that they were going home to have sex. He would have definitely said no to that.  
By the time they were redressing, Erin thought for sure that Voight had sent out a search party. She wasn’t exactly far off she learnt by looking out the bedroom window. “That bastard.” She grumbled, causing a half naked Jay to question what she was talking about.  
“He sent officers to tail us.” She explained, buttoning up her jeans.   
Jay rolled over to her side of the bed and followed her eyes. “Well I’m sure they’ll be happy to report that we’re fine.” He chuckled, wrapping his arms around her body. She held onto him for comfort, it was nice to be back in his arms again.   
“You know it would be just our luck if we were attacked right now.” She muttered, she was even starting to believe that if they were attacked right then and there she wouldn’t even be surprised.  
“Don’t say that.” He groaned, letting go of her. Instead he decided it was time to put his shirt back on. She watched as he pulled it over his head and smiled to herself. If all else failed, at least she had a hot boyfriend, right?  
“We should get back.”   
Alvin dropped the folder onto his boss’ desk. Voight raised an eyebrow. He wasn’t expecting that Alvin would find anything this soon. He rolled closer to his desk and opened to the very first page. He was impressed, his mind flicked to all kinds of possibilities. He didn’t know what Alvin did to get such a document but he was impressed regardless. He looked up at the man who nodded his head, Voight smiled at him before speaking. “This is exactly what we needed.”   
Alvin knew this of course, he wasn’t used to praise from Voight so all he could do was nod again stupidly, and exited the office before anything else came of it.   
Erin and Jay were just walking back in, Voight signalled for them to both come into his office and close the door. Jay offered to stand, while Erin sat down in front of the desk.  
Voight swung the document around and pushed it towards the young couple.  
“Hope this won’t put a dent in your relationship but it looks like Jay will be having a visitor very soon.”  
Erin turned to look at her boyfriend who looked like he’d seen a ghost. In a way he had, Stacy was someone he hoped he’d never see again and now she was about to turn his life upside down all over again. He didn’t know if he was prepared to come across the girl who was responsible for everything that’s gone wrong in his life. He looked over at Voight who wore one of those proud smiles of his. This was a bad idea, he could feel it.  
He didn’t even listen to what Voight had to say next before barging out of his office, listening to Erin call out his name from behind him. He ran down the stairs and didn’t look back.


	35. Chapter 35

When Jay met Stacy he couldn’t believe his luck. He’d only just left school and was trying to figure out what he wanted to do with his life. He wanted to do something meaningful and that’s exactly what Stacy was going to do for him. He was nineteen years old when she came looking for him. She wanted his help. Jay had always been intrigued by this woman who had flirted with him that night after prom, when Allie had gone to the bathroom during the after party at classmate’s family bar. 

The woman who happened to be the first cop he’d ever trusted. Jay was nervous about seeing her again. They hadn’t exactly left things on the greatest terms. The last time he saw her had been rough, she was carted away in an ambulance and he thought she was seriously injured. She hadn’t even told him that she was okay. He’d thought that she’d died. And he knew that’s how the protection program worked but he was in love with the woman. He thought she’d at least tell him that she was alive. It was true that they weren’t a real couple, but she always knew about the crush he had on her. She used it against him more than once. She was the one who chose him to play her boyfriend because she knew he would be convincing. He was always so smitten with her. It was her idea to sleep with him while they were undercover, it was her idea to also sleep with other men to get her job done. Men who were now in prison. 

He’d be lying if he said he wasn’t worried that she’d capture him under her spell again. He just couldn’t work out why she had to be revived after all this time. He just didn’t see the point. He couldn’t open up to Erin about this, he knew it was risky keeping more secrets from her but this was something he couldn’t share. It was just too humiliating. He didn’t want to be the coward in this situation. He didn’t want Erin or anyone else to see him that way. He just didn’t know how this was going to go down. 

After he’d rushed off, Erin had followed him of course. He was sitting outside on the entryway steps looking out at the road. She sat down beside him but didn’t speak. He could feel her presence, and see her legs from the corners of his eyes. “I’m sorry.” He told her, and he meant it. He was sorry about everything. He’d never meant for this to happen.   
“Don’t be.” She whispered, resting her head against his shoulder. She didn’t love public displays of affection but this was a moment that she found it appropriate. She could see that Jay needed to feel loved and supported and that’s exactly how she was going to make him feel. Dragging up the past was always scary, she knew that better than anyone. This wasn’t going to be easy for him, and she wanted him to feel like at least he had her through all of it. 

“She’s going to probably say some things about me, but she knew a different guy. I wasn’t the same back then.” He told her, he couldn’t bring himself to look at her.   
“I get it.”   
“She’s a manipulator; don’t let her get under your skin.”  
“I won’t.”  
He turned around and faced his girlfriend, he didn’t know why she was being so supportive. He hadn’t exactly given her a reason to be. He was a dog, he was a lying dog and he wanted her to at least get mad at him.   
“I slept with her years ago.”  
“Jay, you don’t have to do this.”  
“I do, there are things she might say that are best coming from me.”  
She nodded, that was fair enough. “Okay hit me with it.”  
“I was just a kid when we met. She knew I wanted to do something meaningful with my life so she coax me into being a cop.”  
“I thought you were a ranger first.”   
“I was, but in the beginning. I went undercover with her and I got this taste for it. I was stupid thinking it was all like the movies. That’s how she made it seem. She was grooming me, taking advantage. I was like in love with her or something.”   
“We’re all stupid when we’re young.”   
“That’s true.” He said with a relieved smile, for some reason that short statement really spoke to him.   
“Erin, you and I have been through a lot.”   
She nodded, “We have.”  
“So once this is all over, I want to take you somewhere, just to get out of Chicago for a break.”  
“Is this your way of asking me to go on a holiday with you?” She asked him, raising her eyebrow.  
“I guess so?”   
“Oh honey, you can ask better than that.” She mocked.  
“Do you want to take a trip with me?”  
“Depends where we’re going...” She feigned having interest, looking intently at her fingernails.   
“Anywhere you want to go.”   
“Anywhere?” She lit up, causing him to laugh. She was playing with him, he knew this but it was still nice to see her all perked up again. It didn’t happen too often lately, he missed it.   
“Yes smarty pants.” He scoffed, wrapping his arm around her protectively.   
She melted into his touch, letting herself fall into his embrace even though they were outside for the whole world to see.   
“I’d go anywhere.” She whispered.   
Jay smiled to himself, they’d come so far.


	36. Chapter 36

Stacy Graham was beautiful and that was an understatement. She walked into the intelligence unit like she was walking down the catwalk. Jay covered his face with his hands. This was not happening. He decided. 

She gave an award winning smile as she neared him. "Jay! My oh my you look so grown up." She scrawled in her faux southern accent. Apparent that's where she's been all this time, in the middle of Alabama living her life as a southern belle. 

Jay looked up at her and gave her a fake smile. "You too." He told her, although his eyes were technically looking past her shoulder. 

Erin sat uncomfortably beside her boyfriend, she didn't know what she had expected but this wasn't it at all. Stacy, or Shirley as she was now known as, was the kind of girl you saw in the movies. Her blonde hair was perfectly curled, it even bounced every time her heels left the floor her lips were coloured blood red, her white teeth literally shined and Erin couldn't help but feel self conscious despite the look of distaste on Jay's face beside her. 

"Oh don't mind me, I haven't had a chance to shower since the plane." Stacy told her, fixing her hair in the reflection of the windows. 

"Oh by all means go ahead." Erin said in a still politeness. 

Voight closed the door to his office and closed the blinds interrupting Stacy's beauty routine. 

"OOO! I'd better take a seat." She giggled, moving into the spot beside Jay. He groaned internally, let the games begin. 

Voight looked between the pair a rough laugh let his lips. Jay wasn't impressed, there was absolutely nothing funny about this situation. Nothing at all. 

"The two of you passed as a couple? In what universe?" He chuckled, trying to restrain himself. 

Jay glared at his boss who was sitting across from him, he didn't dare look at Erin, she was probably as displeased as he was by all of this. 

Voight held up his hand in retreat and said he was sorry. He looked over at Stacy again, this was all down to her now. 

"So, I hear my former lover is not too please with you Jay." She said in her twang. She looked over at him with her lips pursed and her hand running through her hair. Something Jay used to enjoy. 

Jay was so close to yelling at her, to tell her to cut it out with the fake accent and the ludicrous charm, but he knew that wouldn't help anything. 

"Yeah, and what are you going to do about it?" Jay asked flatly. He wasn't going to play her game. He'd played it a long time ago but not today. 

She ignored his tone and smiled. "Well he thinks I'm dead, so I'm not sure what you brought me here for Jay." 

Jay rolled his eyes, she thought he was the one who summoned her? She wished. 

"Ask Voight. He's the one who asked you here. Not me." Jay snapped, adding a smile to soften the mood in the room. It was already awkward enough. 

Stacy looked over to the older man and sighed, "Poor thing, he's still a bit cranky at me for leaving town all those years ago." She tapped her manicured nails against the table top, Erin shivered by the sound. 

Voight was still amused by all of this, which pissed both Jay and Erin off. This wasn't a game, this was serious. 

Erin spoke up this time. "The past is in the past so if you don't have any solutions then don't bother speaking up." She snapped, Jay was startled by his girlfriend's tone he hadn't seen a jealous side of her before. At least not like this. 

"I'm here to help." Stacy assured Erin, she was trying to lock eyes with the younger woman but Jay made sure his body was in the way of the two women. 

"What are we going to do Sarg?" Jay asked Voight directly. He wasn't going to play any games with Stacy. He didn't want to be around her any longer than he had to be. 

"Stacy here is going to do some work for us." Voight said proudly, looking directly into Jay's eyes to see his response. 

"Great. So can the rest of us go home?" Jay asked feeling impatient, there was no point of him being here right? Besides Voight's personal amusement. 

Voight glanced over at Alvin who was standing at the door, he nodded his head. "You and Erin should get some rest. We'll meet up again in the morning." 

Erin rose to her feet and Jay followed. He took her arm as they left Voight's office. He was in a bad mood she could feel it. But she wasn't exactly in the best mood either. 

"She's a treat." Erin finally spoke once they were safely in Jay's car. She buckled up her seatbelt and awkwardly glanced towards her boyfriend. This was probably one of the more unpleasant nights she'd experienced, excluding those nights during the kidnapping of course. 

"I'm really sorry that you had to meet her." He sounded sorry but Erin didn't know how she felt. 

"What was she like when you loved her?" She asked, keeping her eyes on the road. 

"She was a little easier to deal with back then." Believe it or not he was telling the truth. 

Erin chuckled. "What's with the accent?" 

Jay laughed. "Honestly I have no idea. It doesn't suit her at all." 

"It was a bit much..." Erin said plainly, the radio was playing soft music in the background of their conversation it was a nice distraction. 

"She's not going to get between us though. I'll make sure of that." 

"Mhm" Erin didn't know exactly what he meant by that. It seemed like a strange thing to say, she thought back to their encounter with Stacy trying to think of anything she missed but she came up with a blank. Why would Jay say that? Was there something she was missing? 

"Let's just see how Voight plays this because I honestly have no idea where his head's at." 

"Do we ever?" 

When Jay’s head hit his pillow that evening his mind went mysterious places. Memories he had consciously forgotten came flooding back into his mind. Stacy had come home from work one day long ago, a memory Jay had long since forgotten. 

Young Jay had been working out all afternoon in the garage gym he’d made for himself. Stacy was home later than usual, which was why it surprised him when he heard her high hells pattering across the concrete floor. He looked up from the bench he was laid upon, sweat dripped down his shirtless body. Stacy smiled down at him, her D sized breasts covered half her face from his view. 

“How was work?” He asked her as he sat up. Jay was smitten with this woman to say the least. She gave him a giant smile and handed him a towel.

“It’s been a while Jay but we’re getting closer to taking the bastards all down.” She told him proudly, Jay followed her back into their house, he had wiped away most of the sweat that covered his toned body. 

Stacy took one look at him and ran her fingers up and down his abs, her fingernails tickled as they ghosted down his skin. He caught her fingers with his hand and looked into her eyes. “So we’ll be going home soon?” 

She nodded, locking her eyes on his gaze. “Real soon.” She purred. 

Jay felt his knees weaken, she had that affect on him after all. He let go of her hand slowly but she didn’t move it from his skin.   
“When we first met you had those chicken legs and scrawny arms, now look at you. You’re real man Jay.” She whispered, walking closer towards the younger man. Jay didn’t move, he was frozen. He’d spent so long waiting for her to finally see him this way, and now that it was happening he could hardly move. He cursed himself, this was truly embarrassing.   
“You know how much I love real men.” She cooed, pressing her lips against his neck, her fingers trailed down his torso, landing on the waistband of his gym shorts.

Present Jay’s eyes blinked open, his bedroom was pitch black and he could hear Erin breathing beside him. He choked back the memories and shook himself out of it. Why was he going back to that day? Why couldn’t his mind just leave him alone? Stacy was bad news, and no matter what had happened in past. He was never going to trust her again.


	37. Chapter 37

Erin had nothing to worry about. She decided. Everything was in the past, it didn't matter that she's heard Jay say her name in his sleep. The way he'd acted around her last night was enough assurance she needed. 

"Time to face the music." She told him the next morning. They'd just finished breakfast and we're heading to the car. It was like she was unofficially back in the intelligence unit now, and although she had been enjoying her time off she was glad to be back. Especially now that Jay's ex was in town. 

Jay chomped on his apple and grabbed his car keys. It was now understood between the pair that he drove when it was in their personal time, and she drove while they were at work. That way she could still feel authority and he could still feel like a man or at least that's how he described it. 

“Are you sure you’re okay? Jay asked as he switched off all the lights in his apartment. Erin looked at him sincerely and nodded her head. 

“You know what? I think I am.” She assured him, taking his hand. 

 

Voight had a plan; he just didn't know how to execute it yet. Stacy was staying in his spare room, which of course caused conflict with Erin. But he was in control of the situation and Erin being cranky with him was something he was willing to live with. 

"How'd you sleep?" Voight asked her once she'd emerged from the room she was staying in. Her hair was a fountain of blonde curls, although they'd fallen since he's last seen her. Even in the morning she still looked near perfect. 

"Like a log." She smiled, sitting herself down beside him at the kitchen table. 

Voight's arms were crossed behind his chest and a smile pressed gently against his lips. 

"I'm glad." He told her, sliding a plate of waffles over to her. 

"My, aren't you hospitable." She giggled, Voight watched her. He was having a hard time believing that this woman had ever been a cop, especially the type of cop her reputation lead him to believe of her. She was either playing a part, or somewhere along the line someone had got it wrong. 

"That I am." He agreed. 

"So, Sergeant. I'm no fool, you're buttering me up. You want something from me don't ya?" She asked between bites. 

Voight smirked, "You're perceptive." 

"My only question is, what is it you want me to do for you?" She questioned, keeping eye contact as she swallowed her last bite. Voight was good at this game; he didn't let his eyes leave her sight. 

"A better question would be, want don't I want you to do for me." 

She chuckled, “Oh well in that case...” 

Jay patted Erin’s knee on their drive. She was nervous, he could tell. He just didn’t know how to deal with it. This whole thing was insane. It was like someone held him upside down and shook all his memories out of him just to make his life hell. 

She squeezed his hand gently and assured him that she was fine. Really she was, it was just a little strange for her. She’d never felt like this about a man before, never had a need to feel insecure or jealous.

They walked into work hand in hand, people stared but Jay didn’t care. He wasn’t letting go for anybody. Even though Platt gave him a look of total terror, he walked up those stairs proudly.

“Detectives, uh, Sergeant Voight is waiting for you in his office.” Nadia told them as they walked in the door.

“Thanks.” Erin smiled, reaching over to pat Nadia’s arm gently. Nadia smiled and turned back to her work. She didn’t know what was going on but for some reason she thought that was for the best. 

Erin looked up at Jay and smiled, but he could see it in her eyes that she was only putting on a brave face.  
“Hey it’ll be okay, let’s just see what his plan is.”

She nodded, taking the lead. Jay followed behind her, so it was his responsibility to close the door behind them. Voight motioned for the pair to sit down, and to Erin’s delight the three of them were the only ones in the room.

“So, Stacy has agreed to pay a little visit to her old friend in prison.”  
Erin nodded, this was good news right?

“So, where do we go from here?” Jay asked, still confused by it all. This made no sense. 

“We’re going to sit on our asses until he tells us how high to jump.” Erin filled him in with a bitter tone. She was sick of sitting around and feeling useless. She hated that some girl from Jays past could swoop in and change everything.

“What am I even doing here Hank?” She asked, hurt by everything. 

“You’re here because it’s your job.” He told her, locking eyes on her.

“Why does it feel like all you want to do is babysit me?” 

Jay remained silent. This wasn’t his argument to win. 

“Erin..” Hank sighed, this wasn’t easy for him either.

“Just do what you have to do. I’ll be here, but don’t expect me to be happy about it.” She told him, rushing out the door. 

Jay watched through the window as Erin wandered over to Nadia, the two girls embraced and it looked like they were starting a casual conversation. He hoped it would be enough to lower her stress. She deserved that at least.

“What do I need to do?” He asked Voight, turning back to his boss with a school boy smile.

“Give me a few hours, I’ll let you know.”


	38. Chapter 38

Erin shook her head. "No, absolutely not." She disagreed. Voight had just told her the plan and she couldn't be more displeased if she tried. Voight didn’t like the strain in their current relationship, but he knew they would get past it once this had all blown over.

"Erin." Jay tried to reason with her but she wasn't having it. She was going off her rocker, and he didn’t know what to do to calm her down. He’d known her long enough to realise that there was little he could do to change her mind once it had been made. This was a clear example. She had already slammed her fist down against Voight’s desk, twice.

"There is no way that you're sending Jay into prison. Are you crazy? He helped throw half of them in there!" Her voice seemed to increase volume after every word she spoke. If Jay wasn’t the one she was trying to protect he would have almost been scared of her by now.

"Erin, I can take care of myself. I'll be fine." Jay assured her, placing a gentle hand on her shoulder. She shrugged his hand off, and he took that as a hint. 

That was until she turned around, looked to him shaking her head. "Are you forgetting what they did to you a few months ago? Not to mention a whole lot of other criminals that you've sent to prison over the years. You're a cop Jay. Not superman." He cleared his throat. She had a point, but of course hers wasn’t the only point that mattered. 

"What other choice do we have?" He asked softly, beginning to doubt the plan himself. It’s not that he didn’t trust Voight, okay maybe he didn’t. He just didn’t trust that Voight knew what the outcome would be. Tony was unpredictable at the best of times. There was no way of knowing whether this would end in their favour. 

"Any other choice but this one." She said flatly. This was not happening. She’d almost lost Jay once, and that was before she even realised how much he meant to her, how much she need him, how much she loved him. 

The thing was, Stacy had already talked to Jay privately. She's voiced to him her own concerns about the plan. Voight was sending Jay inside to convince Tony that Stacy wanted to see him. Jay didn't know if he would get anywhere near Tony or if he'd even trust him. After all the man thinks Stacy is dead.

"Why can't you just send in Alvin?" Erin asked Voight. Voight didn't even have a chance to answer before Jay stepped in. 

"Alvin? He's put away a lot more people than I have. Besides Tony doesn't know Alvin it could take months or even years before he trusts him." 

"If something happens to him it's all on you." Erin spat bitterly towards Voight. He understood how she felt, but he was the boss and it was his call. She could get mad at him later, he wasn't asking for permission. 

Jay followed Erin who had since stormed out of Voight's office. He followed her into the break room where she was now angrily pouring herself a coffee. "Careful." He warned as she almost spilt the scolding liquid over herself. 

"Careful?" She snorted. "Jay, I can handle spilt coffee. But can you handle going into prison?" She asked, turning to face him. Fear was all Jay could see. Fear in her eyes, fear in the way she stood and the sound of her voice echoing in his ears. 

"It will only be a few days, I'll survive." He promised, taking the coffee pot from her grasp. Her doubt was becoming his, her distrust for this plan was making him nervous, but he knew he had to hide it.

She folded her arms over her chest and sighed deeply. "Every good person I know ends up getting hurt. I don't want you to end up the same." Her voice shook, she couldn’t hold back her pain. She refused to let him go, to release him from her safe warm grip. She didn’t think she’d be able to sleep through the night without him. 

"After everything we have been through together, you know I'm a survivor. We both are." He reminded her, pressing a kiss to her forehead. He didn't want her to worry, he was worrying enough as it was. But he wasn't going to let her know that. 

"Why does she have to be involved anyway." He heard her muttering. This made him smile, was she seriously jealous of Stacy? Stacy was a lot of things, but a threat to their relationship wasn’t one of them. 

"Don't worry, you'll be glad to know that my job description includes a lot of Stacy hating." He tried to perk her back up. He was secretly glad that he didn’t have to interact with his ex. This gave him a chance to get some of the nasty thoughts he had regarding her off his chest, things he’d held onto for so long.

A smile curled over her lips, she wrapped her tiny arms around his waist. "I'm scared Jay." She admitted, pressing her chin against his shoulder, a comfort for both of them.

"It's okay to be scared but I'll be fine." He assured her, he could feel her pressing herself tighter against him. He didn't mind this of course, he just didn't like how badly this was affecting her. He was scared that he'd get hurt and she wouldn't be able to handle it. Just like last time. 

"You'd better be." She whispered, "I'll kick your ass if you're not." She added and she meant it. He was going to be in big trouble if he ended up in that hospital again.


	39. Chapter 39

Jay didn’t like the sounds that were coming from down the hall. He ankles were chained together as he walked in a chained line of other new prisoners. It hadn’t been the best ride of his life but somehow he figured the drive was the least of his worries. 

Erin hadn’t wanted to let him go but she knew she had to. It broke a piece of his heart as Voight pulled her away from him earlier that morning. She was saying goodbye to sense of security, her new found protection. He knew this would be hard on her, but he was willing to do anything to bring justice for what had happened to them all those months ago.   
He replayed Voight’s last words to him through him mind as he tried hard to block out the sounds of a prison riot. His heart thrashed against his chest. He’d been in many situations, and seen many things but prison still scared the hell out of him. The thrill of taking down a criminal only existed outside this building, as soon as you were inside its walls you were in hell. 

“Just remember, Tony probably won’t be happy to see you. You’re going to need to gain his trust as quickly as you can.” Voight warned him just as he was taken away. In order for him to become a prisoner he had to be treated like one, something that was dismissed off the list of things he didn’t want to think about ever again. He focused on that conversation as he was unshackled and re-dressed. He couldn’t let his mind wander anywhere else without hating himself for getting into the situation to begin with. 

Jay’s eyes widened when he walked past the eating hall. Men of all shapes and sizes, of every nationality he could think of. It was like high school all over again, they were sitting in groups, divided by race, divided by loyalties. Jay knew he was going to have to learn how to fit in and fast, because if he didn’t. He wasn’t going to survive. 

“Hey new guy!” A voice came from behind him. Jay swung around instinctively, he wasn’t sure how he was supposed to act in here. Alvin’s prison crash course didn’t cover absolutely everything. 

He was greeted with a punch to the face, smack in between his eyes. He caught himself before falling completely backwards. He looked his attacker square in the eye and puffed out his chest. “Thanks for the welcome.” He said icily, scanning the faces of the men who had gathered to see the show.   
“You’ve been here five minutes and already you’re Mr tough guy?” The puncher asked him, taking a step closer. The two of them stood chest to chest, as the crowd around him started chanting, willing them to fight. That would have been fine, if they were all chanting in unison. But this was prison, of course they weren’t. Jay could hear an assortment of “Kick his ass,” along with “Cut his throat.” And it was enough to send a slither of worry through him. 

Prison wasn’t like the outside, out there we have criminal’s, they get caught you send them away. Prison? It’s filled with the lowest of the lows, the scum of the earth and they’re all there egging each other on, itching for a fight. Jay knew that if they found out that he was a cop, he was as good as dead.   
“Just trying to prove I’m worth your time.” He said carefully, stepping backward. It was bad enough that he was in prison, but he’d literally just walked in the door and was already in a fight? That wasn’t part of the plan. If Erin could see him now, Voight would have to watch his back.   
Erin was sat across from Stacy, this was her part of the plan. She didn’t like it one bit. “So, what are you going to tell Tony?” She asked, she had been teaching Stacy exactly what to say for the past hour and the blonde wasn’t exactly making it easy on her. 

“I was given a deal, if I work with the police they’ll give me a new identity and I wouldn’t go to prison.” She said behind clenched teeth. Being in the same room as Jay’s new lover was exactly last on her list of things she wouldn’t be caught dead doing today. Voight had other plans, seems like he wanted her to be caught alive doing it.  
Erin groaned, “Stacy, you have got to lose the accent.” 

“I can’t help the way I pronounce myself detective.” Stacy responded in an unsettling tone.   
“Lose the damn accent or I swear to g-...” Erin shouted before she was rudely interrupted.

Voight tapped violently on the two way mirror, it was his code for “Calm the hell down or I’ll take you off this case completely.” This made Erin more than slightly annoyed with him. It was his idea to put the two of them in the same room together. And everyone involved knew that Stacy was good at her job, so why the hell was this hick giving her just a hard time? The answer was obvious, there was only one reason why Stacy was less than helpful, and that exact reason was why Erin didn’t trust her.  
She raised her middle finger toward the glass and gave Stacy one of her best fake smiles she could come up with.   
“Let’s start this again.” She said sweetly, folding her hands in a girlish way. 

Stacy returned to fake smile and continued to twirl her finger through her blonde curls.   
“I’m going to go and get one of our detectives to help you role play.” Erin announced, leaping out of her seat and towards the door.   
“Kinky.” Stacy muttered to herself once Erin had safely left her alone. Voight chuckled to himself. After all he was watching the entire scene play out in front of him. She wasn’t stupid. She was playing up for him on purpose. Little did she know that’s exactly what he expected of her. He wanted Erin off this case, even if annoying her out of the job was the only way to do it.


	40. Chapter 40

Jay didn’t enjoy lights out, it was already the first evening of being in Prison and he still hadn’t found Tony. It all seemed a bit suspicious to him, but he tried not to let his mind wonder into that. Sharing a cell with a felon wasn’t exactly his idea of a fun sleepover. His cellmate was named Mikey, and from what Jay had gathered, he didn’t talk much.   
There was a part of him who didn’t want to close his eyes at all. He was scared of being attacked in the middle of the night, even though the door of his cell was all locked up. He didn’t trust Mikey, he didn’t trust anyone. 

Jay stared at the ceiling for hours, he didn’t feel like sleeping, he didn’t feel like doing anything at all. A part of him was scared and the other parts determined. He just needed to find Tony and quickly. The longer he was in here, the longer Stacy was out there. 

Stacy was prancing around Voight’s house wearing virtually nothing. Voight knew she was trying to tempt him, so he played along. She kept bumping into him, and bending over to pick things up. He had to keep himself from laughing from time to time since she was making a huge fool out of herself. 

“You know Jay and I were great together.” She told him at the dinner table that evening. She was pressed up against the table to reveal her prominent cleavage. 

“That’s great.” He said simply, returning his attention back to his dinner plate. 

“I remember this one time when he had me against the kitchen table and we went at it like rabbits.” She giggled at the memory.   
“I’m sure he was great, but if you don’t mind. I’d like to keep my food down tonight.”  
Stacy chuckled, “My bad, sometimes I don’t even know what I’m saying until I’ve said it.” She apologised, raking her fork through her mashed potatoes.   
She was slightly embarrassed, usually her advances weren’t blatantly shot down so fast, but it had been years since she had tried to flirt with a cop, she was out of practise. Jay had always been so easy to fall for her charm, it was flattering. All she wanted to feel loved and appreciated, and her boobs usually granted her that attention.  
When Jay woke up the next morning he was shocked that he’d actually fallen asleep, he glanced over at Mikey who was sitting on the toilet in the corner of their cell. He cursed under his breath. This wasn’t what he signed up for. He closed his eyes quickly, not wanting to be accused of watching his cell mate using the can. That could result in unwanted trouble. 

Jay was nervous about how his first official day would pan out, he had no contact with the outside world and only a few of the staff knew he was actually a cop. He didn’t know how long he’d be able to stand being treated like a scumbag. 

He walked across the yard later that morning after scaling the entire perimeter, he’d spotted a telephone outside and made his way over. He needed to talk to Erin, he knew Voight wouldn’t be happy with him but he needed to hear her voice. 

When she answered he felt a rush of relief, she sounded tired like she hadn’t slept. “I know I shouldn’t be calling but I just wanted to make sure that you’re okay.” He breathed into the receiver. He could hear her on the other end of the line, she was sighing. He just couldn’t tell if it was a good sigh or a bad.   
“Jay, just do your job and come home okay?” She told him, feeling emotions flood her mind. She hadn’t slept all night, just tossed and turned for most of it.   
“I will.” He promised her, looking around to see who was close enough to listen to him.   
“Stacy is coming to visit you tomorrow, word is Tony’s having a visitor at the same time. Try and sit near him okay?”  
“Yeah okay babe.” He said in a strange voice, Jay didn’t know how prisoners were supposed to talk to their loved ones on the phone, but right now he had to get off the line.   
“Are you not alone?” Erin asked him, considering he never called her pet names outside of the bedroom.   
“I miss you too.” Jay answered, bowing his head into the phone box as other men started to line up behind him. Something told him that he shouldn’t keep them waiting for long. “I’ve gotta go, see you tomorrow Stace.”   
He hated that he had to call her that, but if any of those guys were friends with Tony. It was better that they didn’t know Erin’s name, and with Stacy making her appearance the next day. He could at least make his story believable.   
Erin ended the call and placed her phone down on her desk. For some reason being called that made her skin crawl. She knew why he had done it, but that blonde bimbo was slutting her way through the unit. Erin had already caught her flirting with Antonio and Atwater and now she was hunched over Ruzek as he explained the computer software. She shuddered at the thought of her sleeping in the same house as Voight. If he’d gone there with her, she would kill him.   
“Jay’s ready for tomorrow.” She announced to nobody in particular and grabbed her jacket. She needed to get some air.


	41. Chapter 41

Jay walked slowly down the lonely hallway, a guard in toe. He was on his way to his visitation, on his way to the plan. Stacy’s warm greeting face met his glance as soon as he entered the room. Her lipstick was bright red and her hair was as straight just like she used to wear it when he knew her. He glanced nervously to his left, a man he’d seen long ago was watching the pair of them.   
Jay sat down across from Stacy, as he tried to recall his rehearsed dialogue. She smiled and rested her hands against the glass that separated the pair of them.  
He didn’t smile back, he reached for the phone and pressed it against his ear, Stacy did the same.   
“You look good in that jumpsuit.” She told him with a sickly smile.  
Jay glared at her through the clear screen. “No thanks to you, putting me in here.” He snapped, making sure his voice was loud enough for Tony to hear.   
Stacy pulled back, startled. Jay had never raised his voice at her before, and even now that she was prepared for it to happen. She hated the way it made her feel.  
“Jay, you know I never meant for any of this to happen.” She defended, looking over at Tony through the corner of her eye. He was watching them and it made her nervous. She held her hand in front of her phone and tried to be discreet. “I feel like we’re being watched.”   
Jay pounded his fist against the metal ledge of his booth. “You stupid bitch.” He exclaimed, knowing Tony was watching them intently. He didn’t care if he was hurting her feelings, he was going through with the plan he’d made with Voight whether it hurt her or not. “You put me here you whore!” He leaped from his chair and motioned for the guard to escort him out of there, he took one last menacing look at Stacy’s hurt expression and lunged towards the glass. “You’d better watch your back, because when I get out of here I’m going to kill you.” He yelled at her, pounding against the glass as two guards tried to hold him back. Jay knew he had over sold himself, but he was beyond caring about the woman who sat on the other side of that glass with tears streaming down her face, he didn’t care about her at all.   
Stacy watched as Jay was taken away, tears dripped down her pretty made up face, she sniffed and wiped away the mascara that had leaked all over her face. Her heart was pounded out of her chest and her head ached, for some reason she knew Jay wasn’t acting she believed he meant every word. She adjusted her skirt and stood to her feet, walking towards the end of the hall. She’d almost forgotten the last part of the plan, until it sparked her that she needed to acknowledge Tony, she turned her face as she walked past his window, the man she once knew stared at her and she gaped back at him. “Tony?” She asked, as a guard walked over to escort her out of the room leaving Tony in awe.  
Voight looked at Erin, they were outside in his car waiting for Stacy. They’d heard every word considering the wire Stacy had padded into her bra. Erin thought she wouldn’t care about her, that whatever Jay spat at her wouldn’t matter but she couldn’t help but feel sorry for her. Those words hurt her to listen to, so she couldn’t imagine how shaken up she would have felt if Jay had been screaming them at her.   
When she spotted the blonde walking out of the prison entrance, she patted Voight’s knee and opened her door. “You did good.” She told her, nodding her head in approval. Stacy gave her a small delicate smile; she was still pretty shaken up by the whole situation so Erin didn’t say anything else. It wasn’t the time or the place.  
Stacy kept replaying Jay’s words in her mind, he was right. It was her fault that he was in there. 

 

Jay hadn’t made any friends and he was silently glad about that. He was a cop, it was in his blood to find difficulty in befriending the criminals in this town. He didn’t like the way the other prisoners sized him up, so he kept his head down at all costs, just praying that his actions wouldn’t be interpreted as him snubbing them out.   
He didn’t even look up when a man slid into the seat beside him, he kept his mind on the food in front of him and concentrated on surviving the rest of his stay. That was until the man had a voice, one that was awfully familiar.   
“Jay Halstead, it’s been years.” Tony said with his same gruff voice that Jay had hated years before.  
He looked across at the older man before looking back down at his food. “What do you want?”   
“I couldn’t help but over hear you and your little girlfriend earlier.” Tony leaned in as he spoke, as if their conversation were top secret.   
“She’s not my girlfriend.”   
“You finally grew some balls.” Tony chuckled, he’d always thought Jay was weak, always letting Stacy get the best of him, always following alongside her like a lost puppy. Today had changed all of that.   
“That bitch betrayed me, just like she betrayed you.” Jay said angrily. He needed Tony to believe that Jay hated Stacy as much as he did. He needed Tony to play right into their plan.   
“I know how we teach her a lesson or two.” Tony mumbled, leaning in close to Jay’s ear.   
“Yeah? How?” Jay whispered, playing along.  
“I know a few guys on the outside who would be willing to get rid of her for a price.” Tony wore a sly smile across his face, one that made Jay want to shudder. This was exactly what he needed and Tony didn’t even know that he was playing straight into their game.   
“I’m in.”


	42. Chapter 42

Erin was gripping her coffee mug a little too tightly when Stacy walked in. Erin hadn’t seen the woman look like this before, her hair was pulled back in a loose pony tail and her body was host to a baggy sweat shirt and sweat pants. She gave Erin a small smile and walked past her to the coffee pot. 

“How’re ya feeling?” Erin asked her after Stacy had taken her first mouthful of the hot liquid. She didn’t know how she would be dealing with the whole thing if it were her, and although she’d been on the receiving end of Tony’s thugs, she still didn’t know how she would have handled knowing that they were coming for her. 

“I’m not sure.” Stacy said honestly, it was the first time she’d spoken without her southern twang, at least the first time Erin had been on the receiving end of it. 

“You’re going to be safe here, I promise.” Erin told her, reaching out to squeeze her arm for reassurance. Erin wasn’t good at this, at least not with people she didn’t like. Stacy could feel how tense and awkward Erin was around her, and she didn’t want it to stay that way.

“It’s funny, I knew this was coming but it still shocked me. The way he yelled at me, the way Tony looked right through me. It’s just not what I expected to be feeling.”   
“There’s no right or wrong way to feel right now.” 

“It’s silly of me to even care about it. I know I hurt Jay, I deserve this.” She sniffed, wiping her eyes to avoid crying. Erin felt sorry for her, and even though this didn’t excuse the way Stacy had made everyone feel. She was showing a side of her that Erin hadn’t seen before, a side that reinforced the fact that she was just like everyone else. She was human.

“It’s not silly, what he said wasn’t nice, but the only thing you can do to make this right is to change. If you don’t want people seeing you that way then don’t be like that.”   
Stacy nodded, she didn’t know why Erin was being so nice to her. It made no sense, but she was grateful. 

“I’m sorry about everything, the way I’ve been acting. I just thought Jay would be the same guy he used to be, that after all this time he would just forgive me and things would be normal again.”

Erin snorted, “Well that was a bit much to hope for.”

Stacy smiled in embarrassment, she felt so stupid. Not because Erin was making her feel that way but because of the way she was acting, the way she had convinced herself of things that couldn’t be further from the truth. 

“You will never fully understand how luck you are to have Jay in your life, not until he’s gone.” Stacy warned Erin. She knew it firsthand. Jay was the best thing that had ever happened to her and she ruined it all on her own. Erin was the luckiest girl alive as far as Stacy could tell. She gave the other woman another polite smile before walking out of the break room and into a sea of male faces. 

Ruzek wore headphones over his ears and was intently concentrating, she looked over at Voight who was watching, waiting for news. She sighed. Was this really her life now? Waiting for someone to try and kill her? That’s exactly why she went into hiding, and her own stupid self had lured herself back out of the rabbit hole and given her life another set of risks. Not only was she a living target, the only man who ever treated her right was in jail helping plan it. It didn’t matter that Jay was undercover, she knew deep down in her heart that some parts of him wanted to be doing this, some parts of Jay Halstead would be glad if she were dead. 

“You did good.” Voight’s voice interrupted her interior monologue, she turned to face him feeling the complete opposite of what he was saying. She didn’t do any good, she didn’t do anything to deserve sympathy or praise. She’d created this mess and now a unit filled with nice genuine people were working their asses off to fix her mistakes. She should have never taken that case all those years ago, and she should have never taken advantage of that young man. 

She remembered the day they met, when she chose him. He was merely a stranger, so naive, so young and willing to do anything for her. She shouldn’t have taken advantage of such an innocent teenager. She shouldn’t have ruined him like that. She felt like she’d taken away his innocence, like it was her who took him from the sunshine and rainbows he thought the world was and dropped him into a pool of wickedness and deceit. She was the one who was responsible for all of this and there was nothing good about it.

“Why don’t I feel good?” She asked Voight who looked at her with sad eyes. 

He shook his head, “Because you don’t want to believe that you’re capable of doing something good.” 

Stacy sighed, “How long until all this is over? I want to get out of everyone’s hair.”

“Soon.” Voight promised, and he meant it. He wanted her gone just as much as she wanted to leave. He was just too polite to say it, or maybe he just didn’t want her trying to run away because if she left this district and was killed, his unit would be responsible for her death. He wasn’t going to let that happen.


	43. Chapter 43

Prison life wasn’t something Jay wanted to get used to, if he didn’t know he was getting out soon he would have probably gone stir crazy quite quickly. It had been three nights on the inside, three nights without Erin. He was worried about how all of this was affecting her. He knew she could handle herself, always could, but he also knew that this case had her on edge. 

Jay didn’t want to think about how the dynamics may change once he was home again, he didn’t like the thought of anything changing because of this but he knew that was just wishful thinking on his behalf. 

Stacy was like an infection, she got under your skin and there was no cure. She was the kind of person he wished he’d never have to see again and now where was she? In his city, with his friends, his girlfriend, at his precinct. She was taking over his life while he was in prison with lowlifes and people who were very capable of hurting him.   
He’d seen Tony twice since their last conversation, he was keeping a close eye on his former acquaintance. The unsettling feeling lined his stomach like toxic waste, he felt less than under the weather, and he felt like he was a volcano about to erupt.   
A shiver ran down Erin’s spine as Stacy crept up behind her. They were patiently waiting and Erin would have preferred it if the other woman would stop sneaking up on her like that. 

“Stacy, you’re going to have to keep still if this is going to work.” Erin told her, she was on edge as it was. This was the first time she’d been on a proper job since she was kidnapped and it didn’t help at all being paired with a woman who hadn’t worked as a cop in years. 

“I’m sorry.” Stacy whispered, “I’ve never been waiting for my own assassination before.” She sounded scared and Erin didn’t exactly blame her.   
“It’s not an assassination.” Erin chuckled in disbelief. Her hands rested against Stacy’s shoulders as she stepped past her.   
They were walking into an abandoned building which Erin agreed wasn’t their best idea, but underneath their winter coats they both were safely equipped with their vests. Erin didn’t want to point out that a vest wasn’t going to protect her brain from being filled with bullets, she was trying to remain positive herself.  
“Are you sure we should be in here? I mean...” Stacy whispered from behind her. The two women were alone and it was making both of them nervous.   
“We’re fine.” Erin said in return, ignoring the panic in Stacy’s voice. 

“Does fine look like this?” Stacy questioned her, moving her hands in front of Erin, revealing the nervous shaking of her carefully manicured hands.   
Erin closed her eyes and swallowed thickly, she was tempted to hold out her own hands for comparison but there was a slight chance that hers wouldn’t be any better.   
“Stacy, if anything happens it happens to both of us. Do I look worried to you?” Erin asked as she dodged a pile of rubble.   
Stacy’s eyes popped out of their sockets, “Is that a trick question?” Her voice shook, “Because you look like you’re barely holding it together detective. I’m about to throw up.”  
“No you’re not.” Erin snapped, turning back to look at her. “We’re going to be fine and we’re going to be fine for Jay okay? That man is in danger because of you, and for a while because of me so we owe him for this mess.”

Jay stood in the corner of the yard, he’d spent the past twenty minutes watching how other inmates interacted. He’d already seen a punch up in the first few moments and he had never been gladder to be on the outside of the fight before in his life.   
Tony had given him the nod as they’d walked past each other. The nod could only mean one thing in Jay’s mind and that thing was danger, he’d given Jay the signal and that had to mean that he’d sent a hit out on Stacy.   
He was nervous to say the least but this was all part of the plan. He wiped away the sweat that loomed over his brow and across his upper lip. This wasn’t how he wanted to spend his day, not at all.

Stacy jumped as soon as she heard even the slightest sounds, it was driving Erin crazy. Every single time she’d reach for her gun only to realise that the sounds Stacy had been hearing were all in her head. It was a wonder she hadn’t turned around the slapped the other woman i the face considering that’s how frustrated she was beginning to feel.  
“Will you stop that?” She hissed, creeping around the corner, Stacy was still only one step behind her, she could still feel her breathing.  
“I’m sorry, it’s just awfully dark in here.”  
“Are you serious right now? You were not a cop, I’m not convinced you ever were.” Erin whispered, peaking around the corner to check if they were alone.  
“I am a cop, just a little rusty.”   
“You’re going to have to act like one.” Erin whispered, holding her fingers against her own lips. Stacy’s eyes widened when she realised they were no longer alone.


	44. Chapter 44

"We're going to die." Stacy hissed, trembling like a leaf. Erin could feel her heart banging against her tightened chest. 

"I object to that." She whispered, wrapping her arm around Stacy's neck. Her hand rest against the older woman's mouth begging her to keep quiet. 

She wished she were anywhere but there, the whole room felt like it was closing in as the footsteps of a shadowed figure loomed closer and closer. 

She wasn't ready to die, she hadn't been ready when they'd kidnapped her and she sure as hell wasn't ready now. 

Her other hand clasped her holster firmly ready for a swift motion if she needed it. 

The footsteps paused. Erin moved her head to face Stacy, her heart pounded out of her chest she thought for sure that it was beating in mid air. Stacy's breath hitched, her face turned white. If it were any other situation Erin may have laughed. Two cops hiding scared would have amused her at any other time but right now she was too frightened for their safety to laugh about it. 

She could feel Stacy tremble against her. Something she never expected to happen. Maybe she really was out of practise. Her life had been extremely different the past few years and there was always the possibility of it being over. Erin turned around to face her, their eyes locked and she smiled signalling that they would be okay. 

 

Voight was standing outside the gates, he watched eagerly as a familiar relieved face stared back at him. He reached over and patted the man’s shoulder. “You survived.” He smiled, walking back over to the driver’s side of his car. Jay still hadn’t said a word, merely followed his boss and diverted to the passenger side.   
The pair rode in silence, Jay didn’t know what to say and Voight didn’t want to push him.   
It wasn’t until Voight parked his car did either of them open their mouths. “Where is Erin?” Jay asked, he was still awkward about talking to Voight about her but he needed to know what was going on.   
“She insisted on being the one to go in with Stacy.”  
“And you let her?” Jay raised his voice, he was pissed. Erin had gone through enough this year already, she didn’t need to be put into more potential danger. He just couldn’t believe that Voight would allow her to go through with this.  
“Antonio and Olinsky are both there too, I couldn’t stop her.”   
“I want to be there.” Jay announced, he wasn’t going to take no for an answer.  
“Well you’re in luck because they’re inside there.” He pointed to the building across the road from where they parked. Jay didn’t waste any time he climbed straight out of that car and marched across the black and white.   
Voight followed him carrying fire arms for the both of them, Jay hadn’t even taken the time to vest up. He was too invested in finding Erin to think about his own safety.   
Erin peeked out from where they were hiding, she could finally see the hit men, one wore a nasty look upon his face and the other was facing the other direction, she breathed silently and turned around to Stacy, she pulled another fire arm from her belt and handed it over to Stacy. She was startled, but Erin pleaded with her eyes. She needed the backup it was the only way they would have a chance of leaving this place alive.   
She was just about to raise her gun when a shot fired out from behind her. She swung around, now face to face with Jay Halstead. She rose to her feet and rushed over to the man Jay had just shot. She wanted to say something, but he was gone in a flash chasing the other man.   
Voight ran in after hearing a gunshot, he looked to Stacy, and back to Erin. “He’s not wearing a vest.” He said in what Erin could only describe as a panic if Voight did such a thing.  
“Call an ambulance.” Erin yelled at Stacy, jumping to her feet and rushing in the direction Jay had just run through. Voight raced after her, scared that she’d be hurt trying to protect him.  
Jay sped around the corner, he wasn’t even thinking about the possibility of this guy hurting him first, he was determined to get him and to end all of this forever.   
With his gun out in front of him, he slowed down. Between him and the exit of the building there was only one place to hide, he stalked the rest of the way towards the end of the hall and snuck into the last room. He didn’t bother announcing himself, he just started shooting.   
“Jay?” Erin yelled out, she was on the other side of the hall running as if he life might actually depend on it. She felt like she was flying through the air. Voight was on her trail, she could hear him running behind her as sirens blared in the background.   
“Jay?” She asked again as she entered the room to find him laying on the floor with blood all over him. She fell to her knees and reached out to him. Voight had snuck up behind her, calling for Antonio and Olinsky.  
“It’s not my blood.” Jay spoke softly, sitting up and turning around to face her. Erin’s tears streamed down her face as the pair were reunited. She wrapped her arms around him like she never wanted to let go, the sirens outside grew louder and Jay pulled her up into his arms. He walked straight past Voight who spotted the broken window across the room. Shattered glass carpeted the floor, he smiled to himself. This was really over.


	45. The end

Erin's eyes met with Jay's, he squeezed her hand with a small supportive smile across his lips. For the first time in a while she finally felt safe, Tobey Echols was sitting a few metres away in the prosecution box, he was the man Jay had shot bravely that day months prior. 

It was the third and final trial they'd sat through together and they were minutes away from the final verdict. Tony had already had his sentence tripled for sending out all those hits, including their kidnapping. The scumbags who had taken them almost a year earlier, they were locked away for good and now Tobey was about to be sent away with them all. 

Jay often thought about that night he was released from jail. The talk he finally had with Stacy about how everything went down all those years ago, he remembered the feeling of clarity he had felt washing through him as he finally put how he felt into words. She had listened to him babble on for hours without once using a half assed excuse to get herself out of trouble. 

It was that same night that Jay swooped Erin into his arms and carried her back into their apartment, he liked calling it that now. She had actually giggled when he had carried her in bridal style, something he never had expected from her. The sound was beautiful, she was beautiful and everything seemed to be back to normal. 

"Tobey Echols, the state of Illinois has found you guilty of attempted murder and you are sentenced to 15 years in a state correctional facility without parole." 

Erin let a sigh of relief escape from her lips. She leaned her body forward and looked down the aisle, Stacy was already looking over at her and the two women smiled at each other. Erin felt like her whole life had changed for the better these past few weeks, after everything that had turned her life upside down in the past year it finally felt like everything was going right for once. She turned back to meet Jay's eye and smiled. "Let's get out of here." She suggested, grabbing her cardigan from where it hung on the back of her seat. Jay followed suit, and walked behind the exiting crowd. 

"So this is what it feels like huh?" Erin asked, she had walked a little faster than her boyfriend and was waiting for him outside, her back against one of the stone posts. 

"Depends what it you mean." He answered, walking over to her. She raised her hand over her eyes shielding herself from the sun. 

"Freedom." She answered, grabbing hold of his hand with her spare. 

"Its ironic how we left that courtroom with freedom and so many other crooks are leaving freedom behind." 

Erin shrugged. "I'm not complaining." 

The pair started walking down the courthouse steps hand in hand, when a voice called out to them. 

They turned simultaneously and squinted their eyes as they stared into the sun's glare. Stacy was blocking most of the light as she rushed down the remaining steps between them. 

"I just wanted to thank both of you for all your help. These trials have been really rough." 

Erin nodded, "No problem, it's good to finally put it all behind us." 

"I'm leaving tonight. I just wanted to wish you two all the best with everything." She smiled, admiring the two love birds. 

Erin held out her hand, Stacy slipped hers into Erin's grasp. "Take care of yourself." Erin told her with a firm handshake. 

"Only if you do the same." 

The two woman nodded in agreement as Jay stood by admiring their civil behaviour. 

Once their embrace had ended it was his turn to have the blonde's attention. She looked up at him and reached out to touch his arm. "I'm really proud of you Jay. You've grown into this amazing man and I know I ruined a lot of your past but your future is something I won't touch. Take care of yourself, and never let this girl get away." She nodded her head in Erin's direction. "I mightn't be the best detective but even I can tell that you're in love with her. Don't screw it up." 

Jay laughed and glanced at Erin who was trying not to smile. Their eyes met for a moment and he realised that Stacy was right. He did love Erin and he had for quite some time. Their journey had started long again, and for a while he thought he’d never get his chance, but one day everything changed. He realised something very important and right now he couldn’t be happier. She was the love of his life as cliché as that sounded. 

He pulled Stacy into his arms and held her for one last time. "Don't take this the wrong way, but I hope I never see you again." He told her causing Stacy to laugh. It was nice to finally be civil with the woman he’d resented for years, it was nice being at peace with his past and that’s all he could think about. 

She pulled away from his hug and took a hand from both Erin and Jay. "When the two of you are married and pushing out your third kid just remember that I had something to do with you getting together." 

 

And with that eerie thought Stacy walked away, disappearing from their lives forever. 

Molly's was a full house that evening when the two of them arrived. A sea of familiar faces greeted them as soon as they walked through the door. Ruzek was the first to welcome them in, which was strange for the both of them since they'd only popped down to have a beer each. 

"We're celebrating your new found freedom." He told them cheerfully, "All of your drinks tonight are on me. It's good to have you back in intelligence Erin." He smiled, squeezing her shoulder gently. 

Erin thanked him and made herself comfortable on one of the bar stools. Gabby already had their drinks ready, a warm smile planted across her face. 

"Why is everyone acting so weird?" Erin asked her, but Gabby just shrugged before rushing to fulfil other customers orders. 

One of those customers included none other than Hank Voight. Erin was surprised, he hadn't been to Molly's before. At least not while she was there. She leaned forward on her seat to confirm that the voice she was hearing was actually his, and sure enough there he was over on the other side of the bar. 

She poked Jay's shoulder to grab his attention. "What's Voight doing here?" She asked, but Jay just told her that he had no idea. 

After what felt like having spoken to a million people, Erin felt beat. She'd only had one beer but she's also had one very long day. She turned to Jay hoping he'd be fine with going home early. But he was no longer on the stool next to her. She'd been sitting beside him all night but somehow he'd slipped away without her noticing. 

She looked around the room curiously, wondering where on earth he could have got to. But as she turned the other way her eyes locked onto his, her beer was still lazily spread between her fingers and her eyes were droopy from how tired she was, but he looked into her eyes like she was the most beautiful person he'd ever seen. 

"We've known each other for how long now?" He asked her, standing beside her stool. 

Erin frowned, she was too tired for math questions. "Three years, give or take." She guessed, resisting the urge to lean her head against the counter and fall asleep. 

"Right, and how long did it take for you to let me drive?" 

"I don't know." She shrugged lazily. 

"But there's always been something between us hasn't there?" 

"What are you getting at? I'm already sleeping with you Jay!" She replied slyly. 

"When was the moment when you realised you loved me Erin?" He asked, threading his finger tips through her wavy hair. She looked up at him, her lips parted. She didn't know the exact moment only that she felt it right now. His finger tips traced her jawline and across her hot cheeks, he ran them ghostly across her lips and smiled sweetly. "I knew I loved you since the day I realised if I lost you I wouldn't be able to be myself. A part of me would be missing. The day we were taken Erin. That's the day I realised that whatever I felt was more than I could have imagined. That's when I realised I needed you more than I'd let myself believe." 

She'd never seen Jay like this, so Ryan Gosling. She'd never seen him declare his feelings like this ever before and she didn't hate it. It made her stomach turn in knots and her heart skip a beat. 

"Jay, I love you. I think a piece of me always has." She told him, wanting him to know that the feeling was mutual, she grabbed hold of his exploring hand and started linking their fingers together one by one. She could feel his eyes watching her, and her cheeks were heating up even more at the thought. 

"I know I'm not the kind of guy to pull out some romantic speech or to fly you away in a helicopter into a field of freaking roses, but if you would marry me. I promise I'll pick up my clothes from the floor every night, and make sure that you're safe every day for the rest of your life." 

"Are you proposing?" Erin asked him, placing her beer down against the counter. For a millisecond Jay thought maybe she didn't want to marry him. He thought that he's blown it but the moment he saw the smile that followed his nod he knew that everything was going to be okay. 

"Is that a yes?" He asked her in a state of confusion." 

She rolled her eyes, "Yes it's a yes you goof!" She laughed, cupping his face with both her hands and pressing her lips against him, a string of cheers from around them caused Erin to raise her middle finger, but everyone just laughed. The truth was she didn't even care, Jay was one of the best things that happened to her and damn if she couldn't show that to the world then she didn't know what she'd do. 

Their lips broke apart and Jay raised his finger in the air. "Wait, does this mean we'll both be Detective Halstead?" He asked, and Erin just shook her head and laughed. 

She was going to live happily ever after, after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank-you to everybody who has read each and every chapter!


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